Ok to leave daughters overnight?

Soubrette

bestpud wrote: »

Soubrette - this may sound odd, but tbh, I'd be much happier leaving her in charge of a 6 yr old sibling than I would a 14 yr old one! I think it's because she knows that, when babysitting, she has to take charge and dd6 accepts that dd15 is in charge. It's more difficult to tell a 14 year old that their 16 year old sister is in charge, I think?

I think you've hit the nail on the head with 16 year olds babysitting siblings near their own age.:p

Sou

Js_Other_Half

I was left alone for a week at 16, but Mum and Dad made sure my 15 year old brother was cared for by friends - we'd have killed each other...:p

If your almost-16 year old is responsible and happy to sleep overnight with just her sister, then I'd be inclined to give it a go. I was babysitting 5 kids at that age until 2am...

snipzychick

fannyadams wrote: »

i *sometimes* leave my two (7 1/2 & 3 1/2) for half an hour (long after their bedtime) whilst i go for a run.
I dare say i'll get lampooned for this!:eek:

Get a treadmill!!

Spendless

Last year someone let us down big time over babysitting our children aged 7 and 4 whilst we went away o/night, agreeing to have them and at the last minute arranging to do something else during the day instead, which we weren't overly happy with but accepted. Then when we were in France and had no way of getting back home, our babysitter told us she was leaving our kids with her 16 yo daughter o/night. We weren't happy. 16yo had babysat for us for previous 2 years but had never done so o/night in sole charge. We thought it was too big a responsibility for her. Anyway 'babysitter' realising we weren't happy did stop at our house.

I still think about the what if anything had gone wrong. It's totally put me offl leaving the kids o/night again. I'd be happy with a 16 yo being o/night by themselves, but not in charge of a younger sibling till they were 18. My view is also coloured by the fact that I 'babysat' my 7 years younger than me sibling (though not overnight) from about age 12, and I don't believe I sjhould ever have been put in that position.

bestpud

Spendless wrote: »

Last year someone let us down big time over babysitting our children aged 7 and 4 whilst we went away o/night, agreeing to have them and at the last minute arranging to do something else during the day instead, which we weren't overly happy with but accepted. Then when we were in France and had no way of getting back home, our babysitter told us she was leaving our kids with her 16 yo daughter o/night. We weren't happy. 16yo had babysat for us for previous 2 years but had never done so o/night in sole charge. We thought it was too big a responsibility for her. Anyway 'babysitter' realising we weren't happy did stop at our house.

I still think about the what if anything had gone wrong. It's totally put me offl leaving the kids o/night again. I'd be happy with a 16 yo being o/night by themselves, but not in charge of a younger sibling till they were 18. My view is also coloured by the fact that I 'babysat' my 7 years younger than me sibling (though not overnight) from about age 12, and I don't believe I sjhould ever have been put in that position.

I can unserstand that tbh. I would hate to be in a different country while dd was babysitting! I would not even consider it if she didn't such close help available. The person who did that to you was way out of order and I'd have been livid!

Re you having to babysit: Did you have a choice? Were you happy with it at the time?

I can think of things I had to do as a child which I have refused to make my mine do because I remember the resentment.

Spendless

Bestpud - I was never asked or paid to babysit my sibling, it was expected of me. My parents went out every saturday night, admittedly not for long from 9pm - 11.30. We had a babysitter, till we moved to a different part of the town shortly before my 12th birthday and from then on, we were left.

At about 15 I wanted to go to a Saturday night youth club/disco but couldn't cos of having to babysit. Sometimes I used to walk down and meet my mates, when they came out about 10ish taking sister with me, and swear her to secrecy by bribing her with a bag of chips. Around this time I protested about babysitting but I still had to do it. At 16 I got my first long term boyfriend and he too stopped in with me babysitting my sister, till she got to 12 herself then she was left alone. I remember her being unhappy with this, but after 7 years of babysitting, I wasn't stopping in anymore.;)

UKTigerlily

I'm wondering (As someone without kids or any knowledge of available services etc) if social services or ads could help find someone like me. As in i'm single, CRB checked, have kid first aid certs & can spend the night anywhere as no kids myself. To someone like me it wouldn't make a difference where I slept & I wouldn't expect to be paid. Surely somewhere there's others who're single & wouldn't mind helping out!

Dormouse

It's tricky, isn't it... I would actually probably say it is okay in your circumstances, as long as DD1 is 16. I mean, there are 16-year-olds out there looking after their own kids, so what's the difference?

My DH, on the other hand, says no way! :cool:

And just wanted to point out (sorry ) that if you say DD15, it means you have 15 kids! :eek: That's why people refer to DD1 and DD2 and then you can put their ages separately, e.g. DD1 (15), IYSWIM. Sorry, it just made me giggle thinking of 15 children. :rotfl:

sticher

Bestpud, you daughter certainly sounds responsible enough, but I would still have my worries about your 6 year old. If she did wake in the night through illness, would she be able to wake your older daughter easily? My 14 yr old is dead to the world at night.

I think as mothers we always have one ear open at night to the childrens movement - only now that my youngest is 9 do I find I don't always hear toilet trips etc, lol.

Also if your youngest was ill, wouldn't she want her Mum? Although I suppose if you can get there quickly that would be ok.

Those that don't leave older teens alone - how will they ever be prepared for adult life?

Those that leave under 5s including babies (I can't believe it in the case of a newborn!:eek: ) in the care of older children to go away for the weekend - why do they have children if they want to have holidays without them and risk their safety also?

Spendless

sticher wrote: »

Those that leave under 5s including babies (I can't believe it in the case of a newborn!:eek: ) in the care of older children to go away for the weekend - why do they have children if they want to have holidays without them and risk their safety also?

I'm not sure if that's to me or not. We found ourselves in the position where we had a spare ferry crossing to use up due to being let down over a holiday previously.

We asked an adult babysitter if she would have our children, which she agreed to, she even chose the w/end we went away, with her 16yo daughter helping her. At the last minute the adult babysitter said she was doing something else during the day and leaving our kids more in the care of 16yo. We weren't overly happy with that, but accepted it. As it happened our kids went to a childcare provider and were picked up later that day from there by babysitters 16yo. At that point it was still understood that adult babysitter would be sleeping on the same premises. It was only that night when we were already in France with no way home, that adult babysitter informed us that they wwere leaving 16yo in sole charge o/night. We said we weren't happy and they changed their mind and reluctantly stopped with our kids.


As to why we didn't take kids, we were doing a shopping trip, and our kids hate shopping. With hindsight I would have rather lost the spare ferry ticket than go thru this. Without me saying who the babysitter was who let us down, it is someone close who we had no reason to think she would act this way.