!!!! hits fan

Bismarck

he managed a full day then? must be exhausted....

Totallyfedup

Hi Optimisticbutstruggling,

I have read through the whole of your thread and admire how you are coping with everything. Although, I really think that you need to talk with your OH and insist that he pays you more than £400 a month towards the bills. It sounds to me as if he is well and truly using you and from what I’ve read – you certainly don’t deserve to be treated like a doormat!

If I were you, I would be showing him the door pretty sharpish if he doesn’t contribute a lot more towards the household expenses. If he has gone sick after one day in his new job, it sounds like he doesn’t give a damn about you footing the majority of household expenses and is playing you for a fool.

You deserve better than what he is putting you through and I hope for your health and sanity that you realise this before much longer. I’m sorry if I have offended you, but feel that it needed saying.

Keeping_Motivated

optimisticbutstruggling wrote: »

Morning all ,was hoping for another good day.....First direct didnt cancel a DD & i'm now £250 in overdraft.
Also ,OH HAS DONE ONE DAY AT NEW JOB & IS NOW SICK ....

Just to give him the benefit of the doubt I'll ask is he GENUINELY sick?

But other than that he 'can' go off sick because like my son who has us to rely on so he doesn't have to take life 'too' seriously yet, your OH has YOU to rely on. Its not sounding like an equal all grown partnership more of a parent and child relationship and unless you bring things into balance somehow, the scales will keep tipping in his favour.

Good luck I know its not easy when you have behaved a certain way for a long time to suddenly change but maybe you are having a lightbulb moment with the OH and that is hopefully a start.

MissEyre

Hi, have just read this thread-missed it somehow originally...

Sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment, but you seem determined to sort it out, and have taken the first steps (new account etc) with this. Have you managed to sit down with OH yet and take him through your household finances? If you search the threads on here, there are quite a few budgets for single people renting a place by themselves, and believe me, £300 a month doesn't even start to cover it-this could be a useful wake up call for him that if he ends up paying all his own bills, his standard of living will go down fast. He needs to understand that he is an adult, your husband, and from now on, that means cheerfully paying his fair share into the household kitty every month-no ifs, no buts-he's a grown up, and he needs to pay his way.

Are you signed up for Pigsback, survey sites and Quidco yet? Useful way of picking up a little bit of extra money/vouchers for treats each month-it sounds like you need a bit of looking after! xxx

optimisticbutstruggling

morning all !
Thanks for replies.....had a bit of a blow out with OH yesterday :mad: ....he is in no doubt as to his contribution.I have asked him for minimum £400 towards bills & to help with food...I told him i can't cope alone any longer..
i should point out he is ten years younger than me.....so perhaps all the Parent & child comments are spot on........i know things will change now though.
He had a migraine but wanted to come to the bank with me....so i sent him to the job centre..

Spent the whole afternoon clearing & sorting old bills etc & shredded 2 binbags full...
I have decided to really get a serious grip of my finances ,with the mortgage reypayment hols i should be able to make a difference..
Took courage & called First Direct back....surprise i got a nice person on the line ......they agreed to give me two weeks to get some money into account...but to be honest i think they did this to shock me(threatening to close my account )as she said things like "in future"....
Too late FD i,m off to the Halifax .

goin to call British gas today to lower my dd,s.....every little helps !

OH back to work...hurah !;)

pandapaws

I think you need to work out what proportion of YOUR money goes toward bills, food, general household needs - probably 90% or so, and then take the same percentage from him.

And if he doesn't like it...

optimisticbutstruggling

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Once the bank crisis is sorted, then the OH is sorted then seriously consider going through each item on your SOA and see if you can reduce each one if possible or even if that particular outgoing is necessary at all as every pound really does help at the end of the month.

Also as someone already mentioned keep a spending diary to see exactly where every penny is going.

Check your food bill too try and save in this area you'll be surprised how you can do this.

If you don't take control of all these things once you have dealt with the immediate crisis's then you will just be fire fighting and not really getting a handle on your money and IT will continue to run you instead.

Good luck keep us posted of how things go with the kitten and the bank and of course OH!

Started spending diary on monday......& have been amazed at how much food you can buy for £5...if you think about it beforehand.......

Kitten is doing really well thanks .....to be honest i would sell my house for him if i had to...hes just wonderful !!

xxxx

hobo28

I don't usually hang out on this board but have found this thread rivetting.

I think you realise you need to sort out your husband. I think you have let him get away with too much for too long and personally I think you made a mistake moving to your flat given your financial circumstances. So its not all your OH's fault but he does need to grow up and understand that in a marriage your problems are also his problems. Otherwise give up now and find someone who does understand that. As your husband you need to know that when the s**t hits the fan he'll stand by you side by side and not as he is doing now which is really at best uninterested, at worst making things worse.

I've no advice on the finances but like I said you do need to sort your relationship out. You are his wife and partner. Your problems are his problems and of course vice versa.

optimisticbutstruggling

hobo28 wrote: »

I don't usually hang out on this board but have found this thread rivetting.

I think you realise you need to sort out your husband. I think you have let him get away with too much for too long and personally I think you made a mistake moving to your flat given your financial circumstances. So its not all your OH's fault but he does need to grow up and understand that in a marriage your problems are also his problems. Otherwise give up now and find someone who does understand that. As your husband you need to know that when the s**t hits the fan he'll stand by you side by side and not as he is doing now which is really at best uninterested, at worst making things worse.

I've no advice on the finances but like I said you do need to sort your relationship out. You are his wife and partner. Your problems are his problems and of course vice versa.

Thanks for this.....it was a risk but i have always believed renting is a waste of money & i had £20k deposit sitting in the bank burning a hole.(got £37k from sale of prevous flat...spent £17k on clearing debts Also loaned OH £2k which ive never seen again ..)So i felt it would be much better to invest in a property & that it would be better to be paying towards ur own mortgage & not some clutching landlord.
I know one day i will make money from this place.....it is a struggle but i realise from discussing it that it definately is partly my fault for totally indulging my OH.
My fixed rate comes to an end in 4 yrs time & by then i hope to be in a much better position.
i have been reading other threads of people who are brilliant with their finances....its really inspiring me !
xx

TotallyBroke

I can partly sympathise with you. I too have some problems with my OH when it comes to money. He has a gambling problem but we are getting around that. But his wages get paid into my bank account and I try and control the money. My OH pays half of everything even though it is my house (bought long before we were together) Both wages go into account and all bills come out of same account. What is left if anything is for us. Now my wages are more than his but so are my debts so it balances out quite well. My OH will benefit from my house if we ever sell it so therefore he has to contribute towards it as far as I am concerned. My suggestion is he pays half of everything as that is what a marriage is a joining of two to become one half and half. Good luck