Today I tell my husband...

GeorgeUK

One of the members here (Clariman) has written a program that will help you do an SOA.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

MSE refers to the moneysavingexpert forum, so you can copy and paste the details after changing it to the correct format.

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

Well done Mrs Lady, you're over the worst now. You knew it wouldn't be easy and the reaction he gave wasn't unexpected. Now enjoy the relief you must feel that it's out in the open and take the next step.

A former boss of mine used to turn Manager's away from his office with the comment "don't bring me problems, bring me solutions". It was hard for the manager's at the time but it did stop them expecting my boss to sort things out for them. From then on, they used to come in and say"Bob, I have a situation but I think we can sort it out by doing a, b, and c or x, y and z." It made them take stock and realise they COULD GET THROUGH IT and boosted their confidence no end. This is where you are now.

Firstly, you need nappies - how can you get around this?
Secondly, your OH is most likely going to come home and wonder what to do next. Your next step then, is to contact CAB, CCCS etc., and formulate a plan.

Keep a clear head and focus on the next couple of hours.

I hope that didn't sound harsh as I really didn't mean it to. I really want you not to panic and realise you've been very brave thus far and you can do this. Your OH is probably hurt, confused, panicking and maybe deep down knows he is also a contributor to your stress and may be feeling guilty too.

Keep posting and we'll keep you on the straight and narrow when every seems to be going awry.

(((HUGS)))

TMD xx

Edited to add - CONGRATULATIONS kizzykizzywizzy - just noticed your sig - what a wonderful feeling that must be. Are you watching Mrs Lady - you see, it is possible!

cat4772

Mrs Lady

check out this thread: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=562271 which has details of things like the budget planner - this shows whether you can 'earn' enough to make ends meet or not. Once you've done this, see the Southern Scouser's help for first time posters with help on how to make a SOA (please do add things like APR%, credit limit and minimum payments to credit cards and for loan, how many months remain e.g.

CC1 (Credit Card): £3300 balance, £3500 limit, 7%apr, £70minimum payment
Loan1: £67 per month, 27 months remaining

This helps the crew to know where to offer advice more specifically. If you are not comfortable doing this yet, don't worry. I'm sure we've all worried about admitting online just how much debt we are in!

Also check out the Moneysaving Old Style board - this may help with cutting down food bills!

All the best,

Cat.x

ps - Kizzykizzywizzy, you must be so proud. WELL DONE!
1m

boredofbeingathome

My goodness me. All i can do at this present time is add my support. There has been some overwhelmingly wonderful advice on here, and i sincerely hope you are managing to get through the day.
My OH was in the same position as you are, and it has been hard- but we are working it out. Interestingly a long while ago (15 years) I was a mature student, with three little ones, but i always worked (evenings, anything) and never expected someone else to shoulder the financial responsibility. I remember getting uppity if someone suggested my OH was supporting me financially and would soon put them right. I took care of child care arrangements, and food and council tax. I am not suggesting he is not pulling his weight, but although there is a heavy workload at Uni, there is enough time to work around this, and i am sure he could contribute more in that respect. If he already is, then forgive my assumptions.
Hope the talks go well with cccs and well done for posting. Thinking of you today. Bob xx

WelshWoofer

Just a thought about the nappies....
Do you have a Nectar card or similar with any points on it? Perhaps you could "spend" a voucher for nappies?
Good luck and chin up.

DebbieMids72

Big hugs and good luck Mrs Lady.

I hope things improve for you soon.

tallyhoh

Is all this really your fault? Walking out & leaving you with 3 kids & no money is not really responsible either. I hope he comes back when he's cleared his head.
I cant imagine how your husband thought that you could not get into trouble with just a grant & tax credits, he must have left all the responsibility to you ( I'm with dithering dad on this subject).
Was the debts built up using money flippantly or just spending day by day? Take a good look--again, was it all your fault?

I think the debts may have been inevitable under the circumstances & your husband buried his head in the sand.

You should both contact one of the free debt charity programmes ASAP.

boredofbeingathome

I agree with you Tallyhoh, i was going to add something similar myself-but couldn't think how to word it- without going off on one!

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

You okay, Mrs lady? You've gone all quiet .....

dotstar24

Hi Mrs Lady.

If you can't lend any cash off anyone is there anything you can pawn for the time being? (REALLY last resort stuff, only do it if u know u can get it back out). i just got my jewellry out, only for it to go back in after a month cos my partner needed diesel for getting to work! :rolleyes:


i hope everything works out sweets. xxxxxxxx