Old Style Diary Archive - SEP 05

MATH

I won "hairstyle of the year award" in 1982 with a burgandy curtained wedge (remember Phil Oakley),

again in 83 with a full bleach-job, shaggy perm, (I thought I looked like Bon Jovi but my dad said it was more Bonnie Tyler:eek: )

again in 84, the year of the heavily highlighted mullet,

and yet again in 86, at this point I think everyone else had given up, realising I was supreme with a gigantic mid-80's bouff.

My chances of ever winning another a very slim. Sometimes going bald is God's way of telling you do do something useful in the mornings that doesn't involve a hairdryer:D

nicki_2

Went shopping this morning and spent less than £10, but nothing was reduced and thats including picking something up for my mum so :j

I went to pick DD up from school at 12 to be called in to speak to the teacher _pale_ Apparently during second playtime she bit another pupil on the thigh and has left quite a mark! :mad::mad: I kept my cool, brought her home without her treat (chips from the chippy and no cake after her sandwich) and when I told her to go upstairs and get changed out of her uniform (as she does whenever she's been to school) she started screaming and hit me! :eek::mad: THEN I lost my cool.

I've cleared EVERYTHING out apart from the chest of drawers (including contents), a (now empty) bookcase, the built in wardrobe (obviously - contents is still inside but she can't get in it) and her bed. I've tried timeouts and she spends the full 5 minutes screaming or pulling at the wallpaper or carpet. The timeouts are not working any more, they used to, but not for the past month or so. I don't want to resort to a smacked bottom or anything so taking away things is the only way I can see forward now (she doesn't get many treats as we can't afford them so it's almost pointless saying "you won't get any treats if you carry on like that") and she seems to understand that. I've told her that she can earn the items back one at a time and laid down some more rules which apply when she is with me (no fighting games for one!). Tonight OH and I will, hopefully, sit down and come up with some rules that can be written down and posted on the wall for her to see. I guess we'll also have to set up a reward system again (we had one for potty training which cost us a fortune in prizes!) and also a punishment chart - 1st time this will happen, 2nd time that will happen etc etc also variable depending on the severity of the misdemeanour. I'm not going to accept this behaviour from a 4 year old.

After a sandwich and a cup of water DD has been put to bed for the rest of the day to hopefully sleep. I texted OH what she had done and he's fuming so I'm hoping he'll calm down a bit before he comes home but considering he needs petrol and to pick up his rail ticket for Friday morning :rolleyes:

Oh well, two slices of cake and a mug of hot chocolate later I'm feeling a little better but I'm still off to Neopets to play so games to try and calm down a bit more and get rid of this tension headache :shhh:

Curry_Queen

MATH wrote:

I won "hairstyle of the year award" in 1982 with a burgandy curtained wedge (remember Phil Oakley),

He he I remember that year so fondly and also the rage on my mother's face when I came home from school sporting a new "hairdo"

One of my friends had lopped off one side of my shoulder length hair to just above my ear so I could look like Phil Oakey :rotfl:

She marched me straight down to her hairdresser (who didn't approve of such fashions! :rolleyes: ) to "tidy it up a bit" but I still kept it lop-sided

again in 84, the year of the heavily highlighted mullet,

Kajagoogoo?

:rotfl:

MATH

Oh CQ I can tell you and I were seperated at birth! When no-one is looking do you push the sleeves of your jacket up to your elbows and try to believe that Star Burst are still called Opal Fruits and the Wimpy is right posh just to re-live that 80's moment? NO- just me then:eek:

AnnaV

I'm just back from being drilled by the dentist! :eek:

And I got the big drill that makes your head vibrate, and I've got one more filling to go

But on the plus side our internet shopping arrived, I did one shop with Tesco and one with Ocado, saved a total of £25 from vouchers, loads on special offers, and got refunded the delivery fee for Tesco as they were late

AnnaV

Sorry to hear of your loss TM xx

Curry_Queen

Hi nicki, sorry to hear you're having a tough time with your daughter at the moment *hugs*

I don't want to sound as though I'm butting my nose in or anything but I know what it's like to be in that situation and often any advice is welcome when you're at the end of your tether so to speak.

One thing that immediately jumps out at me is that you're using your daughters room as a punishment/time out area. Please don't take this the wrong way, but often this can cause more problems in the long run, especially with sleeping, getting them to bed at night etc because they associate it with the punishment. Could you not try to mark out a different area - a step on the stairs, or corner of your living room for example - where you send her for timeout, similar to what they do on the nanny programme on tv? I think the advice there is to leave them for a minute for every year of their age, so 4 minutes in your daughter's case. Then go to her, give her a hug and ask her to say sorry and make sure she understands what it is she's done wrong etc.

Also you mention the reward system, which is an excellent idea, but it needn't cost you so much and you don't have to give a reward every time, but going back again to the examples they use on the nanny programme is to maybe have a chart where something symbolic is added or taken away and only when they reach a certain amount, say 10, then they receive a reward (and also cheaper for you!)

Good luck as it sounds as though you need it right now, along with a lot of patience!

Curry_Queen

MATH wrote:

Oh CQ I can tell you and I were seperated at birth! When no-one is looking do you push the sleeves of your jacket up to your elbows and try to believe that Star Burst are still called Opal Fruits and the Wimpy is right posh just to re-live that 80's moment? NO- just me then:eek:

Ermmmm yeah <gives quick sideways glance> I think that's just you :rotfl:

culpepper

Nicki ...that rewards chart for good behaviour sounds like a good idea.We had trouble with DS when he started school and let him know we would be checking with his teacher.He got stickers on his chart for various things he had achieved or managed not to do Sometimes they have more understanding than you expect and just talking it through can be a great help.

Today has been spent waiting for the wretched postman who came yesterday when we were out(ofcourse).He still hasnt turned up! I cant really go in the garden as DD often gets absorbed in what she is doing and doesnt notice the knock at the door.
DD is going to do the tea this evening as her cookery lesson.She is going to make sausage rissotto.
DS rang me today from college to say he has changed one of his courses as the I.T. was so boring.He's now going to do physics.I wish teachers had been that understanding when I was at school.I remember wishing the floor would open up and swallow me when I asked to change a course and the teacher was having a 'Jobsworth' moment (Imagine a volcano going off and thats pretty much what it felt like).

nicki_2

Thanks CQ but I just want to clear a few things up as my first post doesn't make some things clear.

Curry_Queen wrote:

One thing that immediately jumps out at me is that you're using your daughters room as a punishment/time out area.

We don't use her room as a punishment as such. Her time outs have been on the bottom step of the stairs with the livingroom door shut and screaming ignored. If she has been upstairs and naughty its a time out in our bedroom behind the door facing the wall and ignored.

Curry_Queen wrote:

I think the advice there is to leave them for a minute for every year of their age, so 4 minutes in your daughter's case. Then go to her, give her a hug and ask her to say sorry and make sure she understands what it is she's done wrong etc.

We've tried 4 minutes and it makes no difference so we've upped it to 5 minutes. Even so, she apologises as soon as she is sent for a time out but it's usually screamed so I can tell she doesn't mean it. After the time out I go out and ask her why she was put there and whether she is sorry. Usually that is greated by a scream and her trying to hit me again. Another time out just makes the tantrum worse.

Curry_Queen wrote:

Also you mention the reward system, which is an excellent idea, but it needn't cost you so much and you don't have to give a reward every time, but going back again to the examples they use on the nanny programme is to maybe have a chart where something symbolic is added or taken away and only when they reach a certain amount, say 10, then they receive a reward (and also cheaper for you!)

This is what we did with the potty training. 10 stars she got a funsize bar of chocolate, 25 a full size bar of chocolate, 50 a book, 100, a video, 200 a DVD. 250 a certificate saying she was a big girl now We've also got a system like this in place for stickers from school (That reminds me I need to do a new print out) so shes encouraged to be good in school. They also have special lunchtime stickers and charts in school so when she brings a full one of those home she'll get a special treat The really ironic thing is she came home wearing a sticker for Good behaviour!!!!

I think our only option is for OH and I to sit down tonight and work out rules, rewards and punishments and post them up where she can see them. I just don't know whats happened to her lately, she's just suddenly very naughty, violent towards me and completely different to how she was 12 months ago!

Just had an idea of what a big prize for getting alot (and I mean about 500!) stickers could be - a new bed as she needs one and we've said "when we have the money " I'll go look at the website now and find out how much it will be