why would he DO this ?? treat us this way..

rls1973

sounds like he's passive-aggressive: the mind games, the 'push you-pull you' crap, etc etc, sorry for you going through this.

try reading this book, it will all become clearer

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Passive-Aggressive-Man-Scott-Wetzler/dp/0671870742

and google 'passive aggressive' you will find loads of links/support groups etc. to help you know what to do.

snowmaid

I think that most of the times you are dealing with an inferiority/ low self esteem complex. The only 'power' they have is over their partner. These type of people are pitiful.

I don't care what type of childhood you had, I don't care if you are an alcoholic, NOTHING gives one the right to treat another badly - mentally, sexually or physically.

It is a weak person who hits, verbally or sexually abuses another. It takes character and strength to walk away - either from an argument or an abusive situation.

nearlyrich

My ex was like this too, he would make me feel everything was my fault. It's not easy to get out but for the sake of your sanity and showing your children the right way to live you have to get out. The fact that your family don't like him makes it easier not harder, so what if they say " we told you so" better hurt pride than broken bones and children thinking this is a good way to live.

I KNOW it's not easy but he isn't worth the heartache, please get and have the life you deserve. xx

Loretta

Poppy9 wrote: »

No it won't be easy but you've started the journey by posting here. You are strong enough to do it.

- so what? Dump their son and dump them:T

I know you may think that, but speaking from experience I think they would just be so pleased that you have had the strength to get out.

. The strength is there inside you and in front of you i.e. your son. Children learn rules of behaviour from their parents.

One of the best things about a divorce is that you never have to worry ever again about those in laws and what they say and what they think!

You get to dump the whole family in one go (if you want to)

pinkshoes

BartGirl wrote: »

My family never like him from the start; it would be a case of 'i told you so' and i'm not strong enough to deal with that right now.

Bartgirl, they are your family, blood is thicker than water, and they only want what's best for you.

I'm sure they would be pleased that you'd left him and welcome you with open arms than bother with the "I told you so" thing. And if they do say it, then it's only because they care, and because love is blind, they probably could see what you couldn't see. It's hard to listen to people sometimes when your heart is telling you something else.

Just pack your bags, leave him, and go home. You should never stay with someone who treats you with so little respect.

bestpud

Poppy9 wrote: »

Your post says it all. What should I tell the OP? Oh stay with him until he turns violent and then get out?

Life is not a rehearsal, this is it. Her OH is treating her like this because she is allowing it. I don't see why she should have to leave the family home, I would tell him to go. The OP says he hasn't been violent and there is no reason to believe he will so she could be safe staying in the house. If she feels she isn't safe then of course she should move out.

The OP seems to be facing upto what her OH is doing and IMO wants people to reassure her that getting out of the relationship is the right thing. It is the right thing.

It is obviously right for the OP to leave this relationship, but telling her to stand up fer herself is not helpful imo. It is mentally and physically exhausting being with someone like that and the OP is clearly drained of any energy. Leaving the home is often the best way out of marriages like this.


BartGirl - you will probably never know why he behaves this way, although he may try and give you all sorts of excusues when you first leave!

You know you have to get out. Please don't panic and start trying to find reasons to stick by him. It's frightening to leave but you'll get through it and emerge a stronger person. There is more to life than what you are seeing now.

RE your family: In my experience they will just be pleased to see you get out! It is devastating watching someone you love being treated this way and yet knowing you can't make them leave! I'm sure they will be very supportive.

Good luck and best wishes,

Bestpud

neas

Your point about him staying in bed all day.

Do you regularly complain at him for this? Or other things? Maybe he just can't stand being with you anymore (i know its harsh) but he seems to be running away from you all the time.

Certainly something is not right. Im not sure if this is abuse though... he seems to want to 'escape'.

I was just wondering about your comment about staying in bed though, while i know he hasn't helped you out.. are you sure you haven't been nagging him every day?

If all a partner has to say is negative things then it'll make the other side feel down and eventually bitter, to the point they cant stand someone.

Can you give us any more info to the background?

neas

has to be love in a relationship as well as the 'telling offs' IMO.

bestpud

neas wrote: »

has to be love in a relationship as well as the 'telling offs' IMO.

From both sides...

BartGirl

neas wrote: »

Your point about him staying in bed all day.

Do you regularly complain at him for this? Or other things? Maybe he just can't stand being with you anymore (i know its harsh) but he seems to be running away from you all the time.


I was just wondering about your comment about staying in bed though, while i know he hasn't helped you out.. are you sure you haven't been nagging him every day?

If all a partner has to say is negative things then it'll make the other side feel down and eventually bitter, to the point they cant stand someone.

Can you give us any more info to the background?

I never ever complain because it just causes more aggro..i usually just let him 'get on with it' to avoid confrontation from him..