Financial Impact On Me Iif I Divorce Cheating Husband?

whitecat

Hi Im intrigued to know whats happening on this? Hope all is ok what have you decided to do?

karen_newcastle

blue_lady wrote: »

The other half says what about our daughter who is at a very impressionable age.

This part is more important than the financial stuff. She should know that you should NEVER put up with this kind of relationship. It's unhealthy for both out you.

Kick him out then deal with the financial stuff afterwards.

Good luck

ps Your story really rang true with me in places. I was in a 5 year relationship with someone who used to post similar ads (he said it was for fun and he wasn't intending to meet anyone) AND guarded his phone with his life. He also ran up large CC debts that I didn't know about. For the sake of my 13 year old I summonned up the courage to get him out of my life and I went on to meet the nicest man on the planet and we got married last year. I now couldn't be happier if I won £1m. So there is happiness out there to be had.

blue_lady_2

whitecat wrote: »

Hi Im intrigued to know whats happening on this? Hope all is ok what have you decided to do?

Well, it's a couple of months down the line. I went to the solicitors and filed for divorce. God it didn't half shake him! We talked and talked and I agreed to just separate from him for now, living under the same roof till our mortgage tie in runs out in 2 1/2 years. Paying 50 / 50 on household bills but living separate lives. The agreement says that after this 2 1/2 years, divorce is a 'possible' outcome.

The separation agreement comes through imminently and I have also severed joint tenancy with him on the house. We decided to split the equity from the house move last year 50/50 which we did and I got a separate bank account.

However he's already frittered away a sizeable prroportion of his money. Even though I am paying exactly half the household expenditure IN ADVANCE every month to him, he's still skint by half way through the month ... while I'm budgetting nicely, thank you.

I am now scared sh*tless that he's going to spend up and then claim half of what ever I have left. Especially since I recently managed to get a full time job with a good salary which is actually more than he gets! He wants us to stay together of course (he's promised NEVER to post on these sites again, but to be honest that wa sonly one small part of the many problems I have had with him) but I know in my heart it's the end when we do eventually sell this house I'm off, Mate.

If we could sell this house now I'd just leave ... which makes it much easier to divorce when you're actually APART from someone, but because of the slump and the tie in it's not feasible at present.

We only bought this house last Sept so have 2 1/2 years tied into the mortgage. If we sell now we lose £4100 in penalties. PLUS the estate agent told us that because of the market we would be lucky to get back what we paid for it last Sept! Therefore all in all we will probably not even get back anywhere near the 35k we put down on it. (Which is to be shared when house is sold).

He has ALWAYS spent more than me during the marriage. He always had to have more clothes, more expensive spectacles, he's broken things with his impatience and temper whch had to be repaided JOINTLY, had more dental work done, bought cars when we actually couldn't afford them .. he's always had to 'beat' me if you see what I mean - as if he's more important than I. Then when I complained he would say I'm the 'poor oppressed housewife' etc. and we would row.

Since I got a seperate bank account I have had clothes and shoes to go to work in and basically have everything I *need* by budgetting. Since the time we separated bank accounts he has done more modifications to the car (a fancy exhaust ... which was NOT needed, the previous exhaust was absolutely FINE). 2 more large tattoos, loads of clothes a couple of watches, he bought a ferret and all the paraphanailia - cage, accessories, food etc .. you know, all stuff that will depreciate in value.

So that's the situation at present; Still under the same roof. Me now employed with good salary (still have my half of the savings which we split). Him dwindling his savings like there's no tomorrow. Me fretting that although the separation agreements states we have split the money 50/50 I am worried that he will 'spend up' then claim half of mine when we divorce, so it's still pretty messy.

I can stick it out a bit as we are living separately, effectively, if I have the safe knowledge that my money was safe from him, but I cannot seem to find out if the separation agreement is legally binding (it refers to the splitting of the savings 50/50 in that, but of course has his money has now gone down already.)

floss2

I would clarify the firmness of the agreement with your solicitor - just to be sure.

Sounds as though you have things pretty much sorted anyway!

mrcow

I don't understand?

You are living with a lying, cheating prostitute and don't want to move out because of money?

At exactly what price do you set your happiness and self respect at? Mine would be a lot more than £4k plus some lost equity.

You are never going to be able to move on until you split. You are going to lose money whether you do this sooner or later.....so why not sooner? And then you can get on with building a positive life together with your daughter without this complete joke of a man ruining your life.

Pssst

It depends what you want. If you are happy with the current situation then carry on. Clearly you are not so do something about it.

His lifestyle is his choice just as yours is yours. If you find that his lifestyle is incompatible and/or unacceptable then move on.

Are you going to put up with it just because as you say,you have a roof over your head and a car?

Just because you have reached the magical 50 does not mean that you have no more life to live.

If you stay with him ,you will feel a hell of a lot worse replaying this scenario at aged 60 or 70.

blue_lady_2

Hi , firstly have you discussed with him why he feels the need to advertise himself to the nation!!

Oh it was going on for years. Of course I asked him to stop - LOADS of times. In the early days we were so desperately short of money I 'went along with it' eventually because he wouldn't, WOULDNT stop spending hours and hours on the internet advertising. Our daughter was an infant at the time he started and we had my elder son who has special needs ... so it was DIFFICULT. There was no way I could get out. Eventually you get into a sort of UN-comfortable comfortablness ... can't rightly explain it. You start to accept it almose because you can't change it.

I expect he would find it funny but you need to let him know how you feel and why and how its not fair on you or your daughter and how would he feel if it was the other way round.

Aw Love, done this several times down the years. He always stops ... for a while but then difts back to it. God, the rows we've had over it!


As a first step before finances come into play and for the sake of your daughter I would definately recommend RELATE which you can get the number for in your local directory. I think that its really important that you try to save your relationship first. There are obviously problems there and men are not the best of communicators and an expert can help get to the route of the problem do wonders.

Don't love him any more. No point. Too much water's gone under the bridge I'm afraid. There have been about 4 or 5 definite flashpoints where I WOULD have left him had I had the means/resources at the time. I've had appointments with solicitors before ... but didn't go through with it. But months turn intto years and you learn to live with things. He's done other things that ave hurt me and he's been reckless with money even though we had very little and we went into debt because of some of his purchases too, so it's not just been this escorting thing.

Thing is, he doesn't see how his beheviour has been a problem to me ever. As far as he can see it, he doesn't hit me, doesn't go out boozing, (this is what he says when I point out his mistakes) but I have a certain *standard* that he doesn't live up to, but he makes me feel that my standard is TOO high ... does that make any sense?

I think its all so easy to just think, I want out but sometimes the strongest of relationships are made out of what deal with and get through and you end up alot more happier than you would be than just moving on to the next guy.

Oh ... there will be no 'next guy'. I now have this fabulous job (which is more than just any job really - it's a dream job for me. Something that anyone with my experience would pray for. Can't say too much for fear of identifying myself) which I am going to concentrate on. I will never become romantically involved again.

After trying relate and should it not work I would see a family solicitor and discuss the implications of putting in for a divorce. They would tell you what you would be likely to expect as well as what the costs involved would be.

Done all this and he talked me round being very remorseful into separation, rather than divorce straight away. Trouble is .. it doesn't *feel* any different. And he's just acting as if nothing's changed and he's making furture plans in his head. Mine don't include him unfortunately when we do get round to selling this house.


They also usally offer a free initial consultation. There is no reason why you would have to sell the marital home as you would more than likely be able to stay and can get help with tax credits income support ect to pay the mortgage possibly even half or all of the mortgage ect.

I would rathers sell it. Get shot and him too. Clean break type of thing.

I would make him aware that you want to go to relate to deal with your relationship breakdown and if he doesnt adhere then point out that the only other option is divorce where he will end up considerably worse off!!

Well, as we are both fit and healthy and CAN work (our daughter is now 13) and there's equity in this house I see no reason to 'tie' him to us by staying in the house and milking him. Not worth the aggro. My separation agreement should finally arrive today (it's in the post says solicitor) and we'll see what happens then.


I am thinking I should have stuck to my guns in the beginning and held out for divorce. I know that I will 'survive' physically, monetarily and emotionally much better than him so there was an element of 'feeling sorry for him' and that's why I agreed to separation in the first instance I suppose .... SIGH.



Goodluck
!

MrsTinks

STOP feeling sorry for him! He's not worth it!

My personal view is that you need to a) divorce him b) sell the house and accept the possible loss of equity c) advise him that you WILL get a restraining order if he tries anything!

Your safety and happiness is important... but you know what? You're a big girl and you can obviously look after your self now
You have a 13 year old daughter!!!! HELLO!!!!
Living in a house with parents who don't get on and where things could go sour any moment is going to have some serious negative impact on your daughter! She's going to be walking on eggshells all the time and at 13 she'll be confused enough as things stand with all her hormones running riot.

Add to that if she does find any of his adverts on the pc... it might not have his face on there but she might either work it out herself or think that her dad is LOOKING for a male escort... imagine that would lead to some issues too... or what if she thinks YOU are looking for a male escort who "does bareback"...

blue_lady_2

" He wants us to stay together of course (he's promised NEVER to post on these sites again,"


GUESS WHAT FOLKS? Just found a new ad on Viva Street that was only posted 2 weeks ago!!! This man is taking the p1ss. :mad:

Anyway, we're getting the house valued tomorrow. I am having great difficulty living under the same roof as him. We're rowing all the time about the stupidest things, but it's because I cannot bear him now. I can't abide being near him to be honest and now I've 'upset the apple cart' I don't really CARE any more how much aggro I cause him I suppose. I'm really past caring.

I want my own place with my daughter. Trouble is on the separation agreement it says there has to be WRITTEN consent by both parties to sell the house. Therefore I am going to play it canny - if the Estate Agent gives us a reasonable valuation tomorrow I am going to set him on straight away and make sure hubby signs the EA contract as well as me (since we how own 50% each - rather than being joint owners). Hubby wants half the equity (and thinks I'm gonna move into a rented property with HIM.)

Over my dead body.

I'm sure this would stand up in court as 'consent' to sell if he then starts playing silly !!!!!!s and refusing to sell. Can anyone advise on this?

karen_newcastle

blue_lady wrote: »

. I can't abide being near him to be honest and now I've 'upset the apple cart' I don't really CARE any more

Sorry but it's your husband who has upset the apple cart....not you!!!! :eek:

One of you has to move out now. If he wont go you have to and you need to start planning that now.