mothers day gift for mam with terminal cancer

sophiesmum_2

Sorry about your loss Scattymam, I think you should go ahead with the memory jar/photo album ideas it will help you to come to terms with things yourself nd appreciate your mum for the times that you had together in the past.
We are just coming to terms with the news that my dad has terminal cancer so I can understand how you are feeling.He has already survived three separate cancers and we were so used to him recovering that it came as a real hard blow to learn that this time there isn't going to be a happy ending.
My dad has just had his birthday and I made a cd of family photos for him on the pc- starting from when he was a kid right through his marriage, arrival of us kids, to grandkids and right up to present day. It helped me too doing it as I was able to focus and realise that yes, the prognosis is crappy now but my dad has had a great life and achieved so much and is loved so much. Hopefully when he watches the cd he will realise that his greatest achievement in life has been his family, wife, kids and grandkids and that they are his legacy.

Wishing you peace and acceptance at this sad time. Your mum sounds like she was a lovely woman.:A

scattymam1

My heart goes out to you sophiesmum, any time you need to vent - just p.m. me, I know what it's like.

It gives me a lot of strength to know too that my mam lived a great life - the last things she said to me was, "I love you" and "it's been a wonderful life", it's still devastatingly hard losing her but it helps a lot to know that she lived her life well, she lived it to the full and she had no regrets.

My chiropractor recommended a book for me it's called 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom. It helped reading this book a lot, look it up on amazon and see what you think. It is a good book for relatives to read.

Be strong, thinking of you, scattymam1

sophiesmum_2

Thanks scattymam:A

I had a look at the book and decided to order that one and another titled "For one more day" by the same author. I think they will both help us come to terms with things. I will get my 16 year old DD to have a read too, this is the first time she will be dealing with death on a personal level and I think she has some issues to work through.

Thanks again, thinking of you and your family.

Sue-UU

sophiesmum wrote: »

We are just coming to terms with the news that my dad has terminal cancer so I can understand how you are feeling.He has already survived three separate cancers and we were so used to him recovering that it came as a real hard blow to learn that this time there isn't going to be a happy ending. I realise that yes, the prognosis is crappy now but my dad has had a great life and achieved so much and is loved so much. Hopefully when he watches the cd he will realise that his greatest achievement in life has been his family, wife, kids and grandkids and that they are his legacy.

Wishing you peace and acceptance at this sad time. Your mum sounds like she was a lovely woman.:A

Sophiesmum, I was so terribly sad to hear of your dear Dad's illness too, but you appear to look at it all in much the same way as scattymam's done and hopefully you too will somehow manage to get through it all as well as is possible. You've written some wise thoughts above when all too often some folk think "why me/us?" so it's wonderful to see that you're taking it all on in such a sensible way, for your sake and for the sake of all your family. I wish you all very best wishes and if ever you need help then please just PM me, though you have scattymam to help you and she will be far better as your parents have the same ilnesses. My Mum passed away 2 years ago but that was after Alzeimer's and finally pneumonia. All the very best, Sue.

stokey123

As people said i would do a photo album. I would also take her to a spa where she can just rest, forget about her illness and be pampered for the day.

I hope your mum gets better and all the best for you in the future. I know how you feel- 2 of my auntys have cancer
xxx

sophiesmum_2

Sue-UU wrote: »

Sophiesmum, I was so terribly sad to hear of your dear Dad's illness too, but you appear to look at it all in much the same way as scattymam's done and hopefully you too will somehow manage to get through it all as well as is possible. You've written some wise thoughts above when all too often some folk think "why me/us?" so it's wonderful to see that you're taking it all on in such a sensible way, for your sake and for the sake of all your family. I wish you all very best wishes and if ever you need help then please just PM me, though you have scattymam to help you and she will be far better as your parents have the same ilnesses. My Mum passed away 2 years ago but that was after Alzeimer's and finally pneumonia. All the very best, Sue.

Thanks Sue,
Sorry to hear aout your mum. I work with an elderly client group and Alzheimers is such a cruel disease:mad: . It is so sad watching someone deteriorate in that particular way, and so hard for their family to try and retain their memories of the person they once were. It must have been really difficult for you.:A

poppett

Scatty, I am sat here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. i am so sorry to read of your sad loss.

You say you are going ahead with the memory jar....do it. I have a box full of mum's things here...little things like her owl (she loved them) jewellery amongst other bits that always reminds me of her. There is also all the cards that I gathered from her funeral flowers and the cards that were sent to me after she passed away. When I need to, I go and sit alone on my bed, take down mums box and sit with my thoughts. Sometimes I end up in tears and other times I sit smiling and thinking of the fun times.

There is little anyone can say to you that will make you feel better right now but please remember I am thinking of you. Your mum will always be right beside you wherever you are.

This might sound daft but we have an owl outside here nearly every evening and I always think my mum has sent it to watch over us.

If you ever need to talk, just PM me.

Sue-UU

poppett wrote: »

When I need to, I go and sit alone on my bed, take down mums box and sit with my thoughts. Sometimes I end up in tears and other times I sit smiling and thinking of the fun times.

....and very often it's a mixture of both - right? I guess it's bound to be that way as we've (if we're fortunate) had so many happy years with our Mothers, so many cared for years, then giggling sessions as well as sharing all our accomplishments and downfalls with them. Then.... all the sayings you hear yourself coming out with - and you know, in a sense, that it's your Mum speaking - yet, was it not so many years (usually teenage years) ago you vowed you'd never be saying the same phrases when you were older?!:rotfl:

poppett wrote: »

This might sound daft but we have an owl outside here nearly every evening and I always think my mum has sent it to watch over us.

Nothing daft about it at all poppet, I firmly believe that is exactly what is happening. Any beautiful and unusual sighting and I'm convinced my Mum's presence is with me. Whether there's an afterlife or not, who knows, but I'm positive they're never far away from us and that the Spirit truly does stay with and around us and always will - for as long as we need it - always!

Love to you both and all others like us, Sue.

Sue-UU

sophiesmum wrote: »

Thanks Sue,
Sorry to hear aout your mum. I work with an elderly client group and Alzheimers is such a cruel disease:mad: . It is so sad watching someone deteriorate in that particular way, and so hard for their family to try and retain their memories of the person they once were. It must have been really difficult for you.:A

Thanks so much sophiesmum. It is a horrible disease and almost robs you of them and the hardest part is when they don't recognise you as it hurts so very much. At times such as those though I soon came to find the best way was to ignore the hurt and 'take her back' in her mind to so many wonderful times in her youth she'd told me about. That was the way to 'bring her back' and to still share great times with my dearest Mum as the memory of those times was still pin sharp and I could see her 'viewing' it all over again and she was so very happy - and she knew who I was!!!

I'd recommend anyone doing this with a loved one who has Alzheimers, that way they get to hang onto them and it's worth the world!! Thanks so much sophiesmum as that's the first time I've put that in public, but perhaps I was 'meant' to!

Sue.

scattymam1

Thanks sue,sophiesmum and poppett.

Quote from Sue" Then.... all the sayings you hear yourself coming out with - and you know, in a sense, that it's your Mum speaking - yet, was it not so many years (usually teenage years) ago you vowed you'd never be saying the same phrases when you were older?!":rotfl:

This is so true, I've always said I'll never grow up to says those things my mam says but now I find myself saying them, and I find every day I'm so much like her and I don't mind at all - I'm rather proud when people say I'm like her now.

My mam lost her memory when she first went into hospital back in January, something to do with the chemo and a water infection and that was hard. It gave me an insight into how my mother must have felt when she cared for her mother who had alzheimers. It didn't last long with my mam but she did get dreadfully confused and that was frustrating for her.

I also felt that it was good to sit and talk about holidays we'd been on and my dad and her would do that too and she got a lot of pleasure from that.