Absolute Despair - Can you guide me?

Rachie_B

what a horrible situation

definitely get in touch with http://www.home-start.org.uk/ they will assign you a volunteer to help out / be a support to you in whichever way you need !

also im sure that if you have no one to look after the eldest child, while you are in hospital giving birth,then social services provides a registered childminder for you

((hugs))

Careful_with_that_Axe

Barbiegirl wrote: »

Voyager, thanks I just feel there is something wrong with me. ........

I think this is quite a natural reaction for a woman. We do tend to feel responsible if something goes wrong. It may take you some time to work through this and appreciate that nothing is your fault and no-one deserves to be treated like this. And I am a firm believer in as you reap so shall you sow. He'll get his just desserts in the end.

As someone else suggested, phone your church group and I'm sure they will all rally round. I knew someone quite a long time ago who was going through nasty marriage break up and church really rallied round to do everything they could to help. And, by asking for help, you are in no way being inadequate - it's the wisest thing someone can do when they are being faced with something they are having difficulty dealing with.

In high hopes of raising a smile, the nasty marriage break up I mentioned above, the bloke cited as one of his reasons on his wife's unreasonable behaviour was "being too loud when eating an apple" !!!

Hugs and wishes for all good things for you
x

Barbiegirl_2

Hi. thanks again for the replies. Nothing much to add other than I had a text earlier to from my husband to speak to my daughters friends mother to see if she could spend the ngiht tomorrow night.......I wondered if he would be moving out and just didn't want her to be around.....but when I eventually got through on the phone he said it was because he wanted to chat.....so we shall see.

Thanks again.

jessbrown100

best of luck barbiegirl, can't offer much in the way of advice but my thoughts are with you!

quietheart

Barbiegirl, what a horrible situation. I think you need to get in touch with your pastor asap. There will be someone who can do the heavy work for you and i'm sure they're would be someone who could attend the birth with you if that's what you want.
I think your daughter summed up that this is actually the right thing to happen. He needs to go if he can't take his responsibilities seriously. Do you think he could be depressed though?
Life will be tough financially but there's a lot of changes you can make. Emotionally your life will be easier though. It's a small positive but could make a huge difference. I grew up with Catholic parents who hated each other but wouldn't consider separating - it was truly miserable.
i wish you all the very best, you sound like a great mum.

Barbiegirl_2

I just wanted to add that through this site I have found some confidence in myself. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THAT. Well my husband has gone to work to fetch a part but I get the feeling he is up to something and I just don't know what it is. My friend couldn't have our little girl tomorrow night so I wonder if will still talk to me like he said he would?

I may ask him when he gets back what he wants to say......Not sure if I worry to much but I wonder if he has gone to look at some more places to live???? I hate the not knowing.

Savvy_Sue

Have another hug, Barbie. And have a think about what YOU want - do you WANT him back, or do you think you'd actually do better without him? I don't ask that lightly.

Also think about whether there's anyone who would come and be with you when he wants to talk to you. Not to take your side, just to sit and listen, and help you make sense of it afterwards.

Whether you want to make a go of it or not, you might find Relate very helpful.

Barbiegirl_2

Hi all, I was right he didn't go to fetch something from work he went to view a room to rent in someone's house. He got back and wanted to chat so we did. This was the worst conversation of my life. Basically it was about finances and it's all my fault everything is like this. He asked me if he must move out so I said do what you want to do but before you do can I confirm if you will be around to watch our daughter when I have the baby? He said he didn't know so I just said that I only have 4 weeks or so left and I don't want to be told the day before my operation that he isn't going to come and watch her? So for now it looks like the Church is the only place/people that can help us?

If I ask him to stay he will never realise that he has hurt me so much. He maintains that he doesn't treat me horrible but I am selfish for not making lunch for him for work etc......I could write a book but the details would probably put you to sleep. Thanks all

Keeping_Positive

Get rid of him now hes unreliable. Dont wait until the baby is closer or has arrived. While he is around he will bully you into feeling bad and sap your strength. If he goes now it will be very tough but at least you will just have yourself and babies to think about and you will get stronger.

Go to the sure start grant mentioned above as its worth £500 for a straight forward form. Also check out the http://www.entitledto.co.uk/ web site to see what you can claim.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I feel how bad it must seem. Pregnacy especially in the latter stages is tough at the best of times. You are strong and will get through this. Just dont waste any time or energy on him. Hes certainly not going to do the same for you.

Finally (((((((hugs)))))))

Barbiegirl_2

Hi,

I have been looking into the Surestart Maternity Grant but I notice that the application requests the details of the partner/husband. Does anyone know if this is relevant once he has moved out?

I don't know much about the benefit system as I have always been in work. The Surestart payment would help greatly if I was able to get it. It also states something about the family element within tax credits? I don't understand what the means?

Is it correct that they will take into account my yearly salary alone? and also consider that with effect from February I will be getting only normal maternity pay?

For example I need to buy a set of baby montitors which are expensive everywhere you go. I had a set for our first child but they are lost somewhere in the loft......

x