why would he DO this ?? treat us this way..

BartGirl

I now know i'm in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I'm in the process of sorting this out - long story! But have a question thats probably better off answered by someone who deals with people like this / is an ex-abuser!

Yesterday OH took day Off and decided to stay in bed till midday. (often does this - lies in till beyond midday).
In the meantime i was cleaning, cooking, tending to our 2 yr old etc and he could hear all this going on, but still remained in bed. I eventually got fed up so popped in on my neighbour.

About 1pm he drove off - no note/call/text. He was gone all day. We popped out for an hour at 5pm and he was back once we returned.

He left within 5 - 10 min of our return. He spoke to DS but not to me. I prepared dinner. He returned at 10 pm. Slamming doors so i knew he was in a mood and decided to stay out of his way. I told him his dinner was in the oven and he stated "I've already eaten" in a booming sarcastic tone..

My qeustion is this:

Why would one behave in this manner ?? Why always stay in bed till gone midday ?? Why not talk to me - is it a punishment of some sort ? And for having done what ??

- Thanks (in advance!)

RedBern

didn't want to read and run - and am not experienced in this type of behaviour to help but you've already said it's an abusive relationship and sounds controlling/manipulative. By behaving as he has, your OH has obviously made you anxious and on edge - which presumably is what he wants and seeks to do. Hope you get the strength to deal with this relationship.

debs66_2

because he can and because you let him...?

i'm no expert, but it sounds like he's trying to push your buttons. my mate ended her marriage last year. she just had enough of hubby going off for a couple of days at a time, deciding when he would be nice to her etc etc. we actually think he wanted out (another woman on the scene - since ended), and instead of being a man and talking about it or saying he wanted to split, he took the easy way out - made life unbearable for my mate, so she called it.

nice and easy. he became the victim to his family, and it's all my mate's fault for asking for a split.

i had another mate whose fella wouldn't commit, but every time she looked like she'd had enough and was going to leave, he pulled out a ring or a promise. you know, the fishing line scenario - reel you in, then let the line loose to suit.

i bet if you take no notice, he'll come a running - but do you want a man who behaves like a toddler?

BartGirl

Thank you so much
I have contacted Womens Aid and the ball's rolling so-to-speak..

I just wondered what ticks in this type of a person's head..thats all..

debs66_2

what ticks...?

power.

his power over a victim.

good luck. and don't be a victim again, cos certain men look out for 'em xx

BartGirl

debs66 wrote: »

she just had enough of hubby going off for a couple of days at a time, deciding when he would be nice to her etc etc. we actually think he wanted out (another woman on the scene - since ended), and instead of being a man and talking about it or saying he wanted to split, he took the easy way out - made life unbearable for my mate, so he called it.

nice and easy. he became the victim to his family, and it's all my mate's fault for asking for a split.

You've just described OH to a 'T'... and i also suspect that things'll end up that way for us too.. I'll ask for a split and he goes off to his family like its all my fault. Although they do know about his odd behaviour cos he does it to them too and they're getting fed up of him now

Broken_hearted

Could be a form of depression but you need to do whats best for you and your child.

Poppy9

Why are you letting him behave this way? Stop being a victim and tell him to shape up or ship out.

If you are worried about what your/his family will think tell them now how he's behaving so they are aware of what's going on.

BartGirl

Poppy9 wrote: »

Why are you letting him behave this way? Stop being a victim and tell him to shape up or ship out.

If you are worried about what your/his family will think tell them now how he's behaving so they are aware of what's going on.

Its not that easy.
His family would always take his side - i know what they're like
My family never like him from the start; it would be a case of 'i told you so' and i'm not strong enough to deal with that right now.

BartGirl

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Could be a form of depression but you need to do whats best for you and your child.

I think this could be one reason actually.
One I'd never really thought of..thanks for that!..would also explain certain things he says and does...thanks BH

angelfairy

I have no experience in relationships of this type, but just wanted to wish you all the best and hope you find the strength soon to do what you think is right.

All the best