The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread!

winebox

& on telly they all look so ATTRACTIVE with that glass in their hand, unlike what I see in the mirror!

yellowmonkey

Too True :T

Look at me sitting here with my cup of green tea

Got to hang out washing,Tidy up and then trim my hedge

ym

winebox

you domestic goddess you

I'm in work; have to sign off now &, er, do some!

hope you are enjoying the day - doing well

yellowmonkey

winebox wrote: »

you domestic goddess you

Eh Hem God if you please . Manly cough there :rotfl:

ym

mollypolly

yellowmonkey wrote: »

Eh Hem God if you please . Manly cough there :rotfl:

ym

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

spring_watch_girl

Hello Jo and everyone else. Still sober and doing OK, there have been times when I have had a bit of a wobble but managed to get over them. With the money I have saved I have bought new bedding and paint and am shortly going to decorate my bed room, 2 months ago I would not even have contemplated it as I would have felt too lethargic and tired to do it. I had to smile when I read the new found addictions some of you have acquired (chocolate) I must admit I have worked my way through numerous bags of Maltesers M&M's etc and I have found that when I get the the bug for alcohol that drinking fresh orange juice can help. I found that booze robbed me of confidence and I think that I am slowly getting some back, I was getting to the point where I did not want to socialize and was finding it difficult to leave the house but I have been out twice in the past week and felt good about going. I will never (hopefully) go back to what I had become and will I hope, continue to go forward. Wishing everyone the best of luck SWG.

lewt

Sea78 wrote: »

hi all

Well, lots of soul searching this weekend - got mindlessly drunk on Saturday night. Don't remember most of it. Bad. Bruises indicate not good also. Trying to deal with quite a bit of self hatred and disgust. Don't want to feel like this anymore.

So I'm on day 3 now of not drinking and also day 3 of realising I don't want to lose what I've got - and if I keep drinking like that I will do from actions that I may do iyswim.

Can't say for sure I'll never drink again, but I've identified a good few people who I won't drink with as we just gode each other on.

Feeling really quite bad today - sore throat. So hope everyone else is feeling better and good luck to those starting over today.

Sea xxx

Maybe just not drink for today, worry bout tomorrow when it comes. i dont mean plan to drink tomorrow or an other date but dont think about it in that way. i kno wif i tell myself im never going to drink again i get scared of not being normal and never having fun. just for today i can deal with..... iykwim...

In_Search_Of_Me

hello all, well I was right - I have a virus & upper respiratory tract infection - v impressive sounding but basically a virus & sore throat so a good time to give up. Have also noticed that since restarting smoking in Nov that I've had 3....havng had nne when I wasnt smoking so that cant be coincidence. No alch either...just lots of lemsip & sleep.
Leigh how are you today? What did you decide re job basil? Definate link with self conf & alch SWG & great that you are decorating as shows pride in your environ - another thing drink often robbs people of...Well done BB - stay ff the donuts though! I'm sipping my way through lucozaide at present which is my mummy substitute when I am ill!
hello everyone else! I agree lewt - a day at a time, any more can be overwhelming!
Did anyone watch the prog on addictions last night? Very good I thought...I think its 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other - we have addictive behaviours but can overcome them but need support doing it which is where you lots are all fab! Welcome back sea. Just dust off and start again...

Leigh73

Leigh73 wrote: »

Thank You all, for your kindness and support.

My last drink was on Saturday night, and the strange 'sensations of confusion' and anxiety yesterday and this morning, has really given me the impetus to stop the boozing altogether. The very thought of not having that extra boost to my (already lacking) self - confidence scares me though.

Re - the job, I was working at a small (although very successful online) Hi-Fi store. There are only about 9/10 people working there, including the boss and his wife. There is no 'HR' department!

I'm tempted to 'copy and paste' his email on here, just to see what you think, but I'm not sure about the legalities of this..

I actually dropped my CV to them back in mid - January would you believe, and finally got through from about 60-odd people, down to the final two of us, and then he took us both on. We both did a 'trial day' a couple of weeks back, (for which we were both paid cash in hand), and then we started 'properly' on a 3 month probationary period last Monday.

In a nutshell, he said this afternoon over the phone, that he was about to send me an email, outlining why he didn't think it would work out, and that my request for a meeting was unheard of in 20 years! He also suggested that I was over - sensitive, which stung, to which I replied "Well, while it's nothing personal, I've worked with other groups of blokes (I'm also a bloke!) before, and I've never experienced such aggro, and insensitivity!"

I was careful not to argue, and we both remained calm and civil, with him offering to send me my wages for last Mon, Tue, and Wednesday.

I'm still in shock really, so sorry if this isn't making mush sense

Yet again though, my sensitivity and inability to deal with 'macho b*ll' has helped me shoot myself in the foot..

Thanks for listening,

Leigh x

Hi again guys,

I've decided to show you exactly what I wrote in my email in to my boss, followed by his reply back to me, just to see your thoughts on what's been said.

I can't seem to shake my anger since he told me on the phone, that he doesn't want me back at work, as "it's just not going to work, as we need someone who can fit in with the team.." ....Still I haven't had a boozy drink since Sat night, so that's one positive! :T

Anyway, here's my email to him sent on Sunday -

Hi xxxx,

I am so sorry for not having been in touch sooner.

I make no excuses for having dealt with the situation badly, however it was a tough week for me, in the sense that it was 'one thing after another' (see below) and then of course, as time went on, I found it more difficult to explain to you what had upset me at the shop, without it sounding like I was doing the other guys down.

My Girlfriend and I had some difficulties last week which didn't help matters. This coupled with the normal slight anxiety about starting a new job, together with what happened on Tuesday and Wednesday tested my patience somewhat, but I like to think that to my credit, I did not get drawn into an argument on either occasion. I did try to diffuse the situation each time. What upset me, was that none of the confrontation I was met with from xxxx, xxxx and xxxx was warranted, especially as I'd only been in the job for 2 days.

On Tuesday afternoon, I offered to make a cuppa for the guys, and on returning from the kitchen, I put xxxx's tea on top of the drawers, behind the counter. Then, about 10 minutes later, as I was walking up the stairs, xxxx said quite aggressively, "Leigh, you spilt my tea just now". This certainly took me by surprise, and there was no need for his tone, and new guy or not, at 34, I don't expect to be spoken to like a teenager!

Now, both knowing that I most definitely had not spilt his tea, and my sheer shock at how aggressively he made a point over something so trivial, rather than argue with xxxx, I just said "Did I? Sorry about that", which was then met by (again quite aggressive in tone) "Yes you did, I had to get a cloth and wipe it all up. Make sure you're more careful in future." It was as if he wanted an argument.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and all over a cup of tea! Now, I appreciate that xxxx is my Manager, and respect this, but surely respect is a two way street?

On Wednesday, I asked xxxx if he needed a hand in the stock room, and was met with an abrupt "Go downstairs, I've already told you that." Again, there is simply no need for it. I calmly said that I hadn't heard him say that, and tried to explain that I'd been asked to stay upstairs and deal with freight, but again an argument nearly ensued, so I said that I wasn't going to argue, and that fair enough, I'd go downstairs.

Then, downstairs, I explained to xxxx what had happened, to be met with "There's no point in you being down here, because you don't know anything." Again, there is just no need for such rudeness. I calmly said that "with respect, surely the only way of learning about the equipment is to be in the shop" (and especially as I'd already been told by xxxx to come downstairs, and as we were quiet upstairs). To xxxx credit he did try to sort this out. I did suggest we go and smooth things over with xxxx face to face, rather than talking in the demo room, but xxxx seemed certain that xxxx wouldn't be interested, as "he just doesn't like new people".

I don't want this to turn into a novel xxxx, but you need to know what happened. I'm just sorry that I didn't deal with it sooner, and contact you straight away. I'd also be the first to admit, that I have a tendency to be over-sensitive, but then, when faced with that kind of abruptness, and a generally nasty and aggressive tone, I think most people would've been offended.

I appreciate that, as I have not been at work on either Friday, or Saturday, that it is a lot to ask if I am able to return on Tuesday, however I was enjoying the job and there is no animosity from my side of things towards them. I would expect however, the same level of respect back that I show to xxxx and equally, to all of you.

However, I would like a chat with both yourself and the others face-to-face on Tuesday morning first, if you would consider having me back, just to try and put this behind us, to get any concerns out in the open, and for all of us to work on getting on rather than falling out.

Please let me know if we can sort this out, so we are all then able to make a fresh start.

Many Thanks,

Kind Regards,

Leigh.


.........This was then followed up by an emailed reply from the MD yesterday afternoon (which he'd told me on the phone, earlier yesterday afternoon, he was about to send off to me).

Here is the MD's email -

Hi There Leigh

Many thanks for getting back to me.

Firstly, can I say how sorry I am that things have not gone well and that you've encountered unpleasantness in the shop - it is certainly not something I'm happy to hear. Whatever the reason, it shouldn't happen - I've made it plain to everyone that we are a team and we all need to work together, because it is of huge mutual benefit to do so. However, the work conditions are relatively cramped for the number of people that work in the shop and we do from time to time come under pressure, which can spill over into interpersonal relations. I did warn you of this, before you started the job.

It's now my job to try to thread my way through all this and in doing so, I have to consider the facts, as I see them;

You seem to have had issues with three separate members of staff

B, who was present throughout the same time period seems to have had no issues and appears to be thriving under exactly the same conditions

You haven't turned up for work two days on the trot, without explanation

You haven't returned my calls

We have never encountered a problem like this with any of the many people we have employed. No-one has ever (in 20 years) requested a meeting to 'clear the air', because any grievances that have arisen have been dealt with at the time of their occurrence

You have only been with us for a couple of days of your probationary period

You will remember from the interview that my gut reaction was that you might not be right for the job, from a long term point of view - ironically, it was the input from xxxx and xxxx following your trial that swayed me in your favour. The thing that disappoints me most is that you have 'run away' from the problem rather than facing it. The shop environment mirrors life in general - respect is not automatically given, it has to earned. We all have to learn to roll with the punches.

To conclude, I think you are a sensitive (possibly oversensitive) character who isn't going to fare well with a group of individuals who (like most blokes) can have a tendency towards insensitivity. I think the guys in the shop have made mistakes and I will be addressing them, but it should have been possible for you to deal with the situation in a more satisfactory way than the one you chose.

It doesn't really matter whether you're too sensitive or they are too insensitive, the net result is the same - it isn't going to work.

I would therefore suggest that we call it a day now.

We will make up your wages for three days and send them on to you.

Thanks for all your efforts - sorry it didn't work out.

Best Regards

'The Manager'

...................................................................................................

So, there you have it folks. What do you think? (I probably shouldn't have posted this, but I'm past caring about them now..)

It got me absolutely fuming, him going on about me being "over-sensitive".. I probably am a little sensitive, but then I don't think anyone would've felt welcome, with an atmosphere like that!

Also, the other guy who started at the same time as me, told me as we were walking home, that he'd found them a bit unfriendly too..

I really need to let this go, but I feel like I've been completely f*cked over, and by my own admission, I didn't deal with the snipes properly at the time, and 'took on board their cr*p' far too much.

I really need to work on being less :mad: ..and more like.. :j :rotfl: :T :A ..oh and none of the ol' :beer: !

Any hugs would be most appreciated.

At least he's paying me the 3 days wages owing anyway!

I take it, as I was on a 3 month probationary period, I'm stuffed eh?!

Many Thanks,

Take Care all,

Leigh x

fletch3163

I happened upon this thread about a day or so after it started. My first reaction was "Magic, another challenge NOT to join" (I don't join the hard ones). Anyway, I popped in and out for a few days, deciding to myself the subject matter was too "heavy" for me. Not that I didn't drink or anything but I certainly didn't have a problem/issue with it.

But, at some point in March I questioned why this thread had such an impact on me, and why I felt compelled to keep popping in to eavesdrop. I certainly didn't want to unburden myself, own up to anything, or indeed, give up my beloved red wine which has substituted my lack of nicotine for the past 2 years and 7 months.

On 16 March, having got fed up treating this very thread like the loose tooth you keep prodding (you know it hurts, but still you do it). I likened it to sticking my tongue on a battery , I gave up the red wine, mainly to prove that I could.

I am from a big family, a few of whom have issues with booze and I need to be sure that's not me. At what point is it a problem though? Is it the amount you consume, is it the frequency, is it the desire to do it? Does it matter?

Gosh, I'm so sorry for ambushing your thread with my ramblings. I really just want to wish you all the very best of luck in your searches.