The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

Leigh73

jo1972 wrote: »

Leigh,

Hunny, you don't need a drink, you might be craving one but think about it, you'll have a drink and then feel s*** about having one, then find out that the problem is still there when you're sober. Easy for me to say I know, and I'm not the best role model :rolleyes:

Do you have broadband, aren't there any other ways around this? Explain to your dad that you're trying to get your life together and you rely on his support.

Please keep posting

xx

Thanks Jo.

You're right. I don't 'need' a drink, but you know that feeling, where you just feel your mind racing? I wish there was some way I could let it all out, but healthily. The booze has been my first port of call, to release the pressure for the last 10 years really.

The dynamic between my Dad and I has become well and truly f*cked up.

He's 69, and I'm 34.

If it hadn't been for him, letting me stay here last December, I would've probably been on the streets by now.

I've tried my utmost, in going for jobs. As you know, I had the job at the Hi-Fi shop, but then I'm faced with small minded bullying..I didn't handle this too well, I admit, and yes I did end up drinking for 4 days (two weeks ago).
I then try and resolve this by speaking to the manager, asking if we can all clear the air and move on..he responds with "it's just not going to work"!

I now have the opportunity to work for TeleTech, thanks to you helpful people on MSE. I pass the tests, and (was scheduled to) have an interview at 1pm today. I explain to Dad (big effort on putting a positive spin on it, as he seems to view most things in a negative light..) that it's a legit job, that as I'll be working from home, there will be no worry about him having to give me a lift to work etc...

This is met with silence from him for a minute, followed by "So, you're going to be tying up my phone for the whole of the evening then?" ...and ...."Well, how am I going to go on the internet?"

I then stand my ground, and explain calmly, although assertively, that I am trying so hard to move on with my Life, to get a job, to then get the flat, and in the meantime, to work from home, and by doing so, alleviating the stress of him having to give me a lift / the expense of taxis'.

All he sees is "I can't use my internet / phone for 4 hours a night.."

I then (regrettably) lose my cool a bit, and ask him why, when I'm trying to be positive and 'improve my lot', does he feel it necessary to be so downbeat, place obstacles in my path?!

I try to explain that his internet wont be affected, but he won't have it.

I think though, his main concern is that his landline will be tied up, which I can fully appreciate, but I was just trying to 'big up' the fact that I could have a job here!! :mad:

A row then escalated, with him dredging up all the cr*p from years gone by (as people seem to do sadly..) ..when he paid to tax (my) car..when he lent me money..when I got drunk..

I then told him, that I wouldn't be accepting any 'help' in future, as it's always 'conditional'! It's as if, on the one hand, he offers help..but then in the same breath, he likes to remind me "Yes but, remember the time when I did this for you.." ..so screwed up

It's almost as if he says he wants me to 'move on'..but the moment I take pro - active steps to do this (ie - go for this TeleTech job), he then withdraws, and 'umms and ahhs' about how it's not a good idea!
..He kept going on about how he's in charge of this house.. When have I even suggested he isn't?!

Sorry, but I just feel so f*cking angry, that he can't see that I'm doing my utmost to move forwards with this job.

He then goes on to tell me, how he's "given in" too easily to me in the past, and how I should respect his decision to say "No"..I do, BUT, it's as if however, on this occasion, he's cutting off his nose to spite my face..

My Dad has always been about problems, rather than solutions, and it's bl**dy draining.

He even chooses this time to tell me, how he'd had a nervous breakdown a couple of months ago(when again we'd had a fight), and because he'd been "at the end of his tether", he'd gone into the local housing association, and had broken down in front of them.

I could feel myself welling up, and (regrettably), I asked him why he was determined to put all his cr*p on me and make me feel guilty.

I also asked him, if it's any wonder I've been drinking for all these years, when my family is as dysfunctional as it is?!

He then accuses me of 'blackmailing' him, as to how I'll drink if he doesn't let me use his f*cking landline!! NO, no no, that's not what I was saying, you idiot! (I felt like saying..).

I told him, the conversation was going nowhere, and leave the room.

He tells me he's going to move the car, and then helpfully drives off. (He tends to do this..)

Same old patterns, same old f*cked up dynamics, same old guilt trips. Ah, the 'games people play'

He says he wants me to do better, to be better, but then it's as if he's more comfortable when I was depressed, and lying in bed all day, 'cos at least he knew where he was with me in 'that place' you know?!

I'm even (once we've both calmed down), considering asking him if I could pay for a second BT line (with the dosh I've received from my ex - employer), but firstly, I don't think he'd even agree to that. (This is a man who can not seem to handle change, and is Cautious with a huge capital C..fair enough, but why doesn't he want to see me getting this job?!)

Secondly, I don't know how expensive it would be installing a 'second line'..

I feel so bl**dy low, and frustrated that he makes out how much he's helped me, (He has, I'm grateful, but how 'indebted' does he want to make me feel people?!) yet when I take positive action myself to get a job (and it looked like I was getting this one), he creates obstacles that could be worked around, but instead, he'd rather use them to stop me from getting to where I want to be..result = everyone would be happier, and there would be money coming in!

But now, it's obviously much easier for him to moan "Look what I've done for you..and what about my phone?" and as a result, nothing changes

Sorry to witter.

Desperately needed to write this down.

Thank You,

Lots of Love,

Leigh x

Leigh73

PS - I've just called BT, to find out how much they charge for, to install a second line..£125!!

As of next week, though, I will be able to afford this, as I could use the money my old boss has sent.

I doubt, even when now we've both calmed down, that my Dad will have any of it though, even though I'll be paying for it!

x

Leigh73

My Dad has just got back downstairs, and the sad thing is, it's going to be down to me to approach him, and apologise for losing my temper.

Then..nothing will change :-( x

clutton_2

if you have broadband - you can be on the internet and your dad can be on the phone at the same time - as long as you dont have pay as you go

Leigh73

clutton wrote: »

if you have broadband - you can be on the internet and your dad can be on the phone at the same time - as long as you dont have pay as you go

Thanks clutton.

I realise this, but my Dad's concern is that he won't be able to use the phone, while I'm working - ie - taking incoming calls from TeleTech customers.

I mean two people can't use the phone at the same time can they?!

As for the broadband, he'll have no trouble getting online, when I'm on the phone, I know, but as he's a self - employed builder, he's worried that clients won't be able to get through to him.

Thanks

Leigh x

Leigh73

After calmly having a chat with my Dad, just now in the garden, it's a definite NO.

He doesn't want me tying up his phone line, so now I can't go for the job.

I can safely say I haven't felt this low in ages.

Why won't the man help me move forwards?!

My anger towards him right now, is not healthy, and as I'll be getting some money tomorrow, I need to get a contingency plan together, or else I'm going to end up drinking.

Thanks for listening

Leigh x

clutton_2

how about skype ? that is free phone calls on the internet -

Or can';t you do a "call-forward" of his business calls onto his mobile while you are on the net ?

Leigh73

clutton wrote: »

how about skype ? that is free phone calls on the internet -

Or can';t you do a "call-forward" of his business calls onto his mobile while you are on the net ?

Many Thanks clutton.

I was considering suggesting that to my Dad too, but as he doesn't understand it, he won't want to know sadly.

I feel so bl**dy annoyed, that he can't see how hard I'm trying to get this job, and can't support me by trying to 'work around' the phone situation.

I mean, as you suggest, there are options - ie - Skype, but that's too straight forward for my Dad :mad:

Thanks again x

Leigh73

clutton wrote: »

how about skype ? that is free phone calls on the internet -

Or can';t you do a "call-forward" of his business calls onto his mobile while you are on the net ?

I don't think TeleTech allow services such as 'call forwarding' to be on the line, while you're working do they?

barshamhillbilly

Evenin All

2nd time of posting - deleted the first one after not reading far enough back.
Sorry - can't think of anything to help Leigh except the second line, but you've already done that.

How's eveyone else doing?

I have acupuncture again tomorrow and get my blood test results from the Drug and Alcohol centre. Hopefully everything will be alright.

3 weeks 6 days today since having a single drop of the liquid gold. Am really pleased with my progress, and now realise its just at times of stress that I feel like on. So far so good though and have come so far now am determined not to give in. I know that all it will take is one sip, and I will be back on it big time again.

Anyway, Hope everyone else is getting on well
Best Wishes
Andy