Less than supportive partners?

belfastgirl23

Okay I think you're probably making a mistake by banging on too much about it now. You're moving house anyway and this will be your golden chance to get things set up the way you want, including putting bills etc in your name. So hold your fire and shop for the best bills in the meantime and then present him with a fait accompli. If he's basically lazy about finances he won't quibble.

In the meantime, is there anything he really really wants and can't afford. Because *if* you could just pay off those pesky debts then you could start saving for that house in the country/4x4/hi-def tv that he's always wanted. Carrots work a lot better than sticks for men. My DH didn't get it till I pointed out we could either spend money on posh dishwasher tablets that we get no benefit from or we could start saving towards a second house abroad. His basic laziness about these things has helped me no end but it does mean that I end up doing all our financial stuff. I figure the trade off is to do it without moaning.

Finally, things that are totally his, leave well alone till he comes to you (and if you play it right, he probably will). In the meantime it comes across as interfering and will probably make him dig his heels in

Good luck!

Merrywidow

annie_d wrote: »

Waitrose opened near to us last year. My husband was the first customer in...got a free bottle of Champagne. AND HE HAS BEEN IN EVERY DAY SINCE. I may as well just throw all my wages through the door on pay day

Dear Annie, Even with my years of experience with a difficult husband I can not come up with a solution to this. Mine only started learning how to use a cash point machine when he was 49. He only ever wanted to pay in cash and when I wasnt there to do the business he was forced to learn. Hey Ho - I can feel for you especially as Waitrose is so expensive - I love it, but it eats money. What exactly does he buy each day? I will have a think about this.

brownbabygirl

what is it with men and money?!

chillypep

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this thread but I’m afraid I’ve got a big problem with trying to make some savings at home. Unfortunately, hubby would hear nothing of it.

Last sunday I made my shopping list determined not to spend more than 30 pounds (25 pounds really with 5 pounds off voucher at Morrisons supermarket).

Knowing that we usually do not spend more than 20 pounds a week at the supermarket, I had planned to spend up to 30 pounds and get 5 pounds off. The extra money was going to be used to bulk buy fruit juice since that is what we drink most and it can easily be stored.
Getting to the supermarket, on seeing that I was bulk buying the fruit juice, hubby protested saying there was no point in doing so. I explained to him that I had to buy stuff up to 30 pounds in order to get the 5 pounds off, in effect spending only 25 pounds buying stuff we will need at home.

He just plain refused that I buy more than 2 packs of Apple juice and Orange juice. I believe things got worse when I suggested we buy some of the value stuff rather than the more expensive fruit juice.

I have indeed noticed that he gets embarrassed at the check-out whenever I buy any value stuff. In fact the other day, I was going to buy the value washing-up liquid. He objected saying we have to buy fairy washing up liquid. I tried to explain to him that fairy costs 98p and is only about 400ml. The value brand is 1 litre and costs only 20p and I’m the only one that does most of the washing up!

Anyway, having forbidden me from following the shopping list I made, he ended up going round the supermarket picking up things we do not need in order to make up the 30 pounds (including a can of undercoat paint). Now we have stuff in the freezer as well that we do not need and will probably never eat and end up throwing away!

When I complained, all he could say to me was that henceforth he will pay for all the food we eat at home. To me that simply means he wants freedom to spend money on things that we do not need.

Yes, it can be argued that it is his money and he can waste it if he wants to, but that simply means he will be wasting money that we can use to pay other bills.

He still has credit card bill unpaid!
How does he get debt free with that kind of mentality.


Any advice everyone?

mrcow

chillypep wrote: »

Yes, it can be argued that it is his money and he can waste it if he wants to, but that simply means he will be wasting money that we can use to pay other bills.

You're married? It's both your money!

chillypep wrote: »

He still has credit card bill unpaid!
How does he get debt free with that kind of mentality.

He doesn't.

To be embarrassed about your shopping at the checkout is tbh ridiculous. In future, go shopping without him! (he sounds a complete stress bucket).

LouBlue

I'm lucky in that respect, we were both pretty rubbish with money when we met, then I found this place and I kept telling him things from it and making changes. He works, I am not at the moment, due to health reasons. I am better with money than him so I have control of the finances, he never says 'its his money'. I would kneecap him if he did.

Mappygirl

Totally agree about shopping without OH's who are like that! I've got one and he's a bit of a spendaholic. We've got a big pile of debt and he doesn't really do anything to help. I do all finances and worked out that we each have £40 per week for petrol, fags and anything else personnal such as saving for birthday presents etc. He never sticks to his budget, I even took his card off him and gave him his money each week - he just used his credit card instead!!! If I nag him he just gets so defensive and I can understand why but it drives me insane that it's our debt but only me trying to get us out of it!

Phew - what a rant - feel a bit better now!!!!!

To be fair he is getting better now (it's only took me 18 months!) think it's because I've been super saver this year and have paid off most of the credit cards and he can see things starting to improve.

Good luck and if anyone has the answer to this pleeeeaaasssseee letme know!!!!!!

LouBlue

Mappygirl wrote: »

I even took his card off him and gave him his money each week - he just used his credit card instead!!!Good luck and if anyone has the answer to this pleeeeaaasssseee letme know!!!!!!

Take his CC off him as well. OH goes to work with no cards on him. He protested at first, but then admitted that he would spend money on cr&p so now realises its a good idea. They just take longer to twig that you know best.

foreversomeday

My OH is hopeless with money too I think it is mainly because I was brought up in a house with a very limited budget, I always understood from a very young age that if something was too expensive, I couldn't have it. Even now I feel guilty if I spend money on something I don't really need or if someone else buys me something. I used to save up my pocket money or wait until birthdays/Christmas for the big things.

OH however never had pocket money, just got what he wanted if he asked, and now has no concept of waiting or saving up - he'd rather use credit. Luckily he is terrified of credit cards after going mad with them when he first turned 18 and will only use loans and overdrafts for borrowing, which he has to justify to himself first, or we would really be in trouble.

He also expects me to pay an equal share to him of the bills etc, even though I earn less, and gets offended if I spend less than he does at Christmas. (I have tried explaining he could spend a fiver and I wouldn't mind, but money is so rooted in his mind that he doesn't seem to get it.)

He just says he can't be bothered if I ever mention switching suppliers or anything. Bills are in his name so I can't even just do it myself. Drives me mad! I might get them changed into my name, switch, ask him for the full old amount, and then surprise him at the end of a year with how much we've saved!

My mum says the best way is not to keep trying to persuade him - he will see it as nagging - but to lead by example.

seven-day-weekend

Chollita wrote: »

If he lives in the UK, then yes, but if you know of a bank in Spain that does free accounts, I'd like to know what it is!

Caja Granada