Today I tell my husband...

aliasojo

Being seriously anti-men, as I am at the moment, lol....I'm surprising myself for wanting to say this.........but I'm quite surprised at the amount of posters who have downed the OP's hubby for speaking to his Mum.

To be fair, this must have come as one hell of a shock to him and I think it's ridiculous to expect someone to just 'handle it'. The OP needed support, but she has known about this for a lot longer so has had more time to come to terms with it all, whereas it was a bolt from the blue for her hubby...........so should he just have shouldered it all and kept it to himself? He obviously needed to offload just as the OP did, just be greatful he had someone to offload to. Plenty people with no support can just go under with the stress of dealing with things like this.

Now that everything is out in the open, best to make sure it stays that way I think and make sure hubby is aware of all the financial issues and you dont get left with it all again.

Best wishes and good luck.

jo1972

Just wanted to say hi and good luck, just read your thread and it sounds as though you've taken your head out of the sand and are definately on the way to sorting out yours (and OH's) finances. I'm glad he came back, he was obviously upset that this was happening behind his back but hopefully he'll realise that you are a partnership and it's not that bad amount of debt, if you read some of the peoples debts on here it'd make his toes curl!!

Good luck hun, I look forward to reading your progress.

PS, I never did get round to telling my OH about my debts of £22k, it's taken me 8 years but I've now almost managed to pay them off by myself and hopefully he will never find out :undecided

boredofbeingathome

aliasojo wrote: »

Being seriously anti-men, as I am at the moment, lol....I'm surprising myself for wanting to say this.........but I'm quite surprised at the amount of posters who have downed the OP's hubby for speaking to his Mum.

To be fair, this must have come as one hell of a shock to him and I think it's ridiculous to expect someone to just 'handle it'. The OP needed support, but she has known about this for a lot longer so has had more time to come to terms with it all, whereas it was a bolt from the blue for her hubby...........so should he just have shouldered it all and kept it to himself? He obviously needed to offload just as the OP did, just be grateful he had someone to offload to. Plenty people with no support can just go under with the stress of dealing with things like this.

Now that everything is out in the open, best to make sure it stays that way I think and make sure hubby is aware of all the financial issues and you don't get left with it all again.

Best wishes and good luck.

I can see where you are coming from, with this. In all fairness, yes he needed someone to talk to. However, he walked out leaving her in such distress and very little money, which probably prompted the postings -mine included.
I am glad he is getting some agency work, but the impression i get from the SOA ,is that he is not taking on board the fact (as other OP'S have posted) that with such a ltd income, and the stress and strain involved in supporting someone studying full time, then there is bound to be an increase in indebtedness..
I totally agree with the last statement. It is a good thing now it is all out in the open, and there is much to be positive about. There is always the possibility that with studying full time, then there will be a sizable amount of debt at the end of it-just a thought but was there any planning on OH's part with regards to this? If not, then now is a good time to get it all out in the open and thoroughly go through everything in order to minimize future impact.
Also another thought-but would it be worthwhile if OH himself was to look on here to see if he can help himself find a way forward as well. There are some good student support rooms, and some ideas which may help him in his studies. It is stressful studying with a family- I know as i have done it myself. I only wish there had been this site when i was doing so, and it would also lift the situation away from close family involvement.
Good luck with it all.

AnW'sMum

Well done on getting this out in the open, the only way is up from now on

The only other thing I can add, from looking at your SOA your water rates seem high. Are you paying rates or are you on a meter? If you are paying rates look into having a meter instead. In our local area they will fit a meter free then you can keep an eye on consumption and if you feel it will cost you more you can go back to the rates system. Might be worth a try.

duchy

I don't have an issue with him talking to his Mum-he probably needed to talk to someone BUT where I do have an issue is that there is joint FAMILY debt and he blithely announces he'll do bank shifts but only to pay off his PERSONAL overdraft ?????????
As for the SOA house insurance looks high-you should be able to bring that right down by bundling buildings and contents together in one policy-I currently pay £265pa for both with the co-op and that also netted me a £70 cashback from quidco this month. Definitely look at bundling home phone and internet in one package for a better deal. When it comes to food shopping-menu plan-and then only shop ONCE
Right off to work now-hopefully there will be lots of really useful ideas to help you get a handle on all this.

Burlesque_Babe

Good to see you've done the SOA Mrs Lady

I would say to have a look at reducing the buildings and contents insurance, get a few quotes and then go through Quidco.

Would changing to a water meter shave a few pennies off?

The APR's are the next thing to get - yes. It's all a learning curve and you're doing fab so far

Bismarck

Hi....two things.....

the main one...well done for posting in the first place and secondly getting it out in the open...talk about a tough one!

Just curious...is the mortgage you pay interest only? Otherwise it is lower than I'd have expected or is it over a huge term?

anyhow...you've done the hardest part...the long haul is still ahead but you're not alone and that is the main thing....

pavlovs_dog

mrs lady i've only had time to skim your thread at the mo, but on the practical side the best piece of advice i can offer is talk to your husband. the big stuff, the little stuff and everything in between. it wont be easy at first, there will be times when the thought of opening your mouth and getting the words to leave you lips will make you sick to your stomach, but you will feel so much better in the end for having it all out in the open.

the best way for you to move forward is if you know where you both stand and are honest with each other. so keep talking. tell him how you're feeling, ask for his advice, opinion etc. and keep doing it - i promise it will get easier. these things normally get worse before they get better, but they will get better. keep at it xx

Adzha

Well done for being honest and good luck

bank_of_slate

Hi Mrs Lady
come back to talk!
There are lots of people who care and will support you on here!
...Linda xx