!!!! hits fan

hobo28

optimisticbutstruggling wrote: »

He will occasionaly give me a loan...ie on friday when he must have realised I was in trouble.... shaking,deathly pallor)he gave me a loan of £300 but wants it back asap.

optimisticbutstruggling wrote: »

... Also loaned OH £2k which ive never seen again ..)

WHAT? And he has the audacity to ask you for the £300 back asap!?!?! Just tell him you've deducted it from the £2k you loaned him!

The way I see it is that at the moment the finances are totally unequal. he pays you a set amount a month regardless of outgoings and whilst you have racked up debts he's saving enough to "graciously" loan you £300. Worse still he doesn't seem to think the debts are his as well! Thats not what a marriage is about!

Would he be willing to consider pooling the money into a joint account whereby you both take a set amount out each month for "personal spends" and the rest goes on bills/debts etc? I just don't see why you are letting him get away with not pulling his weight. You are married! Your problem is his problem!

optimisticbutstruggling

We did open a joint account but he will not pay his wages into it despite years of trying.
When First Direct picked through my finances last year ,they told me i had to pay in the money OH gives me every month.i asked him time & time again...incl last friday (LM day)to arrange a dd from his account to mine....he told me not to "stress"him...haha...he has no clue what stress means.He just gives me cash in usually 2 lots & usually in Tesco...so it never usually gets near a bank....

On a positive note...OH seems to have really got motivated since my :mad: monday blowout.I am totally resolved to change MY behaviour & not settle for anything less than £400 mnth.

Chased Pet Insurance yesterday & am adding the £45 visit from last friday.
Called British Gas to lower £30 gas dd,but they wud only do it by 10 %.
My electricity is £80 in credit !!! will get a refund when i give them a meter reading.
Its amazing(not),how i have not missed payments on anything for a year yet one crisis can throw everything into chaos !
Therefore i,m sticking to my spending diary (luckily my fav red wine is reduced from £8.99 to £3.99)....not that i ever bought it at £8.99 !
Cheers xxx

hobo28

Good luck, personally I still think your too soft on him and I think you know that too. I know in the same situation my OH would not be so tolerant! But I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

optimisticbutstruggling

TotallyBroke wrote: »

I can partly sympathise with you. I too have some problems with my OH when it comes to money. He has a gambling problem but we are getting around that. But his wages get paid into my bank account and I try and control the money. My OH pays half of everything even though it is my house (bought long before we were together) Both wages go into account and all bills come out of same account. What is left if anything is for us. Now my wages are more than his but so are my debts so it balances out quite well. My OH will benefit from my house if we ever sell it so therefore he has to contribute towards it as far as I am concerned. My suggestion is he pays half of everything as that is what a marriage is a joining of two to become one half and half. Good luck

Good luck to you ,you have definately got the right attitude xx

Keeping_Motivated

Hi

You're still going good guns by the sound of it, well done.

I was thinking, your OH has £600/£700 to himself EVERY month, you say he has no debts? Are you sure he is not hiding some? What exactly does he spend his money on or has he got a big wedge of savings somewhere while watching you struggle? This might be an area to explore with him to find out where he is coming from.