Advice on Potty training

tamlem

I would also highly, highly recommend you let him have the nappy on for poos rather than create an uncomfortable upsetting situation which may result in a much longer term issue over using the toilet.

He is not being naughty, he became upset last night because he feels frightened of letting the poo go on the toilet, this is very normal behavior and he will adjust to using the toilet in time.

Please dont think you have to get him onto the toilet to poo no matter what. It might take a few weeks, maybe a few months but he will get there.

Keep calm and good luck.

Nicki

I agree with tamlem. My DS was like this at the same age. Allowing him to put a nappy on at his request just to poo in for a few weeks solved the problem, and he voluntarily gave up the nappy once his confidence had grown. He was clean and dry, day and night within a couple of weeks once he was ready and confident to do so. Maybe if you feel this is a step too far backwards, you could put the nappy on for the poo but encourage him to sit on the loo to poo in the nappy for a few days before gradually withdrawing the nappy when he feels more comfortable?

It feels like a long time while you're experiencing it, but you'll look back on this stage in a few years time and realise that once you got the approach right for your little one, it was only a few days or weeks before the problem was solved.

It's a really really common thing (hence why Freud made his name writing a lot about this stage ) it's just not all parents talk about it frankly!

superdood

Hi joanne0620,

I was just reading this thread and thought I'd put my view in too since I've been experiencing a similar problem with my little man! With my son he has always suffered from constipation and has been admitted to hospital a few times and he regularly sees a community specialist nurse and occasionally a child psychologist because he has a real serious poo phobia, not just doing the business itself, but anything to do with poo at all, so I knew potty training was going to be a struggle but we are finally after approx 4 months, getting somewhere!

Like yours, he was fine doing all his wees on the potty but when it came to number twos he needed his nappy on. When I told the nurse & psychologist this they said not to put his nappy on him as we would get stuck into a cycle of having to put his nappy on to go for a poo and it's very hard to break the cycle. Some children respond very well to all the praise of 'you're such a big boy/girl' and star charts but if your little one isn't interested in even talking about the subject like mine, then those things won't neccesarily work. The psychologist suggested I take a quieter approach with him, I chose a week where I didn't have to leave the house much at all and kept him in pants and didn't put a nappy on when he needed to poo. Instead, I got my OH to phone around the time of day he usually needs to do a number 2 and told my boy it was father christmas on the phone checking to see if he was using his potty like a big boy. He would then run around to find his potty and then once he was on it I would do everything I could to keep him on the potty for a while, we read books, watched tv, etc, keeping him sat on the potty.

Unfortunately, he didn't do a poo on the potty that day, but we did the same the next day and after sitting on the potty for about 20 minutes he needed to go. He cried, but I kept him on the potty by cuddling him and rubbing his back, etc....I felt really really mean about it but he was so pleased with himself once he'd calmed down, he was so proud flushing it away, washing his hands and phoning his dad to tell him what he had done. And once he'd done it the once, he realised it wasn't that scary and he was keen to do it all again and recieve all of the praise again!

Other advice I have recieved from our nurse if it helps at all;
Let him follow yourself or other people in the house when you go to the toilet & make poo the main topic of conversation in the house, poo is a taboo subject yet we all do it :rolleyes: and he needs to feel that it's normal and not frightened in any way, remember this is all totally new to him.
Don't shout or look angry, DO NOT show disapproval if he makes a mess in his pants, it does not help at all! It just sends mixed messages and he won't know whether you want him to poo or not. He would probably ending up withholding until he just can't hold it in and messing his pants again anyway.
Instead, let him help you clean up if it's not too much of a mess, show him the poo goes down the toilet he can flush the chain, wipe his bottom, wash his hands, etc.....do this even if does it in his nappy
Keep the atmosphere light, it's so frustrating but grit your teeth and be patient, take the pressure off yourself and it will happen when he's ready and comfortable enough
all you can do is encourage him

As for my daughter, she was also reluctant to do a poo on the toilet, but not as severe as my son, until she went to saty with her nana for the weekend and was told 'you'll have to do all poos on the toilet because mammy hasn't given me enough nappys or spare knickers!' so she did

Good luck with it all and just relax and it'll happen, you won't still be begging him to sit on the toilet when he's a grown man :rotfl:

GreenQueen

My DD was exactly the same. She used to 'hold on' until her bedtime nappy went on, and she sould poo within two minutes of it being in place. We did go through a stage where she got a bit constipated because she had been waiting too long, and that made it a bit painful, and made the situation worse. For that, we ended up getting lactulose from the GP, which did help. If possible, you want to stop the problem before it gets to that.

One suggestion that worked for us was lining the potty with a nappy, so she was pooing onto the nappy. After a couple of times, the nappy was taken away so she pooed into the potty. We then moved on to the toilet.

Make sure you don't get too anxious yourself - this gets picked up by your LO, and can make things worse (easy to say, more difficult to do!).

I thought we would never get to the solution, and then one day, suddenly everything was working as it should. It won't be long before you're looking back thinking 'what was I worried about'

blindmouse

I also had this problem with my son and he would say could he have a nappy on even though he was dry, and I would do it as he was only 3.

We expect our babies to learn so much, and in the big scheme of life whats the big deal if they feel happy to say they need a nappy for a poo...... I felt better knowing he didnt have a tummy ache.

We went to a party one day and I left the nappy in the car and all of a sudden he came to me saying nappy please and I told him it would be much easier if he sat on the toilet with me holding him. After that we never looked back.

Dont get stressed about it as you can see by most of the replies its normal.

Sitting on the toilet is quite scary and so I would hold him up so he felt safe. I think they can worry they might fall down and be flushed away. Good luck xx

angelicmary85

Afternoon All!

Well, just as the title suggests really - After you took the nappies away, how long did it take your kids to realise they had to go to the toilet?

My DD (just turned 2) is getting upset when she wets herself so I don't know if she's ready to go to the toilet but she tells me just before she does anything and has been picking at her nappy when she does something.

I'm in the very early stages of toilet training so I'm not expecting a miracle, I just don't want her to freak out and hold on rather than use the toilet so I'm looking for some other opinions.

Thanks in asvance for any replies,

Angelic x

Rachel83

Have you gone straight to wanting to use the toilet and not a potty? Has she ever seen anyone else go to the toilet?
If she gets upset when wetting herself and doesn't know how to use the toilet I'd think she wasn't ready to be trained. Maybe try her in pull ups and get her to tell you when she needs the toilet and go from there? Get her used to sitting on the loo even when she doesn't need it too make it into a game and things, after you've been sit her on it, even if she doesn't do anything. Then get her to wash her hands etc, she'll get the hang of it soon

Kazipoo

My girls were all different. My eldest started taking her own nappy off, we had a potty but she refused to go on it, so we bought a step and a seat for the big girls toilet, she was toilet trained in two days!! My second took around 3 months to grasp the idea, she would go in the potty but then pour it out everywhere and didn't like the big girls toilet, in fact she frequently screamed if we tried to coax her to use it. My third was lazy and despite the fact she was 3 she refused to use either potty or toilet, in the end we had to resort to letting her wet herself and make a big thing about being quick and getting to the loo when it was dribbling down her legs! And the last one took just under a week to be dry day and night, it was a case of needs must. We wanted her in playgroup and they wouldn't accept her with nappies.

JBD

What I did with all 3 of mine was take their nappies off. Then as soon as I saw them starting to wee I sat them straight onto the toilet/potty so that some of the wee went into the bowl. Obviously you have to watch them like a hawk at this stage. Then I told them they were a big boy/girl now and they were going to wear underpants/knickers from now on. Both of my boys were clean and dry at about age 2 and it took about a week. My little girl is autistic and I took her nappies off at age 4 ,it has been very difficult for her. Sorry I forgot to mention that they did continue to wear nappies at night for a little longer.

S1976

Every time you go toilet take her and sit her on their and say wee wee, if she has a drink 30-40 mins after take her sit her on toilet and say wee wee eventually you will do it less and less and she will say wee wee and you will know, my daughters were trained in no time that way and they were'nt quite two (every child learns at a different pace though)- no need for a potty.