How old is too old to have a baby??

skintbutsmiling01

basilcat7 wrote: »

Thanks Skinty.. now get back to the DFW board...:rotfl:

yeah didn't recognise you over here!!

Word of caution though, and PLEASE don't think am out of line-- I'm the odd one out in my family, everyone has babies age 17 up, ( ), me & oh made a conscious decision to "try" a couple of years ago and lo and behold - we're probably never gonna conceive naturally (I'm 28). Bear in mind while you're still sprightly!

climbatron

Me and my wife had our first at 35/37 respectively. We are trying for our second now at 38/40 but are aware that if it doesn't happen soon, we'll give it up.

IMO having children later in life is the best decision you'll ever make. Not too late though.

Paul

Broken_hearted

Having children later in life isn't fair on the children, you end up dealing with situations you can't handle like dementia and care homes when you should be sorting out your own life. Then you end up on your own, it's sad not to be able to have parents to talk to when you need support because they chose to wait.

[Deleted User]

Do you think you'll ever feel ready? As you've said babies do bring responsibility, a massive life change and a tiredness that you feel is never going to end. If your 35 now and still feeling unready, is that realistically likely to change in a few more years? Its easy to get set in your ways and like life the way it is. Why not, after all you can do what you want and when you want. Feeling that life has passed you by and you end up childless may happen, but it may not. By now most 35 year olds have decided whether they want children or not and if your still unsure, maybe its just not for you. What does your partner think? Does he want marriage and children?

If you want marriage first and that can be expensive depending on your taste then saving for a child will take a bit longer, although you could do that whilst TTC and whilst pregnant, you are realistically looking at 2-4 years before your bundle of joy comes along.

I'm sorry i'm waffling here, not really sure what I'm trying to say. I've just turned 33 and waiting for our second to put in her appearance, so have pregnancy brain running at full speed.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

shed_head_2

My first was born when I was 24, we started trying for the second when I was 29. 4 years and five miscarriages later, when I was 33 number 2 arrived on the scene. I had to have a scan and hormones every week to keep me pregnant. Got high blood pressure due to hormones and then had to take medication that caused my kidneys to go into failure. Kidneys and placenta finally started to give up around 32 weeks pregnant and baby was born 7 weeks prem! a traumatic pregnancy to say the least. DS3 was a complete surprise there is just 17 months between them. I didnt know I was pregnant till I was almost 4 months gone! he arrived on time with no problems in the pregnancy. I am now 37 DP is 42 we were talking about having another one last night. I want to have one when I am about 40 if poss. He will be 45, he reckons no because he does not want to be 65 with a 20 year old.

All three pregnancies were very different, and all three births were very different. I would love another one but feel that time is not on my side. Nor are finances!!! I need to get back to work to sort out ours. We took extra money on the mortgage so that I could stay home with the little ones for five years. Money is begining to run out as we didnt plan DS3! Well we did, just not that quick!!!

Em

basilcat7

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Having children later in life isn't fair on the children, you end up dealing with situations you can't handle like dementia and care homes when you should be sorting out your own life. Then you end up on your own, it's sad not to be able to have parents to talk to when you need support because they chose to wait.

sorry if this is your personal experience. But some people can lose parents when the parents aren't that old too. I was 27 when my Dad died and he wasn't that old.

Ok- can you please confirm when 'later in life' is ? I don't agree it's about choosing or not choosing.. I've never decided not to, but never been in the right position to if you see what I mean. Plus me and OH have only been together just over a year and feel thats a bit soon.... he does want them though.

basilcat7

Deleted_User wrote: »

Do you think you'll ever feel ready? If your 35 now and still feeling unready, is that realistically likely to change in a few more years? By now most 35 year olds have decided whether they want children or not and if your still unsure, maybe its just not for you. What does your partner think? Does he want marriage and children?

Good luck on whatever you decide.

I'm not unready- just not ready if you know what I mean. Not in the right position to either- OH is living in the house which I own,we are selling up and getting one together, then i'll probably be more settled. I'm not unsure whether I want them or not- I do want them- just not yet.
Yes he wants marriage and children- I think he'll propose this year (seeing as he's already told me that). No, I don't have expensive tastes for a wedding- in actual fact will do it very cheaply.

Also- I'm not willing to have 'an accident' as I would never do that- would like it to be planned and wanted by both parents.

skintbutsmiling01

It is a bit soon if you have only been together a year really. We always used to say "give it till after xmas" or "lets have a really good sumer" then think about it, so you knew it was on the cards but no pressure, which can take over everything! One day you'll prob just wake up dead broody and that'll be it! My dad was 40 when I was born and I think if we do have to go through ivf or whatever, how realistic is it he'll get to know his grandchild which breaks my heart, which makes me think 40 is too old, but then when i look back on my childhood i wouldnt change a thing, its 6 of one and half a dozen of another.
BC- play it by ear for another year at last, at least till you quit the fags;)

autismmum

my mum had me at 38 and my dad was in his mid forties, i have to sad i didnt have much fun, my parents were to old to do interesting stuff or cycle ride or play ball etc, so i had mine at 19 - 26 and i have to say its great im 36 now and they are older teens and one 10 yr old its great, but then i married at 17 so i guess i was ready. so long as your prepared to stay active and be silly then there is no age limit, just energy levels i guess.

Elliesmum

OK - I had DD when I was 36 and I am now 41 and about to have DS in a couple of weeks.

I think you are as old as your body thinks - IYSWIM. It took 2 months to conceive DD (when I was 35) and 6 months for DS (at the time 40), I will admit I didn't think it was going to happen the second time and then it just did. Obviously I have been put under different care from the first pregnancy, but when I checked with the Doctor (before trying for no. 2) he said just go a head.

Yes there are increased risks, I haven't had any tests for Downs etc - I do not want to know, what will be will be. I think more women are able and having children later on in life, my daughter keeps me young. Nobody thinks I'm 41 - I feel I am better equiped to cope with DD and the pending DS more at 41, than I could have been at 31 or 21.

So I don't think the question is - How old is too old to have a baby? I think the question is - how old do you feel is too old for you to have a baby?

So good luck OP - I hope that you can find answers that are good for you. Children are a wonderful addition to your world. My children are my world (along with hubby of course) but I would have coped if they were never meant to be.

EM xx