How much money to give as wedding gift?

Jet

Aaaaaaaaaargh!!!

I ordered the gift from Oxfam unwrapped last Tuesday morning thinking that there would be loads of time for them to post it to me to reach me by Saturday.

Well, on Friday it hadn't turned up, so I phoned Oxfam unwrapped and the nice man said that they would send me another one and put it in the post first class.

The post came on Saturday morning and there was no gift token from Oxfam. (the post has been this morning as well and it still hasn't arrived). So, I had to go out and buy a wedding card and put £20 in it! So all my deliberation on whether or not to give money or not was wasted!

I phoned Oxfam unwrapped and explained to them that the gift was a wedding present that I needed that day and as it hadn't arrived, I would like to cancel it. They said..... No.

I argued it and they told me she would talk to her supervisor and call me back within 10 minutes. I'm still waiting for the phonecall (that was Saturday morning!)

Now don't get me wrong, it doesn't say anywhere on their website that they will deliver the gifts in any specified time period, but I still think it's unfair that they aren't prepared to cancel the gift.

I'm going to give them another call this morning - I really hope they are prepared to offer me some goodwill and cancel the order otherwise my bosses wedding present will have cost me £20 cash, £16 gift voucher that I won't use, a £6.50 bottle of sparkling wine that I originally bought to go with the voucher, a £2.50 wedding card (which I wouldn't have needed had the gift voucher turned up) and a £2 bottle carrier. That's £47 in all!

Loadsabob

I feel HORRIBLE! It was my suggestion in the first place, and look at the trouble it's caused!.... I'm really sorry!...

Jet

Loadsabob,

Don't feel sorry - it's not your fault. :A

It was a great idea - it just didn't work out. :eek:

Rage_in_Eden

Can I just point out that actually in wedding etiquette books it says asking guests for gifts is a "no-no" - even including your wedding present list in your invite is "off". OH and I put an "information sheet" in our invites (map of venue, details of discount rooms, asking for details of diets etc - this last bit wasn't strictly necessary but as a then veggie i'd been to enough weddings where there was no veggie option that i was fed up and despite it being the correct thing not to make a fuss about what you eat decided we would accommodate people). On this sheet we put that details of our wedding list were available on request and then just gave people the cards with the details of where it was. There was only about 20 things on it so a lot of people didn't bother - and the two things that we purposely put on for OHs parents and brother to get they didn't so that was a waste of time!!!!!!!!

Gingham_Ribbon

I refused to do a list at our wedding and we had several complaints along the lines of 'we give to charity regularly, we want to give to you' and 'how can we give you something you could use if we don't know what it is?'

I couldn't argue with them, so I did a list and added a note saying we did not expect anything except our friends' company if they could make it. We got some beautiful gifts from the list and some wonderful ones that weren't. One of my favourites was a couple of old 50s magazines from a charity shop and a mix tape of old songs. We had a lovely afternoon shortly after the wedding reading them and listening to the music.

A friend recently got married and asked for charity donations. (She had made a donation to Macmillan nurses on our behalf when we got married.) We made a donation to the Woodland Trust and she now has some adopted trees in Boggle Top woods so when they go for walks there they can remember their wedding! She was made up!

ashmit

When I got married and was spending a lot of time on https://www.indiebride.com and its forums, it was considered INCREDIBLY RUDE to mention even a wedding list in your wedding invitations. Asking for MONEY in the invitations... I'm sorry but that's the dizzying height of bad manners. If my boss did that to me I would not give him a penny.

No insult to anyone who put in wedding list info in wedding invites; sometimes it can't be avoided. But asking for money? Tacky. Weddings are for sharing a special day with your family and friends. Any presents are a bonus, not a right, and I'm... disgusted.

Oh - and one of my cousins is getting married in September and they have asked for donations towards a video camera. I bought them a goat

Jet

Just to let you know that Oxfam unwrapped refunded me my money.

I think the idea was fantastic and shall definetely try it again in the future.

A tip though - make sure you allow loads and loads of time for delivery!

Loadsabob

Great news, Jet! I know I'll be using Oxfam unwrapped for presents at times, but your experience has shown me to think long ahead! (which I rarely do!).

Actually, I received a basic food staples kit from Oxfam Unwrapped last Christmas, and I was really touched that the friend who bought this in my name felt that it was a gift that I would appreciate. It meant a lot to me that she knew I wouldn't be disappointed that I didn't have yet another new "thing" on Christmas day.

TigerAngel11

I hate how weddings have turned into an opportunity for a couple to get lots of presents/money from their guests. My mum's cousin had her list at Argos, which was very convenient as they needed loads of stuff for their new house and most of the stuff was cheap, so you could spend as much or as little as you liked. They really appreciated what people bought them and we knew our gift was useful.

On the other hand, both my cousins had lists with Debenhams. We ended up spending way more than planned, despite clubbing together with my gran and my uncle's family, because it looked so little when the plates cost £6-8 each and they wanted mugs for £4. It was a lot of money to us, as our household income is very low compared to the rest of the family and we feel that they don't realise how little we earn. Their friends' personal salary is probably double our entire household income, so they could spend more comfortably and not look stingy. Although they wrote us lovely thank you notes, I still get the feeling that they don't realise how hard it is for us to buy a present without over-spending.

Asking for money is even worse than lists: the quote that cynics "know the price of everything and the value of nothing" (Oscar Wilde) has never been more appropriate. The trouble is that some people just don't realise how little others have comapred to them and don't think that their request for money with cause their wedding guests lots of worrry and aggro. I think charity gifts are a great idea, because it points out that other people have nothing compared to them and if they feel cheated of a present so that a family in the third world can have a better life, then they don't deserve a present.

chickadee

My friend has asked for contributions to her honeymoon, which has been booked (they are going to Jamaica). I feel a bit disappointed really because she has paid for it on a credit card and has told me that they can't afford it without contributions from the guests.

The thing is, we went away for the weekend on a hen do that I could ill afford (why are hen do's a full weekend away now instead of just a night out?) and we will have to get taxis all day as the wedding is in a different place from the reception but we don't want to leave our car at the reception as it is a bit "iffy" late at night.

And to top it all, I went camping for my summer holiday this year and will probably never be able to afford to go to Jamaica. I know it is her wedding and all, but they have lived together for years and their house is much bigger than mine. etc. etc.

I know it sounds like whining but I had to get this off my chest. Hope nobody minds!