Help convince family

BettiePage

Show her what you've written Jim.

Is she getting treatment for her depression? Her shopping could be a symptom of this...?

System

Jim i sympathise. I am in the same boat with my other half. He has wracked up £30,000 worth of debt on a car and a caravan that i told him he couldnt afford but he bought them anyway. When the house needed some major renovations last year i had to pay for them out of my savings. Christmas was also on me this year as he couldnt afford it.

Thing is, my funds are rapidly diminishing and ive seen no real effort for him to pull his finger out and work extra hours or actually phone someone for advice on how the best way is to sort it.

I guess when my money has gone and he cant pay his debts and more recently his overdraft he will have to do something.

poppett

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

kids rebel!
P.s Kids do get pocket money £4 and £3 respectively.They can get an extra £1 if they need it by doing some housework. .

Sorry to read your dilemma but with the support of people on here things will be easier.

Kids do rebel but in the long run they will thanks you for being careful with your money. As your two get pocket money how about "fining" them for every light they leave on, competer plugged in etc. My son has a habit of leaving his phone charger plugged in (he's 18). I have told him I will charge him and extra 50p housekeeping each time I see it still plugged in with no phone attached to the end....guess what.....he's unplugged it ever since! He knows now that I WILL do it. Worth a try.

Norfolk_Jim

Just to acknowledge the many posts on here, my thanks to you all. Will be thinking over the various suggestions, all are appreciated.

RAS

Jim

Re the mail. Get a stop put on the delivery of junk mail etc through the Mail Preference Service here http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/mpsr/.

It does not stop any catalogue that she has purchased from previously but you could do a general letter advising them that you will not pay and request that they do not send any further correspondence. Hard I know as I am still getting junk mail for the previous householder who died 12 years ago, despite having told the companies concerned repeatedly that he is dead.

RAS

Jim

How goes?

Norfolk_Jim

Sorry I missed you post RAS. Same as ever though I feel like I'm getting somewhere on the debt front and while a few days ago I wasnt able to see how to tackle the gang of debts pushing me over the edge I at least now have a plan of action to take them on. I always used a strategy of divide and conquer, Similar to snowballing. I didnt hear anything here that made me hope I could get my family onside, even allowing for OH's extra life chalenges - So sleeves up, nose to the grindstone and here we go again. Theres lots of ideas on these boards. I've been trawling the MS OS board and trying to restructure the shopping. I enjoy frugal living as a challenge. Theres little in the way of material things I want or hold tightly and when we first wed so was OH but her illness has resulted in us becoming a couple of opposites. Today she wants a carpet! Its got nothing to do with needing a carpet and once its got (It wont be) it would be on to the next thing. The compulsion is in the getting of the things, not the actual thing. I feel very tired and worn out but resigned to just getting on with it. When you read peoples stories here it is a help. Thanks for wondering.

tealady

Hi. Please talk to someone about your wifes illness as there is only so much one person can do. At the risk of sounding harsh you need to protect yourself as (heaven forbid) what would happen if you had no income?
Once the kids get to teens can they not get a part time job? Tell them whatever they earn they keep ut they don't get pocket money and anything they want they buy, that should give them a wake up call.
Hope things get better for you.

Squiggly_Diddly

Just came across this thread, sounds like things are very tough going
so (((((hugs))))))

I can't offer much in the way of constructive suggestions, having not been in anything like this situation, except to echo what others have said - your wife really does need some help for her problems. Have you spoken to your GP about your situation, got yourself some support and asked them what they would suggest could help both you and your wife???

As for the kids, yes, teenagers/nearly teens are very demanding - my 3 are constantly saying "can I have" - but the answer isn't always yes. They know I am obsessively on MSE! They also know I work flippin hard to keep us all going, but it's just kids' nature to ask!!!

Don't keep struggling on alone without support when there's no need to Jim. It's good that you feel you have a plan to tackle the debts, but you need someone/something to keep you motivated, and give you a bit of a lift when things feel too overwhelming.

Like someone else said, you wouldn't expect to deal with a broken leg without a bit of treatment - well the same goes for other problems that might not be quite so obvious.

Sending you a virtual cuppa & a biccy too.

Norfolk_Jim

Thanks Squiggly & tea Lady. Sometimes I think I'd be no worse off with no income! I had a friend who's wife had classic cleaning OCD and was in a much better state than I find myself in, but never worked again and just stayed home and looked after her and the kids while pottering about in his own workshop. I dont think they are together any more but I lost touch with him. My experience is that to begin with, there is a lot of help and advice from various help agencies. After a while your expected to cope a little better. A while after that and your pretty much left to make the best of a bad job. Theres more demand for help than ability to supply it. The GP is very helpful to the wife. I'm thinking of visiting myself because I have been cracking up this year, worst I've been. We've lived with this for 7 years, something like. I have a very high pressure job and this year I'm definitely thinking about a less stressful job. Bit of a toss up up though, It sounds like a good idea but I remember my old job which was much less demanding but left me to ponder all day long which was not good. At least my high pressure job does distract my mind from home for 10 hours. My tentative plan is to tough it out until the kids are both at uni, work or are otherwise able to maintain themselves, sell up and run away, far, far away. Hopefully before that point comes something good will happen and everything will end happy ever after (Not even a hint of sarcasm should be read into that - you have to live in hope!)