why would he DO this ?? treat us this way..

findingmyownway

Hi Bartgirl

I remember your posts before about a trip to Thorpe Park. It sounds like you are getting closer and closer to making the right decision for you and your son. I know its hard, but do you really want your son growing up thinking that Daddys behaviour is right or normal?

Good luck, i am sure your family will be there for you when you make the break.

melwright

Hello,

I really feel for you, like many people, I was in a similar situation (although not married). He loved playing mind games and I used to walk on egg shells. I put up with it for 3 years until something just triggered in my head that I'd reached the point that I'd had enough.
I gave notice on the flat we lived in and started rebuilding my life and friendships (which had all fallen by the wayside). His behaviour in the end was quite comical, I was out with friends one night, came back the following morning to be greeted at the door with "Where the F*** have you been, Princess Diana's dead and it all your fault!" You just can't argue with that kind of logic.
He proposed to me, said he knew he was rubbish, tried to get me to go on holiday. It finally clicked that I had turned back into the person he first met before he had chipped away at my confidence and self esteem.
While what I went through was traumatic, I wouldn't change it as it's made me the person I am today and know that i would never put up with even a smiggen of that again.
You'll eventually get to the point that you know what to do and I'm sure will have the support of your friends,family and MSErs. You just need to "find" you again.
Hoping it all works out for you.

x

Ps - now very happily married for 7 years with 2 wonderful DS!

RedBern

RedBern wrote: »

think back to when you first knew him - how did he behave then? If his behaviour now is totally different then perhaps he is depressed - otherwise it may be that he's just another immature bloke who wants his own way all the time.

Hi RedBern,
I have to differ I'm afraid. The majority of perpetrators of Domestic Abuse are charming, loving and generous at the beginning of a relationship. This is why people enter into relationships with them in the first place.

Shell_girl - fair point - I was trying to see the good in everyone and think perhaps he's not a manipulative, controlling, sh*t and as a previous poster had said, maybe depression was the cause.

liney

BartGirl wrote: »

Thanks liney for this kind, considerate input.

You dont know me or my situation in its entirety so i'd appreciate it if you didnt make assumptions..
As i said earlier on I am receiving assistance from Womens Aid and the balls rolling in that area..

I was merely asking a Question..like i'd said: preferably from someone who understands this tpe of behaviour OR an ex-abuser

I do apologise - he is a mean, mean man.... but you already know this!!

susiesue_2

you need to decide whats best for you and your little one. i had to end my 12 year marrage as he was unbearable to live with, i felt i couldn't breath always unsure how what mood he would be in when he came home.

i truly belive he wanted out-he told me he wasnt happy, but i HAD to end it making me out to be the bad guy to friends and family. some belived him others who knew what he could be like understood.
it was the best decsion i have ever made and not 1 day since he has gone do i regret it. i miss a good regular income every month-thats not a reason to stay-but it was 1 i used as i was scared to leave. i had been with him since i was 14, i didnt know how to be on my own. BUT i wasn't on my own i had my 2 kids.

only you will know when your ready but what helped me make up my mind was visiting my nephew in hospital on the cancer ward. seeing all those very poorly children and knowing some wouldn't make it made me realise you only get 1 life and life is short. you have to make the most of it.

i really feel for you, good luck

susiesue x

asp746

bide your time and pick your moment and go for it.

so what if your family said 'i told you so' - you'll be free at last.

i bet now you've made your decision and starting to plan the move you're feeling much better. Its such a horrible time even when you know its for the best. Try to do it sooner rather than later - you're too good for him.

harrassedmum

You will have inner strength, you just need to find it, for you and your child. Children even at that age sense what is going on and it does effect them. Your child comes first, not the OH. It really is not important what other people think or say and nobody has the right to judge you and the situation you have found yourself in,they really do not matter. What matters is you and your baby, you have the right to be happy and if you continue to live like this I think you are heading for disaster. Find that inner strength that all women have and take control of the situation, you can do it. In my experience leopards dont change their spots, and as other people have said beware of the "depression" label, its sometimes just a getout clause for appalling behaviour. You deserve better. Good luck, hope all ends okay.

Frith

Just wanted to wish you luck, I left my ex in 2005 to stay in a women's refuge and have never regretted it.

What you said about the ex's family taking his side - that really won't matter once you've left him. One of the benefits of leaving my ex is never having his mother here moaning through Christmas Day ever again!

Liz