Absolute Despair - Can you guide me?

Careful_with_that_Axe

Hi Barbiegirl
Popped in to see how you are doing today.

I think you need to concentrate on doing what you need to do for youreslf and your family and waste no energy on your OH and what he is doing. As I've said before, try to only deal with today's problems today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow. Hard to do I know.

Is it possible some short term Counselling through your GP could help you cope at the moment? Or even the Samaritans can be very caring and soothing when you have a "panic" moment, day or night.

Thinking of you.
x

Js_Other_Half

I know it's not what you want to happen, but I do think you and your children are going to be happier without him. He is behaving like a 2 year old - actually, scrap that, I know 2 year olds who are kinder!


I have no bright ideas about how you'd cope, but is there anyone else who could have your daughter for you when you're in hospital? I'd also suggest you stay in hospital for as long as you can, considering you will have no one to help you pick the new baby up in the middle of the night, etc once you get home.

If there is no one else to have your daughter, then consider contacting social services - there may be a way of having her stay in short term foster care for a week. These people will be police checked etc

Good luck with it all.

Savvy_Sue

And please don't panic at the words 'short term foster care'. This would be to ensure her safety and your peace of mind, given that your ex cannot be relied upon for either. I'm sure your daughter would be brought to visit you and new baby!

Careful_with_that_Axe

Hiya sweetpea. How are you doing today?
x

Barbiegirl_2

Hi all,

I'm suprisingly okay today, thanks. I spent most of yesterday in tears. Had a terrible nights sleep but the two of us still went to Church. I waited for about 30 minutes after Church to speak to the pastor but was busy helping someone else. I am writing him in email as I couldn't speak to him direct today. My husband has NOT moved out yet????? I don't understand what's going on. The stress was terrible when he said he was on his way today but is still here?

In fact he has been much better with our daughter but still a little otherwise with me. I'm not sure if I should ask him when/if he is going?

Have a good evening.

minimoneysaver

Barbiegirl, you could be talking about my ex! He was totally selfish and self absorbed during my pregnancy. Kicked me out when my little girl was four months old, then sold his house, tried to move into mine, and I then kicked him out because I didn't want MY daugter growing up with such an awful role model. I just wish I lived nearer to you. I'd come and help you put together your cot anyday. This site is a godsend. I don't know what I would have done without it. Quidco etc have saved me a fortune! Ask him what his plans are and make it clear that you have made your own plans. You might be right about him wanting you to beg him to stay. He is looking for an ego boost that he isn't going to get. My ex did the same to me. I am so much happier without him. I have an absolute star for a next door neighbour and an ex from a few years ago has been a great listening ear and helped with DIY etc. Good luck! xxx

Mandles

Barbiegirl wrote: »

Thanks to the advice from someone on here I registered with Freecycle and have so far received a playpen and baby bouncer which I never had with the first one.

I'm very anxious about tomorrow but after Church I'm going to take our little girl to the park or to play with a school friend while he moves out.......I think if we stuck around while he was packing the car it would be much worse. He is moving somewhere near Northampton and said that he will see our daughter every two weeks. I didn't cry lastnight when he was saying this and I think he's confused because I didn't cry for him or beg him to stay.....

I'm really confused about everything and I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing? How do I know if/when he will come around to the realisation that it wasn't just me that caused all the problems between us. I have become resentful and I know it's wrong to be like that. He told me that he doesn't appreciate being treated like a PART TIME MAID.......I didn't even know what to say...BECAUSE IF HE WAS treated like that then sorting things out for the baby's arrival would have been done and dusted. I almost fell off my chair when I heard that. I go to work, do everything for our little girl and do the housework.....I'm not really sure how much more I can deal with.

Thanks.

I think he will have a rude awakening when he does leave and hopefully live by himself and has to do everything for himself he will truly appreciate what he has walked away from. Some men don't know when they have it made!
My OH is fab but i like it when i am ill and he has to look after my youngest as it really makes him appreciate how hard it is to look after a hyper toddler .. you can't even wee in peace! It is just non stop.

Loretta

I think that when he is gone you will feel a lot better and can get yourself organised.

However I think that you should give him a date to leave, take control of this situation don't wait for him to decide you have your future to plan. Just keep calm and say that you would like him to be gone by say Frday, or whenever, this week at the latest and you need to finalise some practical details including how much he will be contributing towards his responsibilities. I wouldn't bother with discussing when he sees your daughter as he is unreliable, he can leave his keys when he goes, change the locks anyway. We will think of some more things soon!

Make a stand and take charge

Careful_with_that_Axe

It did occur to me (not that I know much as I have no children) with your hormones all over the place that when you should be "nesting" you are going through this awful situation. I think it might be an idea to get your Midwife to watch out for any early signs of PND once you've had your little one. You may be more susceptible to it because of what you are currently going through?

Keep putting one foot in front of the another and I hope you had a sunnier day today.
x

Barbiegirl_2

Hi everyone,

It's been a very exhausting day. My husband is still here and tonight I asked him to let me know where I stand? I thought it was a fair question to ask but he said I must tell him. He doesn't understand that I don't want to be in a situation where he leaves say a few days before or after the baby. I explained that I needed organise care for our little one etc if he isn't going to be around etc but I still didn't get an answer.

I think he is comfortable because by moving into someone elses house who won't be able to do just as he pleases and leave his things lying everywhere....

Tonight he got some things out the roof for me. He promised also to sort out the room he stays in to make place for the baby's changing table etc but we will see. It's really odd in our house. We live under the same roof but live in different rooms....It's been like this for almost a month now.

Off to bed now...I am so tired and have two works to go at work....

Thanks all for everything.