Family forcing us to spend money

Penny2myName

I remember my 18th, and the thing that brought tears to my eyes and really moved me, was a card and box of chocolates I got from some friends parents. I had been in the school dance group with the girls and from calling round to see the girls I ended up calling round to see the parents instead and am still great mates with the parents (girls are all over country now) The gift although to most was something so simple, in the fact I never expected anything, it made the gift so very special to me.

Bonaventure_babes

If i was you i'd send just what i can afford. I bet no one is knocking on your door offering to pay off your bills for you so I wouldn't put myself deeper in debt for anyone:rolleyes:

Adrasteia01

I think if you go along with it this time, your family will think they can do it again and that you are ok with it.

BTW, I think 500 pounds is far too much to spend on a watch. I think a 21 yr old would value the money or items of their choosing a lot more than an expensive watch. However, if the people have loads of money to throw around then 500 on a watch might not seem like a great deal.

maz1964

hi there,

i agree with the majority and say you have already bought something and not explain what you have bought, and say that your family had wanted to give something personal. I would also send the gift and card but also follow up before the party and speak with the 21st party person and wish them a great time and you are sorry that you are not able to attend the party (unless its supposed to be a surprise party then phone after....lol,,,, dont get blamed for that lol,,,,only kidding
Im sure the 21st person celebrating would be more chuffed to receive a personal phone call and you can offer to buy them a huge drink next time you meet up.

Families who wants to swap my mad one for one of yours,,,lol

Think of this as part of your big plan and that you need to get back on track and this episode by the other relatives is not going to pull you away from your goal. to be debt free as soon as possible.

Ciao and good luck and take care

MAZ

bommer

I've got my nephews 21st next week and am just going for the £21 pound in a card option as I no he will appreciate this more than a watch. He is taking driving lessons and hoping to get a car after. Has anyone asked what they want for their birthday. I no a watch is nice and will remind of the 21st but today kids are more materialisitc and usually want car etc more. I think they will appreciate a cash donation however small more - cause they can do something with it rather than a fancy watch!

Need_To_Sort_It

I had this with ex MIL, she wanted a 60th party as well as a 60th lunch in the golf club, chose someones house to have it in (other SIL) and asked for family members to bring the food and alcohol for some 50 guests, would have done it if MIL wasnt loaded but she was, i refused saying I was not going to feed and drink a shedful of people I have never met unless they bring something to contribute to the house party too.

Funny thing happened next, she burst into tears calling me calous as she was a family member (err no, you happen to be my husbands mother) and WW3 broke out, her daughter jumped on the bandwagon and I never saw them again - bliss.

wherediditallgo

Good for you, NTSI. I've never been too afraid of speaking up for myself, but when you've got credit cards, overdrafts etc sometimes it's easier to go along with things just to get them over with, just for a quiet life. However, when you're in debt & on a fixed budget trying to sort yourself out, some people need to be told what's what otherwise they'll take the raging mickey.

I was told that some of my family wanted to pay for a relative to visit his brother in Australia for a couple of months, as they're both elderly & it might be the last time they see each other, & we were all expected to chip in £50 each towards it (they'd also be getting him new clothes & other stuff to take, plus provide his spending money). I understand the sentiment, but I've never met either of them, so they're total strangers to me. I asked why they felt I should pay towards someone else's holiday, when they knew I'd been ill on & off for years & not one of them had thought to offer me even a weekend away in the UK never mind such a fantastic holiday (I haven't had a proper holiday in years because of my health & my finances). I didn't get an answer from them & they didn't get a penny from me.

duchy

I don 't think I'd ever have the nerve to TELL extended family what I wanted/expected for a gift. I was brought up to be thankful for the fact that someone had thought to get me a gift rather than the value. I even felt a bit diffident asking my ex if he wanted to chip in towards a really good PC for our son. Ironically he earns much more than I do and has a partner to share expenses but paid a lot less than half-yet the gift was presented as been from both of us-ah well life is too short to stress over the small stuff.

hitback

I know exactly what you mean!! We have told family members that we are on a budget, and with rising fuel bills cost of living etc, we are reducing the amount we spend on presents etc. I think £40 is excessive to say the least, you should just contribute what you would like and feel happy with. Do not be pressured by family members on higher salaries, we have that problem and I'm afraid we have adopted the like or lump it policy which so far is working!!!

GreyPilgrim

BettiePage wrote: »

I'd have an Omega, not a Rolex. However, in real life I have a £20 Sekonda!

I have a £9.99 casio. But then again I'm cool enough to carry it off...