Advice on Potty training

GracieP

elainew wrote: »

I've been a nursery nurse for 17 years. In all of those 17 years I have NEVER had a child under 2 potty trained.

But surely it stands to reason that an early trained child is almost always going to be one raised by a sahm. Or at least a child that spends much of it's day in a similar one to one environment. A nursery environment doesn't lend itself to that style of training.

Nicki

GracieP wrote: »

I also think your comments on my lack of children of my own was really, really hurtful.

I am sorry that you were hurt by my post. However your lack of direct experience of the methods which you were advocating (particularly in the face of your repeated criticism of a poster who had 17 years experience coupled with professional training as a nursery nurse) was relevant I'm afraid. Your posts on this thread have all been about a method of toilet training which is not suitable for a 21 month old baby, which was the advice which the OP was seeking, so if you were not intending to answer the question which was posed, you ought perhaps to have started a separate thread about the sans method (if that's what its called). Posting that method on this thread did give the impression that this was what you were advising the OP to attempt.

I am well aware that toilet training can be a very stressful time for parents, having had one child who was trained in the course of a week, and a second who has special needs who took more than 2 years to get there, and wasn't fully trained until she was 6. Dogmatic and dictatorial advice from someone who doesn't know you or your child and who has no first hand experience of the issues is really not helpful I'm afraid. Whilst complaining that others were being "hostile" it was in fact you who turned this thread into an argument of sorts. Before you started your stream of postings, it was simply an exchange of views of mums and carers who had been there before, and were offering friendly advice as to how they had found it, from which OP could take or discard what was useful to her.

GracieP

Nicki wrote: »

GracieP doesn't have any children of her own, and clearly it would be impossible for her to recall her own experiences of being trained at age 1. Everything she has said therefore is based on what she has read or what others have told her, not first hand experience, and relates to a much younger child. I think adopting the measures she suggests with an older child would be traumatic for both mother and child (based on my first hand experience as a parent, and the experiences of friends with their children, plus a working knowledge of the theory of child development).

I've just had a chat with my mother who I sent the link to this thread early today. She said that throughout our infancies she was continually meeting people who maintained that early training was impossible. Even when confronted with the evidence, such as a point when she was at a kids party with us and my 15 month old brother came up to tell her he needed the toilet. It was 2 hours into the party and another hour since we left home. My brother had not wet himself in this time, told her when he needed the toilet and held it while someone else finished up in the bathroom. Yet the level of disbelief, and some nastiness, she was confronted with by the other mothers was unbelievable.

Nicki wrote: »

The real key though is to be guided by your own instincts and do what you think is right when you think it is right. This kind of subject always brings out the worst kind of competitiveness with parents, and you'll always have those who brag their child was clean and dry from the day after they were born, and the doom mongers who tell you they can's start nursery until they are trained (neither of which is true btw) to make you feel inadequate.

I have throughout the entire thread said that it's up to each individual mother to do what they feel is best for them. My only point has been that it is physically possible for many children to train at a very young age. According to my mother if she hadn't developed a fairly thick skin the amount of nasty, belittling comments she had about potty training, the speed that the three of us walked at, the books we read as children would have had her in tears 24 hours a day. My mum was 18 when she had me and she said people constantly felt the need to tell her what she should be doing. When they realised how "advanced" her children were many people got catty as the young mother babies shouldn't be doing things theirs weren't.

Nicki wrote: »

There isn't much point in having a child who can't walk but crawls over to the potty at home independently, but creates a huge mess when you go out to mother and toddler group or the supermarket because he has no way of asking for the potty and has been taken out of nappies prematurely!

If a child can sleep throughout 12 hours without accident they have sufficent bladder control to let you know they need the toilet and give you a chance to bring them to one. By 12 months your average child can communicate a few words, it's not hard to make one of those words be potty.

GracieP

Nicki wrote: »

Whilst complaining that others were being "hostile" it was in fact you who turned this thread into an argument of sorts. Before you started your stream of postings, it was simply an exchange of views of mums and carers who had been there before, and were offering friendly advice as to how they had found it, from which OP could take or discard what was useful to her.

Actually my first post was one of personal experience to counter a post given as fact. It was thanked by 5 posters, including the OP, who also said that she was finding the discussion on different methods interesting. Then Liney came out with a soundbite comment which showed very little understanding of how early training works, so I described my mum's experiences. Which was responded with rude dismissal, and a repeat of the same soundbite.

It was only then that I brought up elimination training, which was not what my mother used, but some of my friends have.

I am not in any way advocating any method of nappy training. I have repeatedly in almost every single post I've made said that training is a matter of personal choice. And up to the mother to judge what method she chooses. I have no opinion on what is a better method. My only point has been that the OP's child is probably not too young to learn and that saying that he is "far too young" is a terribly discouraging thing to say.

mrcow

GracieP wrote: »

According to my mother if she hadn't developed a fairly thick skin the amount of nasty, belittling comments she had about potty training, the speed that the three of us walked at, the books we read as children would have had her in tears 24 hours a day. My mum was 18 when she had me and she said people constantly felt the need to tell her what she should be doing. When they realised how "advanced" her children were many people got catty as the young mother babies shouldn't be doing things theirs weren't.

Don't see what your Mum or any of this has to do with the OP? I'm sure you find her stories about this all fascinating, but tbh it's all pretty irrelevent and you going on ad naseum isn't going to change that.

GracieP

Nicki wrote: »

I am sorry that you were hurt by my post. However your lack of direct experience of the methods which you were advocating (particularly in the face of your repeated criticism of a poster who had 17 years experience coupled with professional training as a nursery nurse) was relevant I'm afraid.

But you know almost nothing about me. I was involved as an adult in the training of 4 children. I used to fill in for my mother as a childminder when she was away. I briefly fostered my 1 year old cousin after my uncle's suicide attempt. I worked in a children's home. Any children I cared for on a one on one basis were out of nappies, completely, before 2. Those in the children's home tended to take longer.

GracieP

mrcow wrote: »

Don't see what your Mum or any of this has to do with the OP? I'm sure you find her stories about this all fascinating, but tbh it's all pretty irrelevent and you going on ad naseum isn't going to change that.

Because I was accused of not having experience of children, which I do. However I asked my mum for her comments as she has been raising children for 30 years.

mrcow

GracieP wrote: »

Because I was accused of not having experience of children, which I do. However I asked my mum for her comments as she has been raising children for 30 years.

Well then take it to PM for rying out loud!

Sheesh!

Nicki

GracieP wrote: »

I used to fill in for my mother as a childminder when she was away.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Is that even legal! I though all childminders had to be registered, insured and Ofsted inspected.

GracieP

Nicki wrote: »

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Is that even legal! I though all childminders had to be registered, insured and Ofsted inspected.

And ofsted works in Ireland does it?:rolleyes: In Ireland it's perfectly legal as long as the parents are happy about it. Which they were and they paid me for those months.