In pursuit of happiness...for real this time! Donner_kebab's debt diary!

donner_kebab

Heya everyone! Thanks bob! Made me smile What a night...
Well he came back and then said that he didn't know about the meal and when he was agreeing with what I said the previous day, he meant about the cinema. He said he thought I knew that he was not getting back till late...which I didn't...as far as I was aware he was finishing early. He then agreed to take me to the cinema as said he had been drinking at midday and that he had had 2 glasses of wine with his tea which he had drunk by 6:45pm. The film didn't start until 11:!0pm as they had a late showing and said actually he should be fine to drive. Then when it got to just before 11 when we were meant to leave, he said he didn't think he should drive afterall and we should forget it...then went on about how he always has to drive everywhere and he doesn't like it. I told him it wasn't my fault I failed my test 4 times and then he said I should drive. I refused as we had no L plates and I wasn't insured and I was not willing to get done before I even managed to get myself a licence! So we sat down in front of the tele...when he started harping on about how amazing some new gladiator woman is, which just upset me even more as I feel really bad about my body anyway! So I just went to bed! He has got up this morning, had his breakfast and gone away for the weekend so won't see him for a few days now.

I really took on board what KM said earlier...about taking responsibility for the way that people treat us. It is so right. I need to start standing up for myself better really and that starts now! No more feeling sorry for myself, if someone annoys me, they are gonna know about it! No one has the right to make me upset...no one! Me being the muppet I was ended up apologising for getting upset...why on earth did I do that. That stops now! It's hard as I really love him but can't help but feel that my feelings are stronger for him than his are for me. I dunno...maybe I am being silly? Anyhooooos, I need a brew! Hope everyone is well and huge thanks for your support yesterday!

On another note, weather here is rubbish! I have started looking at the travel board on MSE to see if anyone has any suggestions for any really cheap days out. I think I will look at how much it is to go to Weston-super-mud...I mean mare! The train goes from near my house, through to Weston and I have a railcard. Wouldn't have thought it would be too much and would make a nice day out. Fish and Chips on the pier etc and Emily can use my loose change pot in the arcades...might be nice! We need to get out more really...being stuck indoors is depressing! xxx

donner_kebab

Well checked the train fares and seems to be only £4.50 to get a return to Weston, which seems crazy as costs less than going to Chippenham when I see my dad! And Chippenham is closer! Crazy! I think we will go there in a few weeks.
I have agreed to let Emily have 2 friends over to sleep on Friday night...dunno what I have let myself in for! But at least Emily will be happy, which is what counts. Hopefully they will occupy themselves with some movies and will get them some pizza or something and some sweets. That's the plan anyway!

boredofbeingathome

Don't let him treat you like an idiot. You are doing amazingly well and it is his tough luck if he misses out. Lay down the ground rules and if he has a problem..well that's upto him to deal with not you.
Good luck and well done for positive attitude.
Bob x

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Donner hows things?

On the getting out of the house more theme do they do any running clubs in your area? Just thought it might be a way of keeping up the running but adding a social aspect to it? Also near me at the local leisure centre they do roller skating maybe they do that near you for you and your daughter to enjoy together?

I'm glad you took my point about our 'responsibility' on how people treat us and I hope its a habit you can start slowly breaking as I am sure it will help. And I hope OH has either text or rung from his weekend away to apologise massively!!! As IMO he was the one completely in the wrong and I hope he is planning on making it up to you with that planned meal in the VERY near future?

KM x

boredofbeingathome

Very good points KM.

donner_kebab

Hello everyone!
Just a quick message before I hit the sack! Back to work tomorrow after over 2 weeks off and I am not looking forward to it at all! But can't wait till payday at the end of the week! Emily is having her sleepover on Friday so need to get some cheap tea for the kiddies...might get some pizza bases and get them to make pizzas or something? That should be quite cheap I would have thought? I really hope they behave themselves! Sure they will and imagine if any of them are going to play up it will be Emily!

I actually have everything ready for the morning so won't be such a rush! I usually leave everything till the morning, but thought I would try being a bit better prepared and hopefully I won't be such a stresshead in the morning! I have also set an alarm for Emily so she gets up on time as usually she takes forever to drag out of bed!

Already have tea prepared for tomorrow too as wanted to go for a quick run after work so thought would save time! Hoping tomorrow will be a nice easy day?!?! Mmmmm where have I heard that one!

Relationship wise I think I really need to have a think about what I want...I love him so much but I need to know after over 18 months where this is going really...don't want to sound like some crazy obsessive bunny boiler but if he really doesn't love me as much as I love him what on earth can I do? Such a mess and emotional stuff is very draining

The ebay man is coming to pick up his item on Sunday so that is a relief! I think I will just transfer the money but not spend it, that way once I know he is happy, I can put it towards a card! Actually looking forward to budgetting for May as know that this crappy costly month is nearly over! I suppose everything is up and down and debt wise there will always be peaks and troughs...so roll on payday! I think this Friday night when the kids are going nuts I will empty all my cupboards and make a list of everything I have to try and get some meal plans sorted!

The healthy eating is going fab...3 days now! I have joined Bunny's Red/Green thread and everyone is soooo motivating...just what I need! Hoping to get to the gym so more soon too, especially as I am paying for it every month! And I am going to run my next half marathon in fancy dress and the outfit is, shall we say a little on the small side, so need to get focused!

Righteo, on that note I am gonna get myself off to bed! Take care all xxx

donner_kebab

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Hi Donner hows things?

On the getting out of the house more theme do they do any running clubs in your area? Just thought it might be a way of keeping up the running but adding a social aspect to it? Also near me at the local leisure centre they do roller skating maybe they do that near you for you and your daughter to enjoy together?

I'm glad you took my point about our 'responsibility' on how people treat us and I hope its a habit you can start slowly breaking as I am sure it will help. And I hope OH has either text or rung from his weekend away to apologise massively!!! As IMO he was the one completely in the wrong and I hope he is planning on making it up to you with that planned meal in the VERY near future?

KM x

Oh forgot to reply!

Heya KM! No running clubs close by ( well not without driving distance...and that just ain't happening ) but I will check the local leisure centre for things for me and Em's...she loves roller skating...I'm not really that good as have no balance! But would give it a go if they have some! When I was younger I used to go to Roller Discos, wonder if they still do those?

With regards to boyf he hasn't mentioned it since! Typical! As for that meal...I think I will be lucky to see it before my next birthday :rolleyes: The responsibilty comment really hit home and I am really grateful for that! I am starting to realise that actually I am a nice person and I deserve to be with someone who treats me such so I need to be stronger and not take any messing...I think that a lot of it stems from spending so long with an abusive partner and being told that having Emily at such a young age, no-one would look twice and think I was a tramp But I am starting to see things different now, just can't believe that it has taken so many years

Right, really am off to bed! Take care xxx

boredofbeingathome

Hey Donner, just a quick catch up and also to say how nice it is to see you posting around the site.
Bob x
Also wanted to add, that i am very sorry someone has said that to you in the past.It is the hardest job in the world being a parent let alone a single parent!! so chin up and sod em.
Getting very belligerent in my old age!

donner_kebab

boredofbeingathome wrote: »

Hey Donner, just a quick catch up and also to say how nice it is to see you posting around the site.
Bob x
Also wanted to add, that i am very sorry someone has said that to you in the past.It is the hardest job in the world being a parent let alone a single parent!! so chin up and sod em.
Getting very belligerent in my old age!

Heya bob! Thanks for that! Getting more and more addicted to the site! Really loving the SW thread as finding it is helping me no end! Is mad to think that if I was doing it alone, probably wouldn't last a few days but the fact that we are doing it all together makes me stick to everything more!

Yep, I have seen a lot of bad stuff in my 28 years of being on the planet...so has Emily which makes me sad. It certainly is a hard job being a parent! Emily is being a right miserable madam this morning! Think it is due to lack of sleep as at the sleepover, I could hear them still giggling at gone 3am and I woke up at 9am and they said they had been awake for ages! Early night for her tonight I think! I need to train myself to say No and stop taking carp from everyone. Fella has gone away on a mountain biking weekend so won't be seeing him for a few days. He said he feels like he is going through some sort of mid life crisis as does not see the point to life, work etc and is getting fed up with routine and life in general and is keen to go travelling. I really don't kow where it is gonna leave us as can't help but think that some of that may be aimed at me? Or maybe I am being over sensitive? I dunno!

Anyhoooos, have just paid off the Barclaycard so moving on to attack the Tesco card I think. I need to find the latest statement but think it is about £1500 on it. I am gonna apply for another card in the next few days and see if I can get a good BT card? I have been declined a few times this year, but the HSBC card which is at about £4000 has crippling interest

Gonna sort out the budget stuff this weekend and get more stuff on ebay! Gotta be done! xxx

boredofbeingathome

Well done on paying off the Barclaycard. I am kanckered this afternoon as well, staying up late etc..so can relate to how you are feeling. I have just downloaded the e bay turbo booster thingy so may give it a go later.
As regards to BF ..don't really know what to say. He seems to enjoy himself, hols and weekends a away, and you seem a little bit in limbo, if i have got the wrong end of the stick then i apologize. I would advise having a good talk with him when he gets back, say how you feel and then go from there.
Keep going with everything BOB x