Today I tell my husband...

lorac3

Bump for Mrs Lady

Butterfliesarepretty

My ex used to leave me to do the financial bit and when we ended up £400 overdrawn he used to go balistic and blame me for everything. Seven years later I am better off after divorce and he has just failed in his second marriage after only three years, and yet again its her fault.

I have debt now and its due to cost of living, not spending silly.
I just accept it at the moment.:beer:

chevalier

I really hope that you can sort it out between you. Good luck with the SOA. We will support you all we can
chev

kizzykizzywizzy

Hello Mrs Lady, hopefully you are not on here because you are busy talking to CAB or CCCS.
It's understandable that he has walked off, if he really had no idea, I'm sure it's a shock to him, but he really has got to open his eyes & understand what it costs to run a home & bring up 3 children.

I know it's awful, but do your children have building societies, that you could just borrow ( & I do mean borrow, before you all beat me with sticks:o ) a few quid from to get some nappies, I've had to do this several times when desperate & it's really helped me out, of course I've paid them back as soon as I could.
Just an idea

frugallass

Mrs Lady just to let you know I'm thinking about you xxx

Burlesque_Babe

Hi Mrs Lady

I'm sure he will be back after the initial shock has worn off. Not unexpected,but still not a nice reaction. In a way though, it can only get better - you've told him, you are (hopefully) on the phone to CCCS to try to resurrect/start again with them and you are looking at putting together an SOA. How he could have thought you could both manage - he is possibly cross with himself for not realising and/or putting his head in the sand thinking that you'd all 'get by somehow'.

I would echo thoughts of using Freecycle.

Have you any Tesco vouchers you could use?

headinthesand_3

Sorry to hear about your hubby

I am sure he will come round us men tend to overreact and storm about, in the same way you girls slam doors, he will come home tonight or at the latest tomorrow, so use this time to work out an SOA and Budget so you have a starting point to discuss how TOGETHER you can work through this. At the end of the day running away or shouting isn't going to get rid of your debt, only hard work can do that, and the great people on here will help every step of the way.

They never judge, they just give helpful solutions and advice

You have motivated me to tell my gf my debt problems and mine are 3 times yours!!! So tomorrow I will tell her, she is 5 months pregnant so hope i can run faster than she can waddle, if she makes a break for it!!

Good luck

Dougy_The_Debt_Counsellor

I am not going to wish you good luck, because you don't need it. I know everyone has probably said it, but you are doing the right thing. You really need to share the load.

I speak to a lot of people in the same boat as you, and once you have done the hard part, you will be surprised how much easier things are, and probably wish you had done it a lot earlier.

Would also be a priority to contact CCCS again and speak to your debt counsellor there. Once you have told your husband you can then speak to them about a review, where they can update your details based on your circumstances now.

Then hopefully you can get back on track, with the backing of your husband as well. I know you might be scared, but don't give up now as you are so close to making things a lot better. :rotfl:

chappers

As shawtj2 says maybe this is always going to be an issue between you and him.Did the debts come from you just trying to keep the kids fed and run the house or has it been down to secret spending on your part. If the former than your husband has to take half the responsibility for this, tell him in no uncertain terms to get himself home as he has a responsibility to the children and then you can sit down and sort this out between you . Whatever the outcome of your relationship because of this , he has aresponsibility to the children that you can't let him wriggle out of.

mrs_lady

trulymadlydeeply_indebt! wrote: »

You okay, Mrs lady? You've gone all quiet .....

I'm back, for a minute or two...

Husband came home after 3 hours and ranted and raged. I listened (and kept my gob shut for once!). He has had to increase his overdraft to get us through to monday when I get paid, and he has now nipped off to Sainsburys to buy some value bits (and nappies! hurrah!). He said although he is shocked and cannot beleive how skint we are, the worst thing was my betraying him. By that he meant, he couldnt understand why I had not spoken out before. He feels let down that I fibbed about money (I did, but only because I was scared of the fallout!) and says it will take time to rebuild my trust. I can handle that I suppose. Anyhoo, the upshot is I am now paying my money into his bank directly and I have a telephone meeting with CCCS on monday morning. I couldn't do it today as I was into much of a state. Now I have a few days to prepare all my bits. I know the tension will be high for a bit, but I expected that.

Thing is, when he left, he went and told his mum! Guess I don't look to popular in her eyes.... (don't care , its not her I'm married to!)

Will try and get back on later or in the morning to do this SOA thing to get all your advice. Big thanks to you all, you've made today that little bit easier xxx