Wendy's "To get it out of my head" Diary

Keeping_Positive

Thanks Angela and GR

Spent about £6 at cat boot didnt really keep count oops!. Kids spent a £1 each on rubbish, OH didnt find anything and I found a bargain in new clarks ankle boots for £2.

Not many records for sale all about £1 - £1.50 each so will try Ebay first then car boot.

dizzy_lizzie

Hiya Wendy, I bet your pleased with the boots. £2 is an excellent bargain.
We went to a car boot today too and amongst a few other things I bought a large Holly Hobbie plate which reads 'The time to be happy is now'
so that's going to be my mantra.
Keep well hun, I know you've been a bit down but keep in sight what it's all for.
Luvz Dizzy x

Keeping_Positive

Quiet couple of days moneysaving has been tough. Pleaced an ad in Autotrader online for 6 weeks so thats £35. £268 chq written for Zafira and the Cavalier goes in for its work tomrrow at least £315 if not another £140 on top for clutch that isnt urgent but OH wants done. It will need doing within a year so not worth arguing.

Off to France tomorrow back late Thursday. OH and I had argument because I hadnt told him the details. I dont really care as not really important as long as I get there and back. Im leaving to the other person Im travelLing with to sort out. So then I forget to mention but he gets annoyed. Also his memory is bad at the moment from the painkillers that half the time hes forgotton what I flaming well said anyway if I do tell him.

Feeling very fed up but probably just due to hormones so heres to a better week in a few days.

dizzy_lizzie

Hi Wendy, have a safe journey and try not to worry too much. Easier said than done I know.
Luvz Dizzy x

GirlRacer_2

Hi Wendy. Hope you have a good time in France, as Diz says try not to worry too much x

Keeping_Positive

France was great didnt spend anything but when I got home OH started to have a go at me for forgetting the cigarettes as he had run out and was relying on me as I said I was getting some. Well we tried and failed. Running very late and OH dropped it on me that we needed to drop the cavalier of last night for repairs. That was supposed to be today. I was due back to 9-10 and kids would have been asleep. Rushed back and got in at 8.50 so just in time for kids to come with us.

Then I watch tv give him a hug and go to bed but thats not good enough apparently I should have talked more , told him what I had done in France (all work really so a bit in house and boring for anyone else) not that he actually bloddy well asked me.

11 oclock Im tired and hes yelling. I am too scared to say what I really fell. I HATE HIM. I dont want to be with him, I dont want to cuddle or sometimes even talk to him. Im on eggshells all the time and I still get it wrong. Each time we argue this feeling stays with me longer . I dont think he would cope if I left. He wont leave and kids are the most important here.

I just want to quit work go bankrupt so I can concentrate on them. I dont spend enough time with them or on homework etc. Hestries but is more and ore forgetful, is he really able to cope with the kids? Are the drugs taking their toll on him?

So fed up and stuck.

OH and just to add when I was down and struggling a few years back all he said was I was a useless mother who should just leave.

GirlRacer_2

Big hugs to you Wendy (((((hugs))))) Its awful when your treading on eggshells isnt it. I was like that for the last year of my marriage. Nothing I did was good enough and it really knocks your confidence. The added worry of debt doesn't help. I wish I could tell you what to do for the best but only you can make the decision.

I decided to go it alone (the fact that he had another woman did help me make the decision) and even though it was hard financially and emotionally, now I look back and realise its the best thing I could have done. But, as Ive said everyone is different.

You must remember that your OH is ill and perhaps sometimes the way he acts is down to the tablets and not a true reflection of him. Try and spend some quality time together over the BH weekend and see how it goes. Don't make any rash decisions hun, it'll all work out OK for you.

GR x

dizzy_lizzie

Oh Wendy big hugs from me too. Now you've got me and GR to lean on, albeit in cyberspace but we're still here for you hun.
Good advice from GR. Think carefully before making any decisions. If you decide to stay together and work it out have some idea what you'll do and how you'll manage if you split up. Possibly joining this forum has made you realise that you're not 'useless' at all. You're doing fabulous with money management, budgeting, working and helping to bring up your children. Now that's a lot to be bloody proud of Wendy!!!!
I have a friend who'd been married for years with a DD but for the last few she realised she didn't love him but was too scared to take the first step out of it. When he came back from a trip visiting friends she broached it by saying she hadn't missed him when he was away and if the marraige was a happy one she should have been missing him. It opened the door for her to start the process and though there was some turmoil she got through it, with lots of support from her friends and family. She is now with another guy, 3 years almost and sooooo happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you make this decision but hang on in there and make sure you give it all you've got to save your marriage. At least then you'll know you tried. You were in love with him once Wendy, is there anything still there. It could just be buried underneath all the stress of trying to become debtfree.
Sorry for the ramble but I really empathise with you. I hate OH at least once a month iykwim and we can have some right dingdongs but they blow over.
Hope you're okay and do take care. Remember you have support on here hun if it helps to get it off your chest.
Luvz and hugz Dizzy x

Keeping_Positive

Thank you GR and Dizzy:A , it really does help having somewhere to vent and someone who listens.

Feeling better still not 100% about OH. Its a case of stay with the kids and get another thrown in and he aint free :rotfl: ! The tablets and shoulder injury do play a big part so I do need to remember that.

Keeping_Positive

Not going to even think about how much I spent last month lets just say the cc bil is around £1500 :eek: .

Done a rough budget for June and have around £400 excess after allowing for bills due and monies due in and including savings. Remebering that the saving include the monies from the girls so I MUST recoup via the sale of the car.

The £400 doest iclude any other bills that become due such as kids OH and ME (do most spending on cc that will have a £500 limit this month including expences).

GC challenge for the month will be back to £250 after a five week month, just about kept fto the £300 if I can get away without spending anything till mid week. No significant birthdays this month they all start from July onwards. For BIL birthday last Thurs I am baking lava cakes to be delivered today. He has a sweet tooth and liked the one he tasted from my first batch.

Cavalier been repaired and due to be picked up today bill guestimated at £400 as OH added a couple of things we noticed and a service. Anymore or less will affect the £400 left over.