Terribly frightened

Gale_10

Hello there,

I am really worried. My family moved from one end of the country to the other and my teenage daughter really hated it. Long story short she went to social services and told them that I beat her, that I starved her, all sorts. None of this was true. Social services came over and talked to me, I told them that it wasnt true, there was no proof so that was that.

About two weeks ago my daughter became extremely obnoxious and she was rude and horrible to every member of the family. After about ten days of this, after explaining, sending her to her room, threatening to send her to live with her dad away from her friends, I gave her a smack on the leg. Guess what? She goes to social services again.

Of course, they came and I was honest with them, I told them I had smacked her on the leg, as a last resort. They went away saying they, were going to discuss it and would get back to me in due course.

I chatted with my daughter and she has told me that she told them that I had smacked her twice in the last 18 months, and discovered that she had also told them that I occasionally smacked my other child age 6.

That is true incidentally, I have smacked my other child - only very rarely and always on the bottom - I dont beat my kids up but sometimes they do get a smack if nothing else has worked. Its a last resort.

Anyway, I think social services will want to interview my six year old, I think they will go to the school and interview them there. They have mild autism and I really dont want them to go through this alone. I am fine if they dont want me there (social workers I mean) but I want my husband to be there at the very least. They didnt ask if he or I smacked our six year old but I dont want to take a chance on it.

I am sure there are people who are totally against smacking children and I accept their view, and I ask that I am not berated for my stance on smacking. All I want to know is will my son have to be interviewed alone or without a family member there for support? Are there any social workers out there that are prepared to tell me if young children are allowed to interviewed without parental knowledge or support? Change really disrupts my six year old and makes him very stressed........I am so scared at the moment.

Please help, if you can.

Gale

verysillyguy06

If what you are posting is the whole story...you will not have anything to worry about...well...I know i am sticking my neck out but I am a social worker and would be maybe wanting to talk to you about better strategies ...however....i would want to talk to school and your children alone...or with other adults that know them/ your children trust...I would have to...procedures dictate it... try not to worry too much...that all should be done witjin 7 working days...good luck or ask me for more info...

MrsE_2

Hi Gale
I don't have any answers, but I can say this.
How many times have you read a story in the papers about something bad happening to a child, how frequently are they already known to social services, usually.
So what does that tell you. That tells you that social services sometimes have to make choices about whether to remove a child & don't remove a child when they should have (or rather realise afterwards they should have). So that would tell me that they err on the side of caution.
So if they try & keep families together in that sort of situation (& they must be in a serious situation to end up tragic), they shouldn't be too hard on you. Of course you are worried thats natural, but they HAVE to follow procedures & rules. Even if they are not worried, they HAVE TO follow steps.

Hopefully someone will be able to clear it up your questions for you.

But IMHO its probably just a formality they have to follow & will not cause too much disruption.

flossy_splodge

Oh, teenagers are really NOT fun! I personally feel that we have heard far far too much about the rights of children and this has led to a culture where parents are afraid to discipline their offspring in any way at all in case they end up in your situation.
We need a balance.
Of course no one wants any child or young person to be suffering but firstly 'suffering' seems to be a human condition! and secondly the teenage years are so difficult for all concerned it really does not help that our current generation of youngsters seem to think they really DO know ALL the answers and so have no need to listen to parents.
You can only do your best. If you can look at your own conscience and feel that anything you did you did in good faith then try not to worry. None of us get it all right, not a single solitary one of us! Mine are now in their mid twenties and STILL drive me to distraction on occasions but the over riding thing I try to remember is to make sure they know I love them, warts and all! They may not always like me or what I have to say but I don't always like what they say or do, so that seems fair!
best of luck and don't be intimidated. we need to get away from our culture of 'authority' must know better. Your instincts are often your best guide.
Good luck.:o

Sue-UU

Hi Gale,

As everyone else has said, do try not to worry - it won't solve anything and is pointless, so just keep your fingers crossed for the fair outcome you deserve. Teenagers are difficult enough anyway at times, but you and your young youngsters have (if I read it right) just moved away from all their friends - and Dad? If that's the case then I wouldn't be surprised that therein lies the problem; she's feeling lost and misses them and if she has slight autism then change is harder for them than any other youngsters.

SS will help you all out and will be looking to help you just as much as your youngsters. Your eldest young lass needs time to settle down and all being well get to know other friends, all this along with puberty isn't easy so ride the storm with her and try to help her in any way you possibly can. You could also (to catch a sprat) confide in her that you too feel alone and lost at times, let her know it's not just her that's having to change her life. Do as much as possible with them both and give a lot of love .....along with the discipline they need. All will come right in time, but meanwhile don't worry as it'll get you nowhere.

I'm not in a position to criticise you about smacking when it's needed as I've done it with ours when it was necessary - though not now as they've kiddies of their own!;)

Chin up and look ahead.

Sue

Night-owl_6

Social Services are under a legal duty to investigate EVERY report of child absue whatever the evidence, they have to carry out a full investigation into an allegation and will sometimes whilst this is being done place your child on a risk register or place her into they local care of the council so that an investigation may be carried out correctly.

Night-owl_6

And sorry, but I feel very strongly against and highly disagree with you smacking a child, whatever her age, that was wrong

hev_2

Your daughter is throwing around all these accusations and is obviously going through a bad patch and sharing it all around. Was there a trigger for this latest drama?

It may be worth asking the Social Services for support. I am sure that they will have access to things like (don't bite my head off) parenting classes which may give you ideas for ways of coping with a teenager. It may be a really useful opportunity, they may also be able to suggest groups or organisations which can help your daughter settle.

They may also be able to point you in the directions for local groups for autistic children if you don't already know them. I am sure that if they want to speak to your six year old that they will want to get some background first, and that will flag up that they need to deal with this sensitively.

As for the smacking - when my DS was 12 months old he was repeatedly heading towards electrical plugs. Eventually I tried tapping the back of his hand - he laughed his socks off at me. I abandoned any faith in smacking then.

Hope it all works out for you.

Merlot

Night-owl wrote: »

Social Services are under a legal duty to investigate EVERY report of child absue whatever the evidence, they have to carry out a full investigation into an allegation and will sometimes whilst this is being done place your child on a risk register or place her into they local care of the council so that an investigation may be carried out correctly.

Oooh for Goodness sake, it is not child abuse, I was waiting for one do-gooder to come on and state this, its no wonder some of the young ones are the way they are today, its a lack of discipline at home and at school, if you smack a child it will do them no harm, and I'm not talking about the "few" who are actually abused, I appreciate it does happen, but Gale10 has always come across as a caring mother in her previous post, so I will treat this as a stroppy teenager incident and nothing more.

Gale10, please try and not worry too much, and my thoughts are with you.

Merlot.x.

EXPAT_2

And sorry, but I feel very strongly against and highly disagree with you smacking a child, whatever her age, that was wrong

There's always one!

:rolleyes:

verysillyguy06

There is the thread on autism here on the marriage /relationship bit...have a look...it is very helpful....