Today I tell my husband...

boredofbeingathome

vivatifosi wrote: »

Hi Mrs Lady,

Well done for being brave. I'm sorry about your situation and it is hard to manage on student finance for sure. However, if your husband feels that he is going to lose his bursary (which hopefully he won't) there is nothing wrong with his taking a part time job too.

Forgive me for sticking my tuppence worth in, but if you're bringing up the kids it will be hard for either of you to go get some extra cash in, so why shouldn't he consider something too?

My husband commuted to London to get his PhD and worked part time in a shop nearer home at weekends. He still got really good feedback. Sure its harder, but it is all possible.

I agree, he should do more. After all who would finance him if he was on his own?

setmefree2

Hi

Just wondered what degree course Mrs Lady's partner is doing? and how far through it he is? This must have some bearing on the outcome? Is there money at the end of it
Just wondered if he has his head totally buried in the sand....don't mean to offend anyone.:o I've been lead to believe by lecturer friends that most students have jobs these days - and they are the one's without kids.

SMF2

belfastgirl23

Just been reading your thread, first of all really well done on telling him! It's such a hard thing to do!

But also just to say that it doesn't sound to me like your budget would ever have been realistic unless your DH gets one heck of a bursary. To feed and clothe two adults and three kids on this plus WFTC and child benefit would be very tricky I would think, esp if he has to travel etc. So if the budget was always unrealistic I do think you have to say so.

It also worries me a little bit that you're scared to talk to him about finances. I know you say he's a lovely man but it sounds to me like he has some serious control issues around this one area. Since you're in it up to your neck anyway then maybe now is the time to have this out with him. If he makes it impossible for you to talk to him about money then you need to tell him so. And without abdicating responsibility for the part of the problem that is yours, you need to let him know that he is also responsible for some of it.

As for talking to him mum TBH I know I'd need someone to unload on if this happened and I guess she was the right person for him. He does have a right to seek support. Do you have a reason for thinking she will be horrible about it? She might be phoning to offer support?? Just a thought, I know there's often a history here though!!

Anyway if it's any comfort, just to say that what you are doing now is investing in your joint future (by supporting your DH to study). Once he graduates and gets hopefully a higher paying job because of your investment things will be a lot easier. I know it might seem a long way away now but try to keep this vision in your mind as you deal with the problems now. This too will pass as they say...

Lots of luck anyway...

setmefree2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

just to say that what you are doing now is investing in your joint future (by supporting your DH to study). Once he graduates and gets hopefully a higher paying job because of your investment things will be a lot easier.

Belfast girl - I sooooo agree with most of what you said, especially about the partner refusing to talk about money - which is crazy when they have 3 kids and are living on a grant....but I don't believe that all (but some do) degrees lead to a higher paying job....I think it depends on what degree he is doing...:o my point being is his degree financially viable pathway for this family at this point ? My MIL is doing a degree and she is 66...it's in Relgion & Philosophy. So people can do a degree at any age. I'm sure the op loves her partner and wants him to finish his degree but unless there is money at the end of it- the question has to be asked whether he should? Not that it is anthing to do with me of course.....just you can't help but wonder....

GoodRiddance

I cant believe he was surprised you were in debt when you're trying to raise 3 children on benefits, both unemployed and modern luxaries such as computers and broadband in the home. Well done for opening his eyes to your joint situation and making him equally as responsible for your families financial future. Best of luck

mrs_lady

just a quickie as I know you have been asking.... hubby is a student nurse so no, there won't be a huge paying job at the other end, if only... and he only started in September and thats when everything went loopy with the pennies. (Haven't run up £10k of debt since then, but alot contributes to him getting only £923 per month and me £540 per month.

I think he's being ok so far, but I still feel another row on the horizon...

redmel1621

mrs_lady wrote: »

just a quickie as I know you have been asking.... hubby is a student nurse so no, there won't be a huge paying job at the other end, if only... and he only started in September and thats when everything went loopy with the pennies. (Haven't run up £10k of debt since then, but alot contributes to him getting only £923 per month and me £540 per month.

I think he's being ok so far, but I still feel another row on the horizon...

Hi I just want to say that me and my dh are both studying part time and work part time, we are only on the same income as you. We do have a small amount of debt (£1800) but half of that is on 2xoverdrafts (from years back) and the other half is split between a cc and a catalogue. We have re-jigged a few bills etc and are able to pay £100+pm off the debt, so as much as I do sympathise with you, it is not impossible to live on your income!!!

btw we are a family of 4 with 1x big dog, 2 x cats, 2 rabbits and a hamster... we don't smoke, drink, buy posh clothes (or any clothes really lol) but we are happy, It is a very stressful time for us too but we know(hope) it will all be worth it in the end. I really think you need to put up your SOA.

Mel x

kizzykizzywizzy

I would be so mad with my hubby if he ran to Mummy:mad:
I'm sure he was in shock, but I'm sorry this is not all your fault.
I think you will be totally exhausted working full time with 3 children, I've just started working part time after my 2 are both settled at school & hubby works away, so I suppose because I have to do everything, it's the equivalent to working full time & I'm more tired than I can say!
As someone else has suggested, can MIL help with childcare so you & your husband can get part time jobs? I just don't think it's at all fair for you to work yourself so hard if he's not - sorry if I'm blunt, but fairs fair.

P.S Bored of being at home minge is what we call a lady's moomoo in Lala land:rotfl:

The_Bride

Hello Mrs Lady!

Your work/life situation is exactly the same as mine but the roles reversed, Im the student nurse and Mr Bride looks after our 3 kids. I suggest your husband does some part time work, maybe bank work as a HCA to bring in some extra money without affecting your bursary.

Im only in uni 3 days a week an have roughly 8/10 weeks holiday a year so plenty of time to do assignments and get a few hours work in.

Theres no way I'd get my DH to work until the kids are old enough to look after themselves, far too much hard work, he does enough and Im a grateful that he has sacrifed his own career so I can pursue mine.

Good Luck

mrs_lady

Here we go...


Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1463
Expenses (including secure debts)....... 1205.16
Available for debt repayments........... 257.84
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 238
Surplus(deficit if negative)............ 19.84

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 196000
(Assets less secured debt).............. 126000
Total liabilities(what you owe)......... 75920
Personal net worth...................... 120080

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 0
Partners monthly income after tax....... 923
Benefits................................ 540
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1463

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 308.16
Secure loan repayments.................. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold flat)...... 0
Council tax............................. 92
Electricity............................. 35
Gas..................................... 40
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 32
Telephone (land line)................... 53
Mobile phone............................ 15
TV Licence.............................. 19
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 16
Groceries etc. ......................... 280
Clothing................................ 20
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 60
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 23
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 10
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 20
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 40
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 15
Buildings insurance..................... 35
Contents insurance...................... 27
Life assurance ......................... 45
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1205.16

Secure Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 70000....(308.16)...N/A
Total secured debts........... 70000.....N/A.......N/A

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
capital one ...................520.......30........0
Vanquis........................400.......20........0
catalogues.....................3000......100.......0
Provident......................2000......88........0
Total unsecured debts..........5920......238.......N/A

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 195000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 1000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 196000

Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission.We are going on u-switch later to compare prices for all our insurances and plan to switch them asap. I also know I am spending loads on groceries and bits and that all changes when we do the shopping, what is cheaper though, Lidl or say Asda smartprice for a big shop? Any comments would be grateful, although nobody tell me off, I feel bad enough already!:o