The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

jo1972

Right, hi guys, doing well today

Gotta be quick, literally just got my internet back on after me going over my credit limit with Virgin and them suspending my service :mad:

Got a few bits to catch up on now. I have read all the posts, but want to re-read the ones I want to reply to.

YM :T :T :T well done! I played golf today too, freaky huh?!

Fletch, yoohoo :wave:, maybe the time not drinking you could spend time planning lunches :rotfl:

Maybe speak to you later if I've got time or first thing in the morning....well 9ish whenever I get up

lewt

Leigh73 wrote: »

Hi again guys,

I've decided to show you exactly what I wrote in my email in to my boss, followed by his reply back to me, just to see your thoughts on what's been said.

I can't seem to shake my anger since he told me on the phone, that he doesn't want me back at work, as "it's just not going to work, as we need someone who can fit in with the team.." ....Still I haven't had a boozy drink since Sat night, so that's one positive! :T

Anyway, here's my email to him sent on Sunday -

Hi xxxx,

I am so sorry for not having been in touch sooner.

I make no excuses for having dealt with the situation badly, however it was a tough week for me, in the sense that it was 'one thing after another' (see below) and then of course, as time went on, I found it more difficult to explain to you what had upset me at the shop, without it sounding like I was doing the other guys down.

My Girlfriend and I had some difficulties last week which didn't help matters. This coupled with the normal slight anxiety about starting a new job, together with what happened on Tuesday and Wednesday tested my patience somewhat, but I like to think that to my credit, I did not get drawn into an argument on either occasion. I did try to diffuse the situation each time. What upset me, was that none of the confrontation I was met with from xxxx, xxxx and xxxx was warranted, especially as I'd only been in the job for 2 days.

On Tuesday afternoon, I offered to make a cuppa for the guys, and on returning from the kitchen, I put xxxx's tea on top of the drawers, behind the counter. Then, about 10 minutes later, as I was walking up the stairs, xxxx said quite aggressively, "Leigh, you spilt my tea just now". This certainly took me by surprise, and there was no need for his tone, and new guy or not, at 34, I don't expect to be spoken to like a teenager!

Now, both knowing that I most definitely had not spilt his tea, and my sheer shock at how aggressively he made a point over something so trivial, rather than argue with xxxx, I just said "Did I? Sorry about that", which was then met by (again quite aggressive in tone) "Yes you did, I had to get a cloth and wipe it all up. Make sure you're more careful in future." It was as if he wanted an argument.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and all over a cup of tea! Now, I appreciate that xxxx is my Manager, and respect this, but surely respect is a two way street?

On Wednesday, I asked xxxx if he needed a hand in the stock room, and was met with an abrupt "Go downstairs, I've already told you that." Again, there is simply no need for it. I calmly said that I hadn't heard him say that, and tried to explain that I'd been asked to stay upstairs and deal with freight, but again an argument nearly ensued, so I said that I wasn't going to argue, and that fair enough, I'd go downstairs.

Then, downstairs, I explained to xxxx what had happened, to be met with "There's no point in you being down here, because you don't know anything." Again, there is just no need for such rudeness. I calmly said that "with respect, surely the only way of learning about the equipment is to be in the shop" (and especially as I'd already been told by xxxx to come downstairs, and as we were quiet upstairs). To xxxx credit he did try to sort this out. I did suggest we go and smooth things over with xxxx face to face, rather than talking in the demo room, but xxxx seemed certain that xxxx wouldn't be interested, as "he just doesn't like new people".

I don't want this to turn into a novel xxxx, but you need to know what happened. I'm just sorry that I didn't deal with it sooner, and contact you straight away. I'd also be the first to admit, that I have a tendency to be over-sensitive, but then, when faced with that kind of abruptness, and a generally nasty and aggressive tone, I think most people would've been offended.

I appreciate that, as I have not been at work on either Friday, or Saturday, that it is a lot to ask if I am able to return on Tuesday, however I was enjoying the job and there is no animosity from my side of things towards them. I would expect however, the same level of respect back that I show to xxxx and equally, to all of you.

However, I would like a chat with both yourself and the others face-to-face on Tuesday morning first, if you would consider having me back, just to try and put this behind us, to get any concerns out in the open, and for all of us to work on getting on rather than falling out.

Please let me know if we can sort this out, so we are all then able to make a fresh start.

Many Thanks,

Kind Regards,

Leigh.


.........This was then followed up by an emailed reply from the MD yesterday afternoon (which he'd told me on the phone, earlier yesterday afternoon, he was about to send off to me).

Here is the MD's email -

Hi There Leigh

Many thanks for getting back to me.

Firstly, can I say how sorry I am that things have not gone well and that you've encountered unpleasantness in the shop - it is certainly not something I'm happy to hear. Whatever the reason, it shouldn't happen - I've made it plain to everyone that we are a team and we all need to work together, because it is of huge mutual benefit to do so. However, the work conditions are relatively cramped for the number of people that work in the shop and we do from time to time come under pressure, which can spill over into interpersonal relations. I did warn you of this, before you started the job.

It's now my job to try to thread my way through all this and in doing so, I have to consider the facts, as I see them;

You seem to have had issues with three separate members of staff

B, who was present throughout the same time period seems to have had no issues and appears to be thriving under exactly the same conditions

You haven't turned up for work two days on the trot, without explanation

You haven't returned my calls

We have never encountered a problem like this with any of the many people we have employed. No-one has ever (in 20 years) requested a meeting to 'clear the air', because any grievances that have arisen have been dealt with at the time of their occurrence

You have only been with us for a couple of days of your probationary period

You will remember from the interview that my gut reaction was that you might not be right for the job, from a long term point of view - ironically, it was the input from xxxx and xxxx following your trial that swayed me in your favour. The thing that disappoints me most is that you have 'run away' from the problem rather than facing it. The shop environment mirrors life in general - respect is not automatically given, it has to earned. We all have to learn to roll with the punches.

To conclude, I think you are a sensitive (possibly oversensitive) character who isn't going to fare well with a group of individuals who (like most blokes) can have a tendency towards insensitivity. I think the guys in the shop have made mistakes and I will be addressing them, but it should have been possible for you to deal with the situation in a more satisfactory way than the one you chose.

It doesn't really matter whether you're too sensitive or they are too insensitive, the net result is the same - it isn't going to work.

I would therefore suggest that we call it a day now.

We will make up your wages for three days and send them on to you.

Thanks for all your efforts - sorry it didn't work out.

Best Regards

'The Manager'

...................................................................................................

So, there you have it folks. What do you think? (I probably shouldn't have posted this, but I'm past caring about them now..)

It got me absolutely fuming, him going on about me being "over-sensitive".. I probably am a little sensitive, but then I don't think anyone would've felt welcome, with an atmosphere like that!

Also, the other guy who started at the same time as me, told me as we were walking home, that he'd found them a bit unfriendly too..

I really need to let this go, but I feel like I've been completely f*cked over, and by my own admission, I didn't deal with the snipes properly at the time, and 'took on board their cr*p' far too much.

I really need to work on being less :mad: ..and more like.. :j :rotfl: :T :A ..oh and none of the ol' :beer: !

Any hugs would be most appreciated.

At least he's paying me the 3 days wages owing anyway!

I take it, as I was on a 3 month probationary period, I'm stuffed eh?!

Many Thanks,

Take Care all,

Leigh x

so what's the plan now mate ?

basilcat7

Evening all - another booze free night for me, VERY important interview tomorrow, if I don't get this job, then I have to make the hard decision of cash or another job in my company... I can't take the Voluntary redundancy payout if I agree to stay.

anyhoo's......hi everyone, welcome to fletch. Can't really answer the question you have about when it becomes a problem, for me it had become such a habit- it was extremely hard to break and it becomes normal. Only by speaking to others do you realise that not everyone drinks most nights, not people I know anyway !!

Hi to Leigh- well done for posting your email and the reply... I think as someone said earlier that whilst in your probation period you don't have a great deal of say, especially in a small company. however, I do think you should call citizens advice. did you have a contract that you had signed? usually in the 1st 3 months its a weeks notice both ways so actually they should give you a weeks pay. Don't quote me on that though........Hugs to you anyhow and I hope you find something soon.
I'm off to do some genning up on the company for tomorrow.
hope everyones having a good night :A

jo1972

Basil, I have everything crossed till you tell me otherwise, please hurry up xx

singlemum_4

Evening guys, quiet one for me lots of tea!!! Think Im going to opt for an early night am knackered!!!

Good luck for tomorrow Basil will keep fingers crossed all goes well for you.

Hi Flech, Im in the mind that for me its become a problems because its starting to affect other parts of my life (Well mostly the kids)and I don't want my kids memories to be of me passed out on the sofa:rotfl: well not all of them anyway!!

Leigh keep your chin up mate.

Off to get some cocoa night all,

SM xx

jo1972

Ok, just going back through the last 24 hours but wanted to read yours first Leigh. Hugs in abundance to you (((()))) hunny.

Although as you say 'you're stuffed', that maybe the case, maybe not but I really think you should show the emails to Citizens Advice as Basil said. Ok, so maybe nothing will come of it, but just reading what you have posted has made my blood boil. I think you need advice on this. Ok it was a probationary period but that doesn't mean you need school playground behaviour and being treated like !!!!!!. They sound like a bunch of *beeps* and shouldn't get away with it.

As Lewt says, what you gonna do now?

hugs again hunny xx

wigglebeena

fletch3163 wrote: »

At what point is it a problem though? Is it the amount you consume, is it the frequency, is it the desire to do it? Does it matter?

I think if there's an element of dependency or reliance of any kind it becomes a potential problem (not necessarily equating to alcoholism). I know that if I average out my weekly consumption, I'm within Government guidelines... but on the other hand, I look forward to that first drinkie on a Friday evening, all week... Which is why I have certain limits and rules for what, when and how much I drink. Weekends only! 'Special occasions' i.e. during the week, for exceptional good news only (i.e. not just 'Hurray, there's a 'y' in the day, let's have a drink!' or 'Crap day at the office, let's have a drink...')

I never want to be in the position of physiological dependency where I have to swear off the booze forever...

justwanabefree

All the best for tomorrow Basilcat
JWBF

justwanabefree

Hi Leigh, wanted to wish you well last night but fell off the wagon only on day 3 and felt embarassed to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry things did'nt work out at this place of work but to me it sounds like you are well out of it. Staying in a job with that sort of atmosphere would not do your health any good. As an employee there will always be things that you have to go along with that you don't really want to, but there are limits ! It sounds like they were testing your limits to see how bullish they could be with you which shows great insecurity on their part not yours.
It is right that an employer can dimiss someone within the the probationary period without re-course so I don't think you would find any satisfaction in pursuing this further. In fact I think it would give you more stress than you are already suffering. My advice for what little it is worth is to look forward and move on
JWBF XX

jo1972

justwanabefree wrote: »

I'm sorry things did'nt work out at this place of work but to me it sounds like you are well out of it. Staying in a job with that sort of atmosphere would not do your health any good. As an employee there will always be things that you have to go along with that you don't really want to, but there are limits ! It sounds like they were testing your limits to see how bullish they could be with you which shows great insecurity on their part not yours.

^^^^^^^^^^^
What JWBF says :T:T :T :T