Family forcing us to spend money

wherediditallgo

There are few things that annoy me more than people who tell you what money they expect from you, instead of asking you to put in an amount of your choosing or just leaving you to put in the amount you feel is appropriate. Some people do that at work over collections, saying “Oh everyone’s putting in £5/10”, as if I’d put that in for someone I only said a few words to occasionally.

I would tell the person organising the collection that you won’t be putting in towards the present, as you’ve already bought them a separate gift. Then get something within your own budget & give it to them – if you’ve got a mail order catalogue, maybe you could order it from there to spread the cost a bit.

Don’t allow yourself to be bullied into spending money you can’t afford. You’ll begrudge it. Why is it people with the most money are the most carefree with other people’s? :mad:

As for spending £500 on a watch for them, that's a good enough reason in my book not to chip in a penny towards it. Great though it would be, I don't need a watch to do the housework, get the shopping in, sort out the garden etc - I want it to accurately tell the time without turning my wrist green or falling apart within days like a circus clown's car. No-one's going to convince me that the £500 watch will be any more accurate than a £50 or £100 one. What's the betting that watch will look like it cost far less anyway instead of looking worth every penny? If an individual wants to spend their money buying such a gift, that's up to them, but to expect others to go along with it is ridiculous. £500?? I couldn't bring myself to contribute to such stupidity.

alibambino

you do what u feel can afford, sod what everybody else thinks

wherediditallgo

TurnaroundSue wrote: »

We normally give my nephews £10 each for christmas/birthdays, but this year one of my nephews was 18 so gave him 50 euros (as going to europe soon on his hols) and he didn't even have the decency to thank us ..... I know what he will be getting next year - BIG FAT HAIRY NOTHING!!!!

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I begrudgingly sent my Niece £20 for her 21st, she also had a present for her 18th
The reason I say begrudgingly is that it is a lot of money for us & we never ever get a thank you, the only reason I know she got it, is the cheque was cashed!!

The days of writing/ringing to say "thank you" seem to have long gone in some households. When I was a child, my mum told me it was absolutely essential that you say "Thank you" for any gift you receive regardless of the value, & even now I'll ring people (especially those I don't see or hear from very often) to express my thanks for presents or cards, & catch up on their news at the same time.

It's both annoying & saddening that if manners came with a designer label & were the pet project of a respected pop star or footballer, people would be showing them more often.

In_Search_Of_Me

I loathe it when people do this! Thankuly all know I am trying to get out of debt & I hope wouldnt ask now...I much prefer (ie wedding lists) getting something more personal...Think they've got a cheek! A gift shouldnt be expected or demanded but should come rfom the heart...

kizzykizzywizzy

wherediditallgo wrote: »

The days of writing/ringing to say "thank you" seem to have long gone in some households. When I was a child, my mum told me it was absolutely essential that you say "Thank you" for any gift you receive regardless of the value, & even now I'll ring people (especially those I don't see or hear from very often) to express my thanks for presents or cards, & catch up on their news at the same time.
My 2 children 4 & 6 always phone & say thank you for thier presents

Good Manners are something everyone can afford as they cost nothing!!

wherediditallgo

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

My 2 children 4 & 6 always phone & say thank you for thier presents

Good Manners are something everyone can afford as they cost nothing!!

Totally agree. I once borrowed £10 from my electricity bill savings to get some flowers for a friend who'd been in hospital having a minor op. When she said "Oh, just put them over there", I felt like ramming them up her nose stem first, except it had just been operated on & I thought that would be rather cruel.

moneydesperate_x

I think you would probably do the 21 year old a favour by not contributing and maybe stopping others from buying it.
£500 is far too much to spend on a watch which they may not even like.

Its the thought that counts, not how much money you give them.
I would go with the, 'sorry but ive already got something' along with everyone else, then you dont risk upsetting people.

Let us know what you decide?

bathgatebuyer

I've had a similar discussion with friends over a hen night which is over three nights in Amsterdam. I've said that I don't want to go because it's a lot of money to go to a hen night (to listen to a gaggle of drunk women acting like morons - I'm not a fan!), and automatically can feel myself getting frozen out of things.

Why can't people just accept that we've got better things to spend our money on at times? I mean TV licence renewal, car MOT, car tax................or hen night? What comes toop of the priorities list?!

Blinkin' people!

Surfbabe

We were put in this situation a few years ago when we were "told" to contribute £25 towards SIL's partners 40th birthday present. :eek: We told the others we had already got something so it was tough luck on them really. If they had said to us "did we want to go in with them for ..... and it would be £25, we might have thought differently.

As to thank you notes. My children (18 & 16) have always written thank you notes for birthdays and Christmas even if they have seen the person who gave it to them. I always write them as well (note write not type on computer!!!). It really bugs me that not once in 24 years have I EVER received a thank you note from anyone of DH family - they just don;t do them or even a phone call. One day I will rebel and refuse to puy anyone anything every again if they dont have the common decency to say thank you for it (rant over):rotfl:

Jillinoz

ringo_24601 wrote: »

You think that's bad, The 'going rate' for wedding presents in our circle of family and friends is £100. We've been to 4 weddings in the last year.

Thankfully, ours is in 4 months so we see it all back then

Warning: mini rant coming on! :mad:

This is a real bugbear for me at the moment. I especially hate receiving a wedding invitation with the gift list in the envelope, so regardless of whether or not you can actually make the big day, the presumption is already there that you will fork out for an expensive present. Given that most of my friends are professionals in their mid to late 30s, am I wrong to think that they should have managed to buy themselves a toaster / kettle / whatever gizmo-gadget by now?

One friend who earns a very good salary even had a list for her 40th recently. What, like you do when you're five?!

As a singleton, I've decided that enough is enough, and inspired by one of my favourite episodes of Sex And The City, I'm going to throw myself a swanky party to celebrate being single, invite all the high-earning friends who've extorted money from me at their weddings, and have my gift list at Manolo Blahnik!!!!!