Ok to leave daughters overnight?

bestpud

I'm after your thoughts on this, as I can't make my mind up!

Sorry it's long but I need to give the full background I think!

OH is hoping to get a new job, as he hates the one he has now. Trouble is, he can be quite flexible in his current job and can usually leave early and make the hours up throughout the rest of the week if I can't get DD6 from school.

I work one night a week, from 3pm until 9am but my mum gets DD from school that day and DH drops her at school the next morning (they have a breakfast club so it fits within his normal hours). If my mum can't make it, or is away, or whatever, then DH can obviously still collect her - so it works well.

The new job has day and night shifts on offer, but the day shifts won't allow DH to take DD to school on the morning I work, or to collect her, any day of the week.

Also, I am going back to uni in September (deferring this semester) and every module is in the afternoon. :mad: I'm going to do it part time but will still have to do 1 or 2 modules right over her school finishing time.

Soo, nights seem the best option, but if DH works nights, from 10pm - 6am, then our DDs would be home alone the one night a week that I work.

DD15 (she is 16 in May) babysits our youngest and is very responsible for her age. DD6 goes to bed around 6.30-7pm and virtually never wakes up during the night. Last time was over two years ago! She is very rarely ill either - she's been to the GP twice in her life and not in the last three years. Obviously, if we felt she was ill, one of us would stay home.

I'm confident DD15 is more than capable of dealing with any normal problem that may arise and would know to call someone of she felt unable to deal with something.

I actually worry more about security issues than DD's ability to cope. We do have a dog though - he doesn't bite but he is very chopsy and we know if someone is around!

Also, if there was an emergency, DH would be working literally 2 mins away and we have my sister, and two of DHs siblings, also living just 2-3 minutes away. Any one of them could run to our place in about 5-10 mins max, but they all have cars anyway.

The other option is to use an after school club for DD6, but it is expensive (£18 a session but they do pick up from the school - it's a rural area), and she may not be able to do the clubs at the school on those days (they dont have after school care as such but run clubs such as football etc). She would not be happy about that! They change the clubs every term so I can't predict what will be when, or even what will be running, either, and then of course, we would have big problems if they were cancelled.

DH needs to get out of the job he currently does as the stress is driving him (and me!) nuts. And I don't want to give up my job as I love it and can do it easily while studying.

So, are we crazy to consider leaving them alone one night a week?

I have convinced myself they will be safe but I'm wondering if that is because I want it to be iykwim?

Opinions welcome, even negative ones. Is there anything I haven't considered?

Alikay

I'd never leave a 6 year old in the care of a 15 or 16 year old overnight. You know your daughters though, and where you live, what your neighbours are like etc etc. Couldn't you get one of the nearby family members to pop over at bedtime and sleep over?

quietheart

I guess your older daughter would be capable of taking care of a six year old overnight. I just wouldn't be comfortable with leaving a 15 year old home alone 4-5 times a month never mind a 6 yr old. At 15 she's still a child and I probably think it's too much responsibility for her.
God forbid if there was a fire, you'd never forgive yourself.
Hope you manage to find a solution that suits you all.

fannyadams

FWIW
I used to regularly baby-sit for two boys - 6 and 8 - at least once a week from when i was 14 until i went to college when i was 18.
now, i *sometimes* leave my two (7 1/2 & 3 1/2) for half an hour (long after their bedtime) whilst i go for a run.
I dare say i'll get lampooned for this!:eek:

bestpud

Thanks for your replies.

They reflect my original thoughts about it!

Is it the risk of fire or something like that which is the biggest problem, do you think?

I would not force my eldest to do it and would discuss it fully with her, over a period of time, obviously. For that reason, I wouldn't be worried about her taking on more responsibility than she could handle, or was comfortable with iyswim. In some ways, it would be more responsibility of DD6 was awake, I think, as she's a bit of a live wire - probably why she sleeps so well!

Maybe we need to think some more though.

aurora_borealis_2

fannyadams wrote: »

FWIW
I used to regularly baby-sit for two boys - 6 and 8 - at least once a week from when i was 14 until i went to college when i was 18.
now, i *sometimes* leave my two (7 1/2 & 3 1/2) for half an hour (long after their bedtime) whilst i go for a run.
I dare say i'll get lampooned for this!:eek:

You will and you should.

bestpud

fannyadams wrote: »

FWIW
I used to regularly baby-sit for two boys - 6 and 8 - at least once a week from when i was 14 until i went to college when i was 18.
now, i *sometimes* leave my two (7 1/2 & 3 1/2) for half an hour (long after their bedtime) whilst i go for a run.
I dare say i'll get lampooned for this!:eek:

I used to babysit as a teenager too and dd looks after two little girls age 6 and 3 until about 2-3am at the moment, when their mum goes clubbing every now and then. They live just down the road though so we are on-hand.

Gosh, don't you worry about yours waking up?

flower7

If DD15 is willing to take responsiblity and you think she is mature enough to handle it then yes. Go through what you should do if there is fire (this is good to practice under normal circumstances). If you have too many doubts about your childrens safety don't do it. I hope you find a solution soon that works for your family.

quietheart

For me it would be the risk of something going wrong. Be that a fire, an intruder, a medical emergency etc. When I had children I took on that responsibility, that I would be best placed to deal with any situation that crops up, i couldn't give that over to a 15 yr old. It doesn't matter that she wouldn't mind, I just think it's too much for a 15 yr old.
I used to babysit every week for baby twins when I was only 13, I thought it was crazy at the time and looking back their parents put them at risk....
Also if something bad was to happen and your daughter made the wrong choice she'd have to live with the consequences.
Just doesn't seem worth the risk to me.
And as for going for a run and leaving little kids home alone - that is unbelievably selfish..... poor kids.

bandraoi

I really don't get the paranoia over leaving kids. Kids are very capable and can be very responsible when they want to be. When I was 16 my parents would have gone away for the weekend leaving me with my brother (14) and two sisters ( 10 and 3) and we were fine.

Your DH will be nearby, I presume you have a smoke detector. If you were home, what could you do in terms of security that a 16 year old can't?

tattycath

I think 15 and 6 is too young to be left overnight, my 2 DDs are 14 & 12 and I wouldn't dream of leaving them home alone for long periods. They are ok with a couple of hours or so in an evening and longer in the day time on occasion. Sorry but that's just mho.
As for leaving little ones to go and have a run... I don't think I need to comment, I'l let you lampoon yourself!!! lol