Today I tell my husband...

In_Search_Of_Me

Just caught this & wanted to send a hug. I can understand why Oh is sturggling as being lied to, for whatever reason, is hard. The main thing is he did come back and sounds as if he is willing t work at it with you. Can you take some time to sit down when the kids are asleep & honestly go through finances and come up with realistic solution as a couple? Sounds like youve been shouldering much of the finances & worry and trying to support him as a student. Maybe you both need to thnk of ways to get more money in while he studies - I know its hard as I worked through two degrees (eves, weekends holidays etc) just to get by but it was worth it! Big hugs for you. Keep postin & hugs for you both. Its been a rough old day hasnt it! Onwards & upwards though & hopefully when brdges are mended you'll be stronger for it!

taxi73

So glad he came back and by him taking over the finances he will be able to understand how expensive it is to run a house..the hardest bit is over now and the only way is forward now

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

How's things today, mrslady? Things looking clearer after a good night's sleep?

hannahsmummy1

been there, dont that got the t-shirt. It was awful at the time, but we did get through and it really felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Your OH coming back speaks volumes- it shows he wants to help. My hubby went up the wall about the debt i was in, but after realising what i had gone through- running a house etc he realised that he had been living in cloud cuckoo land in expecting me to survive on what i had! Hope you are feeling much much better!

mrs_lady

I cannot beleive all the support I have had on here. I apologise for not thanking you all personally but am still very new to it all.

So far today has been terrible, worse than yesterday actually. Hubby is keeping out of my way and the mother in law from hell keeps calling, presumably for an update about my latest exploits! I decided I will return to work, there seems to be lots of help with childcare these days I think? Although it turns out if I return, hubby will lose up to half his bursary. Therefore, if I go back it has to be full-time to support everyone. As the children are young, I only wanted to do part time. Hmmmm, seems I have much working out to do.
I still promise to post my SOA.

Debt147

Mrs lady just wanted to say that I think you're doing really well. I kept my debts a secret from my OH for a long time and it was hell, I felt like a was living a lie. When I told him understandable he was very angry/upset that I'd lied to him but when he did calm down it was like a huge weight had been lifted because there were no more secrets. I am sure you will soon be feeling like this. Good luck x

MissEyre

Hi Mrs lady, I wasn't on yesterday so have only just seen your thread-I'm sorry today is not going too well, but congratulations on having told your husband, and what a nuisance, having the mother in law on the phone. Has she said anything to you, or is she just calling to speak to your husband?
If you haven't looked at https://www.entitledto.com yet (hope I have got the website right!), I think it would be a good idea-it gives lots of details about benefits and might give you a clearer idea about where you would be if you did decide to go back to work full time.
Thinking of you! x

boredofbeingathome

mrs_lady wrote: »

I cannot beleive all the support I have had on here. I apologise for not thanking you all personally but am still very new to it all.

So far today has been terrible, worse than yesterday actually. Hubby is keeping out of my way and the mother in law from hell keeps calling, presumably for an update about my latest exploits! I decided I will return to work, there seems to be lots of help with childcare these days I think? Although it turns out if I return, hubby will lose up to half his bursary. Therefore, if I go back it has to be full-time to support everyone. As the children are young, I only wanted to do part time. Hmmmm, seems I have much working out to do.
I still promise to post my SOA.

I suggest he also goes back to work part time-and with regard to MIL tell her you have a plan to sort it out--you are both grown ups and he shouldn't go running to mummy and telling tales! These are your financial affairs and he should take responsibilty for them as well. If she wants to help she can look after the children-tell her it will make a real and positive contribution and be helping you both out.

chappers

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

My hubby went up the wall about the debt i was in, but after realising what i had gone through- running a house etc he realised that he had been living in cloud cuckoo land in expecting me to survive on what i had!

Statements like that amaze me . I'm not anew man or anything but I find it unbelieveable that in this day and age some men still think they can go out to work and hand over money to their wives and that is the end of their responsibility.
Marriage is a financial contract as well as an emotional one as those that have been through divorce will testify to, your families finances are both your business. I have married friend at it still amazes me when one of them says to the other have you got that £30 quid you owe me for the phone bill or whatever.
Combining your resources not only gives you both a sense of being in control but gives you the flexibilty to sort out hicups in your finances when they occur and prevent them turning into major disaters.

boredofbeingathome

chappers wrote: »

Statements like that amaze me . I'm not anew man or anything but I find it unbelieveable that in this day and age some men still think they can go out to work and hand over money to their wives and that is the end of their responsibility.
Marriage is a financial contract as well as an emotional one as those that have been through divorce will testify to, your families finances are both your business. I have married friend at it still amazes me when one of them says to the other have you got that £30 quid you owe me for the phone bill or whatever.
Combining your resources not only gives you both a sense of being in control but gives you the flexibilty to sort out hicups in your finances when they occur and prevent them turning into major disaters.

Well said chappers:T It is a refreshing attitude. I have always been of the same opinion and even though i find myself constantly in the murky stuff with OH have always felt it is joint responsibilty. I have always maintained he works hard for us -his family and wants the best- not always affordable-but it is his intentions. Therefore when the chips are down, minge, groan get it off your chest(this place is brill for that) but ultimately accept that marriage is joint and therefore a partnership. We all, and i include myself in this, feel like walking away at times-had a recent wobble myself, and have found such tremendous support that it gets me back on track, girding my loins so to speak and getting on with it.I hope the OP'S husband does see a way forward and joins her in tackling this debt.