Ok to leave daughters overnight?

HC_2

I have 17-year-old twin daughters. Although they're bright, confident and mature, I would not leave them overnight. I don't think they'd like the idea either.

One thing about leaving children (even quite big ones) alone is whether they feel comfortable with it. Some might feel afraid to be left alone, but be reluctant to say so, in case the parent thinks they are being silly. I was left alone a lot as a young child, and I hated it. I used to be terrified of burglars. It had such an effect on me that I was in my early twenties before I felt comfortable being alone at home.

bestpud

HC wrote: »

I have 17-year-old twin daughters. Although they're bright, confident and mature, I would not leave them overnight. I don't think they'd like the idea either.

One thing about leaving children (even quite big ones) alone is whether they feel comfortable with it. Some might feel afraid to be left alone, but be reluctant to say so, in case the parent thinks they are being silly. I was left alone a lot as a young child, and I hated it. I used to be terrified of burglars. It had such an effect on me that I was in my early twenties before I felt comfortable being alone at home.

Yeah, I can relate to that.

She isn't worried of being alone at all though. She wants to stay here for a week while we go away. There isn't a chance of it happening, but it doesn't stop her asking every now and again!

She just doesn't get spooked easily. Unlike me, she is able to watch thrillers last thing at night without it having any impact on her sleep.

She used to sleep downstairs when ds was still at home too (dining room was a bedroom so they had one each), which is something I'd have hated at her age but she wasn't at all bothered about.

DS on the other had, gets spooked about anything, as do I!

suzysue_2

It really does depend on the individual.

Your DD sounds like a very sensible young lady and I'm sure she'll be fine with one night a week.

I am contradicting my own situation though. I am already in a panic at leaving my lads home alone this yr while we have our very first holiday together. (4 nights)

They are 20 and 17. If it was just the 17yr old I would not worry at all as he is very sensible but the 20 yr old is in a world of his own. hmm Actually I think I'll get my mum to stay!

bandraoi

From reading your first and subsequent posts is this the situation:

If your husband works nights, he'll be in the house until 9.30pm or thereabouts and then he'll be home in time to get them both up and out to school?

- The 6 year old will be in bed asleep before he leaves and the 16 year old, will be winding down for the night.
- If the 6 year old is sick then your job is understanding/flexible enough to let you stay home.
- If the 16 year old wants to go out hang out with friends, then the only thing she needs to do is be in by 9.30pm.
- Your husband works 2 mins away and can run back if anything serious crops up

Go for it!
Provided the 16 year old isn't worried about it, I really don't see the problem. I would however have some sort of a back up plan in place so that if something comes up the 16 year old wants to/needs to do then she doesn't feel put upon/resentful that she can't do it on that night.
Also have you considered paying her for her babysitting services?

pboae

If the 16 year old was mature and responsible, and not worried about doing it. I would leave them. I've met 20+ year olds that I wouldn't want to leave alone in my house, and 12 year olds who would probably cope (though I still wouldn't leave a 12 yo on their own overnight).

You know your kids best. If you think they'll be OK, then why not try it and see? You can always get someone to stay later on if you need to.

ailuro2

Can you change the night you work to fit in around any other family member's shifts?

Or change to working a few mornings a week instead of one night.

Work from home?

Not sure what you do just one night a week, is it flexible moneywise to go somewhere else for less hourly rate but more hours?

The fact you asked the question indicates you know it's not right for you.

As to the person who claims to leave their 3 and 7 year olds home alone- they need to go for a run back under their bridge- they're obviously a troll. Anyone with a bit of common sense would have a fold up treadmill available for £20 most weeks from the local paper.:rolleyes:

tattycath

ailuro2 wrote: »

As to the person who claims to leave their 3 and 7 year olds home alone- they need to go for a run back under their bridge- they're obviously a troll. Anyone with a bit of common sense would have a fold up treadmill available for £20 most weeks from the local paper.:rolleyes:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

vix2000

fannyadams wrote: »

FWIW
I used to regularly baby-sit for two boys - 6 and 8 - at least once a week from when i was 14 until i went to college when i was 18.
now, i *sometimes* leave my two (7 1/2 & 3 1/2) for half an hour (long after their bedtime) whilst i go for a run.
I dare say i'll get lampooned for this!:eek:

I used to work with kids in care, and we had kids much older than this as emergency admissions who had been 'abandoned'. In my opinion it is, at least, highly irresponsible, at worst neglect. If you come home to no kids, who's to blame?

bestpud

bandraoi - yes, that's correct. DH would not leave until about 9.50pm and would be back just after 6am. They would not be up before that.

I pay dd for the babysitting she does now.

My employer is very understanding and I can swap shifts pretty easily. He is also very flexible with annual leave. Plus, it is not an issue which is likely to crop up often anyway because dd is so rarely ill.

ailuro2 - I work in a home for adults with learning difficulties. They are all out at work during the day so the shifts cover when they come home until they go back to work the following morning. They are home at the weekend but the weekend work is literally all weekend - from 3pm Friday until 9am Monday. I do not want to leave my children for that long, even though DH would be looking after them. I miss them now because I don't see them from Tuesday morning to Wednesday afternoon - it seems such a long time!

There is a small possibility of doing a different night though.

I originally took the job as it fitted so well around DHs hours. I can't do weekends at the moment as he has to do some, or is on call.

Plus I was still a full time student at the time.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I'm having counselling at the moment for long held issues, which I'm finding very tough but it will hopefully be worth it in the end. For that reason, more than anything, doing just one night is best for us at the moment. It is a sleep in too, so I don't have to sleep the next day and can even go straight into uni, or whatever.

Also, it works in the school holidays as my mum just has her from 3pm, as she would if she were at school. DH picks her up as normal and then leaves for work at 8am and dd15 babysits until I get home about 9.20. No need to pay for childcare.

pboae

bestpud wrote: »

DH would not leave until about 9.50pm and would be back just after 6am. They would not be up before that.

Really... once your DD is 16, I can't see a problem with it (*if* you think she'll be OK with it.) It's a bit more ambiguous when she is still 15, even though she's not likely to change much in the next few weeks, the legal position is less clear I think.