Family forcing us to spend money

SarahNeedle1872

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

I have a £9.99 casio. But then again I'm cool enough to carry it off...

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

raq

I love birthdays and christmas don't get me wrong, but it would have to be a NO from me. We have always done £10.00 and been more than happy with it. Not everybody can do it and they should realise that.

dubsey

Saying no the first time is the hardest. My DHs family are all loaded. Mum worked at head office branch of a major bank, so did his sister (then she married someone equally wealthy) and his father was a owned a stockbroking consultancy company (woosh wayyyy over my little head). They have always bought the most wonderful presents and we have really struggled to do the same (credit cards :rolleyes: ). Finally we realised we couldn't carry on this way and told them we were cutting down dramatically and would appreciate it if they did the same. This year we bought them all one modest, but well thought out present each and will still got mountains of them. They haven't mentioned them once, not even thankyou, but their attitude towards us hasn't changed.

MIL in fairness has been great. Over Christmas there was talk of a big party that they'd sent a joint present to and she said that after our chat about presents she didn't like to ask us to contribute so she put in for us. I thought that was really kind.

Ultimately I suppose it does depend on your family, but if you keep up this almost pretence where will it end? If you don't want to say no completely, you could say we can only afford £20 (or however much you were spending) but we are happy to give you that.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you so much for all your replies! It's great to get some moral support.

The birthday gift is for a nephew who we probably see once every 3 years, so we are not particularly close!

Your replies have boosted my resolve so I have decided to say that we have already got something - what an excellent solution - and then we can spend what we can afford.

It's awful when families pressure you. I am very good at saying no to strangers (eg salesmen!) but when it is family it is much harder to say no, because of the emotional blackmail/guilt trip thing.

But I am going to be strong and say we have already bought a gift! Then I can spend about £10-£15 which is what I would have spent left to my own devices. Thanks again everyone!

dotchas

When I turned 21 my aunt asked what I would like ,she even took me shopping but I knew that she was not well off being a widow with 2 sons.
She kept pointing out expensive jewellery but I just felt awkward.
Eventually on the way home I suggested that she chose me an alarm clock as it was something I really needed!
That way she could pay what she wanted as they come in all prices.
She bought me a lovely clock (fairly expensive) but she was free to chose what she could afford ,I just felt awkward shopping to chose my present.
That was over 20 years ago and I still have that alarm clock !
I am sure a watch would be well out of date by now!
Its not like the real old days when people kept the watch they got at 21 forever!

Surfbabe

I haven't even got a watch :rotfl:

POSSETTE

anybody got the time....? i prob been on here too long ...

HairyHandofDartmoor

Well, if I could afford a watch I'd tell you.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

We're a large family and never do joint pressies or atleast if we do the max would be £20 each even for our mum and dad. Its always been £5 for nephews and nieces and we don't buy for each other and the pressies stop for the kids when they leave education. Works for us! I don't envy you the pressure though I have wealthy relatives and they would do the same as yours - I'd hate it but I think I would have to say no.