Family forcing us to spend money

HairyHandofDartmoor

Does anyone else have this problem? We have just been told by a family member that they want everyone to contribute £40 to a 21st birthday present which is to be a pricey watch (about £500 worth I reckon).

We normally spend £10 so were a bit gobsmacked :eek: Also there is to be a family party to celebrate the 21st and various other family events, but the location is 300 miles away which would mean various expenses for us, like £100 in petrol, we would have to stay somewhere overnight, find something to wear for 5 of us, etc.

We have decided not to go to the party, but will probable send the £40 for the sake of family harmony, but we do feel a bit miffed as we are trying to cut back to pay off debts (especially after christmas and our sons birthday)

They gave us a generous christmas present, but we feel that was their choice as they are on big salaries, and we don't try and match what other people spend normally but just spend what we can afford.

Does anyone else find that family events force you to spend money you don't have?

immoral_angeluk

this is why I'm glad I'm not in touch with my family much!

HairyHandofDartmoor

Lucky you! I can never decide whether a big family is a curse or a blessing!

debrag

me too I'm glad that we don't have things like that. My 21st was at my house, reunions are up in Yorkshire but all you need to spend it getting there. We never do all in for presents, not even for my parents 25th.

HairyHandofDartmoor

You're so lucky! The problem occurs when some family members earn a lot more than others, and don't seem to understand that this difference exists!

They probably think £40 is chicken feed, but to us it is a lot.

betti911

I had the same problem at Christmas. My sister and I are on comparable salaries but she has no debt and she wanted to spend a lot of money on my mum's joint present. I had to tell her I couldn't afford it. She kicked up fuss but eventually had to accept it.

Sea78

I can understand this - a lot of my spare money goes towards presents etc. but I really enjoy looking for things that I can get reduced etc. Thankfully, the family has realised we won't contribute to things like this so that's good

exessexmum

I think that sometimes we need to learn to swallow our pride and learn how to say 4 special little words that are oh so hard to get out....

We/I can't afford it.

I find it inordinately difficult to say those words, I'm a very generous person and love giving expensive gifts, however one of my baby steps with trying to get out of debt is going to have to be learning to just say, "I can't afford it."

It's a blooming steep learning curve, I can tell you.

Good luck with your family.

mcmanlyn

Can you really afford the £40? If you honestly can't then just say you've seen another (more personal) present that you wanted to get as a family - then spend whatever you can afford on that. It's tough saying no, but as long as you know it's what you need/have to do it gets easier.

I'm just glad I have a tiny family who are all as poor as me

LuciferTDark

No is such a hard word to say for it's small size. Practice it every day

SarahNeedle1872

Personally I think its a bl00dy cheek that they've asked for £40! It would have been much better to ask for 'some money' towards it..... then u could have given what u can afford.