!!!! hits fan

Keeping_Motivated

optimisticbutstruggling wrote: »

Very perceptive description of my approach to collecting OHs contribution.
Youre right,debts aside he should pay more than £300...which is less than a quarter of the household bills.I'm way too nice....

Nice doesn't pay the bills

optimisticbutstruggling

Absolutely right xx
I have to get :mad:

Keeping_Motivated

Once the bank crisis is sorted, then the OH is sorted then seriously consider going through each item on your SOA and see if you can reduce each one if possible or even if that particular outgoing is necessary at all as every pound really does help at the end of the month.

Also as someone already mentioned keep a spending diary to see exactly where every penny is going.

Check your food bill too try and save in this area you'll be surprised how you can do this.

If you don't take control of all these things once you have dealt with the immediate crisis's then you will just be fire fighting and not really getting a handle on your money and IT will continue to run you instead.

Good luck keep us posted of how things go with the kitten and the bank and of course OH!

pandapaws

Sorry if it's really harsh, but you need to kick his asre right in to touch. He's totally out of order and sounds (to me anyway) like a complete and utter sponger. Really sorry - you probably love him and have a very happy relationship in other respects, but from what I've just read, however much he loves you, he's totally using you. I know there are 2 sides to every story and we're only hearing yours, but I just can't see any reasonable explanation if all you say is true (and I don't doubt you!) and there's nothing significant being left out. Are you actually married to him or just a couple? How long have you been together? Sorry, I know I'm prying, but just trying to get a grasp on how you can best squeeze more cash out of him! Any kids involved?

Keep posting and let us all know how it goes. I really do wish you the best in getting it all sorted out.

Cleosmum

I think its time your OH realised that all money goes into the pot and gets budgeted out and then between you you get to decide where the surplus goes, whether thats savings, holiday, paying things off early. What on earth does he spend £700 a month on?!?

optimisticbutstruggling

Thanks for this.Yes weve been married for 4 years & he has paid about the same since we moved in. together..
Bit of a sore point kids ...I had a miscarriage about two years ago & since then he has said we cannot afford kids ..which is totally true.

He also says that I chose a flat over a baby,as in his logic its one or the other.I felt it would be sensible to have our own flat to give a stable home to a baby instead of being at the mercy of Landlords & the Rental market as prices go up so does rents.
Hence I have 3 cats (probably to compensate for the fact that i am now 40 & i have very little options left.)

I have nothing to hide ..this is how it is..........

chevalier

"Hiya,he doesnt earn as much as me about £1000 per month & he has no debts at all.He does not know of the extent of my debts but I have told him about the bills ,but he says it was my choice to buy a flat (in my name).He is changing jobs so hopefully should help out more....
The CCs spiralled 2 years ago when he was off sick for 4 months & I had to take money out of them to pay the rent as he had virtually zero income"So did he 'pay you back' for this 4 months of total support? As he is expecting you to pay back this £300 he 'loaned' you. Rather cold isn't it. Surely if this relationship is serious, then money should be pooled for the better ment of all.

Also if you were paying 700ish rent when you bought the property and now spend £778 on the mortgage then they are a bit comparable, but then you are also paying £202 rent, so maybe no so comparable. But when you were renting for £700ish surely is was paying half of the rent with you? If he wante to rent for himself it would cost way more than £300 just to rent the room.

WITHOUT the mortgage I have calculated your monthly spends from your SOA (ie the rent, utilities, insurance, petrol, food, council tax, tv licence etc) at £897.60. You are total earnings between you a month are £3100 with you earning £2100 and OH £1000 (by the way why is this so low?), so you could argue that you should split this proportionately with you paying 2 thirds and him a third. This would mean therefore, that he should pay AT LEAST £299.20 a month.
But this does not include any payment to the loan you have, nor any payment to the mortgage. (Why, if he has benefitted from what the money was spent on, can't he up HIS income, so that you are not so stressed and miserable? I mean he does LOVE YOU doesn't he?????). I am assuming he effectively pays nothing to these because you have let him get away with this? Just because you made the decision to exchange rental for a mortgage, does not give him the right to live in your flat and not pay his way. IF HE LOVED YOU, he would do this anyway, he wouldn't want to free load off you.

Sorry if this is harsh, but what really got me was you saying that he laughed at you when you told him the water bill had gone up, and that he wasn't going to pay it. In which case I would suggest you give him a jug of water, tell him that is his to do with as he likes for the day, and padlock the stop !!!! shut. (Sorry I know this is over the top). YOU have no choice but to pay for his consumption of gas/electricity/water, and the prices people charge. SO NEITHER DOES HE.

I really hope you can make him see some sense over this, because he is being GROSSLY UNFAIR, selfish, and immature.
really upset for you
chev

Keeping_Motivated

How much more expensive does he think it is to buy than rent on a monthly basis? Surely the reast of the bills would have been the same in rented or mortgaged accomodation ish? So if that is his real point why is he not giving you half of EVERYTHING except the difference between what the rent used to be (before buying) and the mortgage?

Does that make sense?

Anyway yes you have nothing to hide and I am sorry if we seem to have attacked the OHs contribution side of things but it just stood out massively..obviously..

HannahandMark

If the vet's bills are crippling you and you are waiting for an insurance payment have you tried talking to your vet about the payments. Our vet is very understanding and will usually come to an agreement as long as we can prove the ability to pay eventually.

Hope you get sorted out and the kind people here will help you.

Kepp smiling, it's only money

pandapaws

That doesn't sound so much like a marriage as a sentence, which probably doesn't make you feel much better. Saying you can't afford kids is pretty nasty of him. If that's how it works, then we can't afford kids either, but we've got one and another on the way and if anything we spend less because we don't go out as much, we don't do big holidays, and it has made us realise that we've got to get our act together financially for their sake more than ours.

Can I be really cheeky and personal: apart from the money problems, are you happy?