Family forcing us to spend money

BettiePage

GreyPilgrim wrote: »

It's absolutely a personal preference thing of course. I'm just saying it's not something I can get my head around.

i can appreciate paying £20,000 for a car which has a load of more features than a £2,000 car, but if you ask someone with a £20 Casio watch what time it is, you're going to get exactly the same answer as you get from the chap with the Rolex.

Not saying you're wrong. Just saying I must have missed that lesson!

I'd have an Omega, not a Rolex. However, in real life I have a £20 Sekonda!

[Deleted User]

You think that's bad, The 'going rate' for wedding presents in our circle of family and friends is £100. We've been to 4 weddings in the last year.

Thankfully, ours is in 4 months so we see it all back then

loneranger

Don't be forced into telling lies to save face- remember you are the one being sensible -just tell them you don't want to be a part of a family gift, or tell them you simply can't afford £40 and would like to give what you can afford.

tallyhoh

wow, what relation to you is this 21 year old?

Good idea--next time you have a birthday in the family, write & ask all your relations to send you loads of cash, useful for being able to get your kids a nice prezzie without having to contribute much:p

Ignore the request, send a nice card & a small prezzie.

Lemon_Tree

what have you decided to do in the end?
I would have said, sorry but i've already got a pressy. If not i'd have certainly said i'm sorry but you should have checked with me before buying and i'd have tolda you to count me out.

spud30

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

this is why I'm glad I'm not in touch with my family much!

Same here IA, but no-one would force me to spend MY money in a way I didnt want to

Ephemera

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Does anyone else have this problem? We have just been told by a family member that they want everyone to contribute £40 to a 21st birthday present which is to be a pricey watch (about £500 worth I reckon).

IMHO....So they chose the gift with no input from you? If they choose it, they buy it. A bit of a cheek expecting everyone else to chip in - is everyone going to get equal recognition for contributing to the gift?? Probably not... :mad:

You can only give what you can afford...if the boot were on the other foot would you be asking for £40 from knowingly short-of-money rellies? :eek:

£500 for a watch for a 21year old seems more than a little extravagant - surely that £500 would be better spent on a car or something else more practical...although if your rellies are that minted they shouldn't need financial input from anyone else!

Hope you find an answer that works for you xx :cool:

hm71_2

we had a similar thing when my bil & MIL had their 40th & 60th birthday in the same month. hubbys brothers all big earners we were on income support at the time all got together (they all hold season tickets for the same footie team) at footie match decided to do a big party at hotel near BIL house in basingstoke, we got a short note in the post saying could we pay our share of venue hire & towards gifts £150!!! this was the first we heard of it. well considering us & 2 other brothers + father in law and mother in law all live in essex. first why was the party in basingstoke??? so I wrote quite a curt note back saying unfortunately we were not in a position to pay out that much money and had we been consulted during the planning stage we would have informed them of that. sorry we can't contribute to the venue costs as we couldn't even afford the petrol to attend! 1 sil still doesn't talk to us now because we ruined the party (it was 8 yrs ago) but I had food and bills paid for 2 weeks which was better than paying towards a party I couldn't get to.

Now hubby works & for DD 13 b'day she asked for something special- so everyone who asked what she wanted we asked them for a small donation whatever they could afford and we got her a silver necklace from Tiffanys. it was £180 and she loved it.

TurnaroundSue

We normally give my nephews £10 each for christmas/birthdays, but this year one of my nephews was 18 so gave him 50 euros (as going to europe soon on his hols) and he didn't even have the decency to thank us ..... I know what he will be getting next year - BIG FAT HAIRY NOTHING!!!!

Stick to your guns and buy/send whatever you can afford - you don't have to explain yourself to anybody. It is nobody's business what you can/can't afford to spend on anything, least of all a birthday present for some relative you most probably wont see for many years to come.

kizzykizzywizzy

I begrudgingly sent my Niece £20 for her 21st, she also had a present for her 18th
The reason I say begrudgingly is that it is a lot of money for us & we never ever get a thank you, the only reason I know she got it, is the cheque was cashed!!
We actually only buy presents for the kids in the family about £10-15 even though we are the lowest earners, by far, we all pay the same. I also only do this until they are 16.
Special birthdays, etc £20.
I wouldn't feel pressurised by anyone, just send what you can afford/want to - no need to explain yourself. If it were me I would hate to think someone was going without to send me more than they could afford