How much money to give as wedding gift?

Jet

Loadsabob wrote:

I love thank you letters, I was brought up to write them, and I find it so odd when my cousins never say a word about their gifts.

If you've been in the same room as your boss since his wedding, it's unforgivable that he hasn't mentioned it! I had a friend whose wedding I attended, and she sent out lovely little thank you notes to everyone, on homemade cards with a printed picture of her and her new husband on the wedding day. It was lovely.

I don't expect the earth, but to see you and not say anything?...for Heaven's sake!

I'm seriously wondering if they got the card and money. I left it on our table. The reason for this? I was waiting for the bride and groom to come and talk to us during the evening - and do you know what? They never did!! I know I could have handed it to them when I said goodbye but I was damned if I was going to chase after them to hand them their wedding gift!

I think I might have to ask him. I'm almost hoping they didn't get it as I'm going to be so mad if they did and they haven't said thank you. :mad:

flikkerty

I think it is disgusting, not only to ask for money but not to have even received a thank you, that would have got right up my nose! I think it is a bit distasteful to send out gift list cards in the invitation let alone ask for money, I certainly didn't include them in mine last year and it was commented on as a refreshing change. We also went to Chester (courtesy of my Matron of Honour) for two nights as our honeymoon and it was fantastic. Manners don't cost..

ashmit

Jet wrote:

I'm seriously wondering if they got the card and money. I left it on our table. The reason for this? I was waiting for the bride and groom to come and talk to us during the evening - and do you know what? They never did!! I know I could have handed it to them when I said goodbye but I was damned if I was going to chase after them to hand them their wedding gift!

One of the reasons we only had about 50 people at our wedding was so that we knew we could get round everyone to say hello.

Jet, you should sack your boss

Loadsabob, you weren't at our wedding were you?? THat was our thank you cards!! (And i'm sure, many other people's )

Penny-Pincher!!

Hi

When we got married (nearly 12 years ago and we were only 19) we had quite a big wedding (about 150) but my mum did it mainly all herself. Mum got family/close friends to do different things for the buffet (coleslaw,pasta,sausage rolls,rice,pot salad,cakes,scotch eggs, etc etc)she bought all the dearer items in bulk (meat, cheese, seafood, soft drinks etc)there was a bar which people had to pay for, but she supplied all soft drinks. We didnt want to waste our money on people drinking and getting pi**ed and spoiling our wedding day, so if they wanted to do it-they could pay for it themselves..lol. We had a glass of champers to toast and that was it.

It sounds like a right dive of a wedding, but everyone loved helping out and went well, there was aload of kids there but we had already set about doing kids games etc anyway. It was aimed for the family and we were happy with that.

My wedding cake was beautiful and was a 3 layer tier-made by one of my best mates mum-that was our wedding pressy from her and she used to charge £350+ for her cakes :eek: It was gorgeous though.

We were asked from nearly everyone what we wanted but we were starting out and had nothing so needed everything. We got a notebook on a spiral and tore pages into 3 and wrote down everything we could think of, from wooden spoons to pans etc. No pressy was more than £25.00. We only gave the list to people who wanted to know what to buy us but we never asked for anything...that would have been really rude :eek: Close friends and family gave us cheques/cash/Argos vouchers which we put towards second hand fridge freezer, cooker, WM etc. Mum gave us her old suite (only 1yr old fromJohn Lewis £3500 :eek: ) and we made do till I received some compensation money about 14 months after we got married and had DD. Mum offered to pay for anything and everything but we said NO. We didnt go on honeymoon as we both had to work, but made sure everyone who attended (not neccessarily ones who gave pressys) got a thank you card for coming :rolleyes:

If anyone requested cash for a wedding we were invited too, I wouldnt give anything out of principal. A card and thats it.

My parents are quite comfortable financially and they did offer us a full works wedding, but we refused. Couldnt justify £6000+ for a day :eek: I think its one of the only times our family has pulled together..lol and it was nice to see. It was a good day.

Mum wanted us to go on a honeymoon at her expense (hawaii/jamaica) but we couldnt because of work. We have never asked for anything and dont intend too either. They are always buying DD bits and bobs. TBH I am not that close with my mum (thats a whole other thread..lol) but she has been there and is great with DD.

Penny-Pincher!!
xxx

summerday

"If anyone requested cash for a wedding we were invited too, I wouldnt give anything out of principal. A card and thats it."

I agree with you PP. We have been invited to a couple of reception dos only ie I guess the bridge and geoom don't know/ like us enough to invite us to the whole day which is fair enough, but they've still asked for money on the back of the invite! So they expect cash even though we've only been invited for the evening do. It doesn't sit well with me.

Sarah.

MissSunshine

I did thankyou cards, as I do now for my boys until they're old enough to write and I made/make a point of mentioning the gift given, they're nearly an essay LOL, rather than just saying 'thankyou for the gift it was very kind of you' :rolleyes:

Oh and I've only given vouchers once when asked, to my cousin last year, but we did get a thankyou

OP your not being old fashioned. I know it's no excuse and I'm probably going to get jumped on, but a lot of men wouldn't think of saying thankyou, they leave that to a woman to do. So it's v off that you've not received a thankyou card, if it were me I'd ask him if he got it

Loadsabob

I do wonder about this whole "Evening Do only" invite thing... I wonder sometimes whether people DO extend the evening guest list for the sake of 1. presents, and 2. numbers - they like to see a room full, makes them feel popular, and perhaps they feel it's harder to have a real boogie with just a "close, select" group of friends and family...

That's probably very cynical, and I'm sure there are people who don't have these motives, but invite acquaintence-type people to their evening "do", or often work colleagues, out of obligation! But I think the invitees often feel as saraht expressed, that it's because they're either not close enough or not liked enough to be invited to the whole thing.

Was this always the case, a more extensive evening guest list? I guess going back a bit people didn't have an evening "do"?

I was invited to an evening reception near Oxford, and I didn't go. Not because I didn't like them or care about them, but it was a long, expensive way from Cornwall, just to be in the same room as the happy couple for a few hours...

AussieLass

I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if this has been repeated. We have been invited to my niece's wedding on 1st October (my brother's DD). In the invite included was this poem.

Wishing Well

If finding a gift is hard to do,
Our wishing well is just for you,
A gift of money is placed
In the well,
Then make a wish but do not tell
And for your kindness we are
Sure
That one day soon you will
Get
What you wished for.

Well obviously they want money. The same thing was given by her brother a few years ago. We did give money but it stuck in my neck. I suppose I will have to this time as well. I have seen some lovely things I could have bought when sales have been on. They have been living together for a few years and I suppose they have all the household things.
PS. I did get a thankyou card from nephew.

Loadsabob

When I didn't know a couple very well, I gave them Threshers vouchers, the idea being (as I wrote in the card) that they could indulge in a particularly nice bottle of wine when they returned from honeymoon. It was an unimaginative gift, I know, but I couldn't have jsut thrown money at them...I don't think they asked for money, of has a prescriptive list, come to think of it. I wasn't sure how high Threshers was on the tacky scale, but I figured they're all over the place...was a bit upset at the vouchers which had "Harvester Restaurants" emblazoned on them, too...I guess they're the same group! I cringed.

Jet

Just to let you know that I've just asked my boss if he received his wedding card (and money). He looked slightly embarrassed and (i think) begrudgingly said yes, he did receive it.

Unbelievable!!!!

And... he's just been out for a pint of milk, but come back empty handed. When I asked him if the shop had run out of milk, he said no, the shop hadn't run out. He tried to get money out of his account, but "the machine laughed at me".