Terribly frightened

Gale_10

Hello,

I would just like to thank everyone for their replies, at least I don't feel like the worst villian since Bill Sykes anymore.

To clarify, we moved about 18 months ago and a couple of months after was when she got social services involved. I think it was because when we moved she was moved away from her friends, the school she knew - it was a very distressing time for her, plus we all lost things in the move. The social workers suggested she was distressed because of this. We worked really hard to replace everything she had lost and encouraged her to make friends, and I thought she had settled in well. This current complaint - well I do not honestly know why, we had been getting on really well, I had been giving her treats, extra money......I don't know.

The social workers suggested a *Coping with Teenagers* course the first time we spoke, they said they would put my name down for it and I heard nothing. When I mentioned it this time they thought I had been referred and said they would refer me again, so hopefully that will help me understand her. I do desperately want to!

As for Parental Responsibility - well the school allowed her to be interviewed by social services without our permission, and I have no doubt they will try and interview my six year old without our permission also. I will be contacting both the school and the social workers first thing Monday morning, trying my best to sort this out.

Again, I cannot express how much your comments mean to me, you have really helped me cope.

Thank you,

Gale

SuzySu

Please keep us posted Gale - there is a lot of support for you out there.

hollydays

Hopefully you have also been in touch with her schools to see if there are any problems there too.

Vomityspice

Your elder child will be deemed 'Gillick' competent - i.e. able to make a decision on if she is going to be interviewed. As she wasn't under caution, the PACE Act (Police and Criminal Evidence) doesn't apply. I'm not sure that the School will have had a lot to do with it. Social Worker's will inform them that they are coming to interview, the school (which are usually part of the same Dept) generally make the child available.

This won't be the same with your other child (6?) and with a learning difficulty. The SW will speak to the school to see if they know anything useful but it would be highly irregular to interview a child of that age without permission. If such an event does happen,immediately make a formal complaint as the LA, given the information you have declared, will not have the authority to undertake an interview.

Please don't think that putting your child into care is a good idea! You need to develop your relationship with your child as opposed to thinking a good sharp shock will work. Trust me, it won't. It will only further alienate you.

specialK

What an awful time you must be having.

There has been some great advice given here. Just remember SS are there to help you. Try to be as open and honest as you can be.

Don't be too hard on yourself, we are not given 'The Guide on Being The Perfect Parent' when we give birth. We all have to find what works for us, we take advice and some times it might not be the answer for us. Regardless of your daughter's age, you will still be coming on here in 20 years for advice about her!

Don't give her any reaction and just play along with the whole thing.

teedy23

Wouldnt teenagers drive you up the wall, my thoughts are with you Gale. I had 3 of them all at once (not triplets) just all in their teens at the same time. It,s a wonder I didnt get jailed for murder. I,m sure all concerned will see your children are all well fed and looked after. Children seem to react in a much more dramatic way now, is it because they're discovering they cant really be disciplined, they have no fear. There are no real consequences

Gale_10

Hello Vomity,

I absolutely do not want my daughter to go into care! Goodness me that is the worst possible outcome!

What I really want to know is why she did it. Its indicative of some sort of issue but her dad asked her and she couldn't tell him what it is.

Years ago when she was little (about 6 or 7) what we used to do is *adult time* where she could say what she wanted without getting into trouble. She used to use the time to swear mostly, and shout. I am thinking of doing the same thing, so she can say things and get them off her chest.

Any other ideas to getting to the root of the problem are welcome!

Best wishes,

Gale

Sue-UU

Gale_10 wrote: »

Years ago when she was little (about 6 or 7) what we used to do is *adult time* where she could say what she wanted without getting into trouble. She used to use the time to swear mostly, and shout. I am thinking of doing the same thing, so she can say things and get them off her chest.

Hi Gale,

I can understand, if there were problems then that you gave her the chance to vent any anger, but for her to be able, or feel it necessary, to swear and shout I wouldn't have thought would have done much good. Not sure I'd have given a title of *adult time* to a 6 or 7 yr old either, but that's just me and I could be viewing it wrongly.

I'd suggest you both sitting down with her and letting her tell you anything that's wrong and causing the current problems and the 3 of you trying to work towards solving it. I'd certainly not allow the swearing though as that usually provokes anger - or can do.

If you do think it's all caused from the move, then as I said in my other post, you could tell her that it's affected you in a very similar way ....hoping that it will bring about a sympathetic view from her to others in the family rather than just herself. She's at that age now where it's often female v female (against you) just as with boys it's male v male against their Dads, so she may be lashing out at you more than her Dad, could that be the case perhaps?

Sue

hollydays

I used to regularly say to my kids "tell me 2 good things ,and 2 not-so-good things that happened to you today"

shazrobo

hi gale, wanted to offer big hugs, as i know what your going through, social services usually do everything in there power to prevent putting children into care. i have smacked my sons too, and admitted this to their social worker, (both sons have special needs), yes they were put on the at risk register for a month or two, but that enabled us to get more support, and the understanding teenages course was a life saver, most of the time me and two teenage sons get on like a house on fire, unlike before it was more like war lol