Family forcing us to spend money

belfastgirl23

If you've been honest with them and told them that you are struggling financially then it is a bit of a cheek and I would simply reiterate that you can't afford it and leave it at that. But if you haven't told them that things are tight then it's sort of reasonable that they assume you have the £ to do it.

What family member is it by the way? If it's for a 21st unless it's a younger brother or sister then it's definitely out of order by any standards IMHO.

TwinMummy

Theres no way I could spend that much on a presenteither, not even for my own children let alone someone else! As said above I think you need to stand your ground on this otherwise there will always be something else to 'chip in' for.
Good luck!

cupid_s

If you honestly can't afford it could you say you've already bought a present?

On another note, did you get them anything special for their 18th? If so say that their 18th was the special present and this is just a normal birthday as far as you are concerned.
I got an expensive watch for my 18th off my parents and special presents off other family members, but knew that I'd just get normal presents for my 21st. I was told it was one birthday or the other and I didn't have a problem with that. In fact in our family no-one buys presents once we get past 18 (apart for parents/grandparents/children and siblings) so it's easier all round.

meerkat2007

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it, and they have a flippin' cheek stating what they expect by way of a contribution anyway!

Bearing in mind that I don't see a great deal of what remains of my extended family - not that I WANT to see a great deal of them anyway! - if it was me, I'd tell them I couldn't afford it, and furthermore, I'd also tell them that I found their assumption and demand extremely offensive.

I know this could possibly lead to a falling-out, but as I said, that's how I'd respond, if it was my relatives!

Kevicho

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Does anyone else have this problem? We have just been told by a family member that they want everyone to contribute £40 to a 21st birthday present

Key part is in bold there.

Why dont you get a cheaper gift, or send some money, say 20 quid, im sure the recipient would like that just as much.

I think 500 on a watch is mad anyways.

Sallys_Savings

Cant you tell a little white lie and say you've already bought the special gift and then go and buy something that you can afford.

If you want ideas for a 21st (cheap but thoughtful ) have a look on the special occasions board as there has been lots of ideas on there

always_amazed

Yes, I do to:

On the 21st front: Mine was a big party and I invited my whole family (well my cousins my age plus their parents) and I said not to worry if you can't make it because we'd see each other soon. In contrast, my cousin's parents are making a huge deal about my cousin's one and are also after money for a huge present (a car!!!). My Dad and I are just refusing, if they want to buy him a car they can get it themselves!!
Families are so tough and I feel for you.
If I were you I'd stand your ground but explain the ins and outs of why you can't contribute. Because you can't really.
xxx

poppett

I wouldn't hesitate to say how sorry you are but you CANNOT afford £40. Either tell them to count you out of the present and get something else or just send £10 and say that's it.

chevalier

Hi there
I would go with the 'but we have already bought something routine'

And anyway what on earth is the point giving a young person a £500 watch! If it was me I wouldn't dare wear it for fear of losing it.
chev

always_amazed

Exactly; I'm a responsible 21year old but still loose stuff all the time.