OS daily thread Thursday 1st May

smokybabe

Hi guys,

I hope you are all well.

JackieO - your strength and courage are an inspiration to myself and others.

P.P. - you are in my thoughts.

I have cleared out our wardrobes over the last few days and bagged everything up to go. The red cross have left a bag for next Wednesday and I will probably leave it out for them to make use of. It was a hard decision to make but as I have been unable to go in there to sleep for the last 6 weeks and have been cluttering up the settee in the lounge - which probably isn't helping my sleeping - I decided to strip the room out completely, re arrange and hope for the best. I am toying with buyng a new bed from Ebay but will see how the next few weeks go first.

I have kept some of Eric's shirts and coats, one an old leather effort from the 70's - full length - that he loved to death and would never get rid of and have also started off a memory box for the kids. I also couldn't bear to part with the suit he got married in and have packed that away with my wedding clothes and the bits from the wedding cake. His coin and stamp collections are safetly put away in the safe for the kids when they are older.

I intend to trawl through the photo albums over the next few weeks and get some pictures of him blown up and framed, one for each of the bedrooms and a family one for the lounge. I will ask each of the children to help me decide which they would want for their rooms.

I still feel like I am in a kind of limbo and tears are never far away but I have to carry on. The kids seem to be coping OK and the family support continnues to be more than I could have hoped for. I don't think that I can face going back to work just yet and will probably ask for another note next week off my GP but in the meantime the clock is ticking and I really do have to try and sort out some childcare and then work out if I can go back to my old job or look for a more suitable one.

In the meantime I have started to spring clean, albeit slowly and so far DD's room has been bottomed and also the boys room. Over the weekend I hope to tackle the bathroom and landing and work my way through the house from there.

Anyway still got the lunchboxes to do and get the uniforms down here ready for the morning.

Thanks for all the support, you have no idea how much it means to me even though I can't face posting as often at the moment.

Smoky. xxx

Bargain_Rzl

Hi smoky :hello:

((((hugs))))

Pink.

Smoky,

My heart goes out to you.......you are one very brave lady. Hugs for you and the children.

Pink

BusyGirl

(((Smoky)))

Just read your post and I'm in awe of how well you are coping.

Have you considered looking for a job in a school so that the hours and holidays would fit around your children. I work in a smallish school (230 pupils) and we have around 8 support staff, some working part-time, just a thought.

Take care xx

stefejb

hi smoky - really lovely to hear from you

Don't go back to w*rk until you're sure you're ready - will your work help you ease back in with a staggered return. also is there a Welfare Officer who can help you do the number crunching - it might be that you could cut down your hours without losing out a lot - i do 4 days instead of 5 and with the TC included I'm only down by about £250 pa

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Churchmouse

smokybabe, how lovely to hear from you:D I don't think any of us can imagine how hard this all is for you, but like BusyGirl I am in total awe of you.

The photos sound a great idea.

(((((hugs))) to you and the children, and I'm so glad you are being well supported by your family.

Ever in my prayers, CM xxxxx

smokybabe

stefejb wrote: »

hi smoky - really lovely to hear from you

Don't go back to w*rk until you're sure you're ready - will your work help you ease back in with a staggered return. also is there a Welfare Officer who can help you do the number crunching - it might be that you could cut down your hours without losing out a lot - i do 4 days instead of 5 and with the TC included I'm only down by about £250 pa

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have to say that my work have been absoloutely wonderful. Again this month they have paid me my full wage when 2 weeks of it should have been SSP. Last month they should have claimed back 4 days time owing and didn't. My boss is so approachable and has been an absoloute rock. They made a collection when Eric was in CICU, Sent a huge boquet of flowers when he left us and she and several other members of staff came to the funeral to support me and my family.

We have talked about alternatives to my current hours but as one involves weekend work which is a no-no and the other is as an entertainments officer - I really couldn't do this in my present frame of mind - it very much falls on whether I can get someone to take the kids from about 7.30 am in the morning to allow me to start at 8 (usual start 7am). This would be acceptable as there is another single mum who has this arrangement.

TBH I don't know what is out there and really do need to find out. The job center have also been most helpful and pointed me out in the direction of an org that specialises in local childcare and also told me to contact Social Services to see if they can help.

I do love my current job (even though I moan about it) and it is a big organisation (Methodist Homes) and would love the opportunity of being able to stay in the same capacity but reducing my days from 5 to 3.

This then allows the Tax credits to help with the childcare and I would get some extra money which then helps to pay the mortgage.

Smoky.

AussieLass

I'm waiting for DGS to arrive so thought this was a good opportunity to look up the web for beetroot recipes. :rolleyes: I absolutely hate beetroot and nearly dry retching thinking of the smell in the kitchen from cooking them. Why DH planted so many is beyond belief but he's due to pull em all out this weekend. :rolleyes:

Anyhoo I somehow landed on here and saw your post Smokybabe. The photo's are a lovely idea. I hope you can get something sorted out with your work as they do sound a lovely bunch to work for. Be good to work 3 days. I know when Dad died, Mum was working full time and she hated the thought of going back. But afterwards she said it really helped her. Everyone was very understanding and kept her mind busy at that upsetting time. Post whenever you feel like it, we are always thinking of you. <hugs>

Bargain_Rzl

Smoky, as far as work is concerned, it does sound like a great place to work. Hope this isn't insensitive but... don't you think going back reasonably soon might help to concentrate your mind on the future, and give you added strength to build yourself up and keep going? Maybe something to consider, if in a few weeks' time you're stressing over whether or not to get another doctor's note... That's just a suggestion, I have no idea whether or not you feel it might be applicable to you

I hope the kids are still doing OK. You haven't mentioned them much in your posts today, but from what you said last time you posted, they sound like a tower of strength.

((((hugs)))) again.

smokybabe

Bargain_Rzl wrote: »

Smoky, as far as work is concerned, it does sound like a great place to work. Hope this isn't insensitive but... don't you think going back reasonably soon might help to concentrate your mind on the future, and give you added strength to build yourself up and keep going? Maybe something to consider, if in a few weeks' time you're stressing over whether or not to get another doctor's note... That's just a suggestion, I have no idea whether or not you feel it might be applicable to you

I hope the kids are still doing OK. You haven't mentioned them much in your posts today, but from what you said last time you posted, they sound like a tower of strength.

((((hugs)))) again.

Hi,

At the moment I don't really know what is best. I have moments when I just completely fall apart and I can't really explain it without sounding melodramatic but the pain is almost physical and I have no control over these emotions - they hit out of nowhere.

However I have always worked and do find it very theraputic and even if it wasn't a neccesity for the mortgage I would continue to do so, that is my sanity taken care of.;) Whether or not it will be sooner or later I don't know. TBH at this point my thinking changes from day to day - I hate not being in control, especially of my emotions.

a (Edit hit the wrong button here I think)

As to the kids, LO is drawing pictures for his daddy but is asking me to send them to the angels for him. DD is Ok, school have implemented a bereavement policy for her and she comes home and tells me what they have been reading and watching at school and so I know that is happening. She is very quiet at times but all subjects are open for discussion and always will be.

The eldest is wetting the bed again - no big deal - I am not making a fuss and he has changed in to a very loving little boy, I sniff and he asks if I need a tissue. He is hurting but we talk and we will muddle through.

Smoky. xx