Absolute Despair - Can you guide me?

Keeping_Positive

You can claim if you receive tax credits above the basic £45 ish a month even if you are with your partner. Once / if he leaves then I am sure you will qualify if you dont already. You can claim up to when baby is 3 months old so there is still time.

The fact that you are on maternity leave means you are likely to receive more tax credits. Have you called them yet? I cant remember if you said you had or not.

JoJoB

I think you should get an appointment with a benefits advisor at the CAB asap to go through all this stuff. They will be able to guide you through the whole confusing benefits minefield and tell you what you may be entitled to.

In terms of getting baby stuff, don't buy anything until you have registered on your local freecycle: http://www.freecycle.org/ People are always giving away baby things on there, and if you put up a wanted ad with a brief outline of your situation (as far as you are comfortable) I'm sure you will find women falling over themselves to give things to you.

And in terms of finding someone to help you put up a cot and other flat-packed furniture (and possible getting stuff out of loft) try your local Housing Foundation: http://www.foundations.uk.com/hiasearch.aspx. They should have a handy-man who can come and help you with this stuff.

The way you are being treated is unbelievable. The only way for you to get your head around this is to imagine him in a straightjacket, cos he is behaving as unreasonably and irrationally as someone on a day out from a mental asylum. Keep this image in mind next time he is having a go about something ridiculous like you not making lunch.

CharleneUK

Bless you barbiegirl, what a horrible situation.

Where abouts in the UK are you? If you don't want to post it, you could pm me?

Hugs to you, I don't have much else to add, but you've been given some good advice thus far.

Barbiegirl_2

Thanks to the advice from someone on here I registered with Freecycle and have so far received a playpen and baby bouncer which I never had with the first one.

I'm very anxious about tomorrow but after Church I'm going to take our little girl to the park or to play with a school friend while he moves out.......I think if we stuck around while he was packing the car it would be much worse. He is moving somewhere near Northampton and said that he will see our daughter every two weeks. I didn't cry lastnight when he was saying this and I think he's confused because I didn't cry for him or beg him to stay.....

I'm really confused about everything and I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing? How do I know if/when he will come around to the realisation that it wasn't just me that caused all the problems between us. I have become resentful and I know it's wrong to be like that. He told me that he doesn't appreciate being treated like a PART TIME MAID.......I didn't even know what to say...BECAUSE IF HE WAS treated like that then sorting things out for the baby's arrival would have been done and dusted. I almost fell off my chair when I heard that. I go to work, do everything for our little girl and do the housework.....I'm not really sure how much more I can deal with.

Thanks.

JoJoB

Barbiegirl wrote: »

I'm really confused about everything and I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing? How do I know if/when he will come around to the realisation that it wasn't just me that caused all the problems between us.

Straightjacket love

He may never realise, because he is clearly psychotic. The important thing is that YOU realise and that YOU go on to live a happy and sane life with this destructive influence sidelined. When someone's mind gets all twisted and bitter they will insist that black is white and left is right, and you will only drive yourself insane trying to rationalise with an irrational person. The only way forward is for you to detach from his mindset. Do not concern yourself with what he thinks, only with how to get what is due to you, and how to get yourself on your feet. Living well is the best revenge and when you feel down and confused just visualise everyone here rooting for you.

Keeping_Positive

Good idea to stay away. Just remember what he says is most likely all rubbish and is relying on your good nature to second guess yourself.

Savvy_Sue

Straightjacket with pink pants on his head. Learn to laugh at this tosh.

Also, would a couple of people from church come round and help you sort out what's what in the loft? I know it can be very hard, sharing your business with all and sundry, but that's what friends are for, and if you don't have many yet you're sure going to be glad of them when baby arrives!

Liquorice_Twirls

Hi Barbiegirl

The only thing I know for sure about people is that that you can only change yourself in terms of how you behave and what you think.

You could wait for ever and try your best to get him to see things from your point of view, but the chances are this won't happen unless he wants it to.

I think you are doing the best you can at the moment which is to sort out the things you can do eg financially, and trying to look to your Church who may be able to offer you support. I truly believe that most Churches will have at least some caring people who will help you at this time.

The main thing you can do is work out how you feel about him and then make decisions based on your own feelings. You don't know if he will ever change or how he will behave in the future, so try not to look months and years ahead, just a little at a time.

It sounds as if you won't be able to totally rely on him at the birth so maybe at least having a fall back position is a start.

Take care xx

Stephb1986_2

Hi barbiegirl sorry to hear of your problems i dont really have any advice apart from dont bother wasting your tears on him hunni he really isnt worth it. Could you mum not come up for a week or so to look after your daughter while you have the baby? I know you said you two aren't close but i think that in the circumstanses your mum would be a help? a while back i wasnt close to my mum until i really needed her and she was there and ever since we have been really close. Why not phone her up for a chat

please look after yourself and your daughter.

take care

Stephb xx

bunty109

Barbiegirl, your OH really does sound like the most self-absorbed person ever. Aside from the fact he's leaving you heavily pregnant (and making you feel to blame), what sort of father would not commit to care for his daughter whilst you are in hospital?!? He's really up his own backside!

I think you need to plan on the fact that he's useless and look to asking your church for help. You'll be surprised how people rally round at times like this. I'd also consider getting in touch with homestart as I am sure that there will be people there at least willing to offer advice if not able to opractical assistance.

I know you said you weren't close to your mum, but would she come to stay for a week and help with your daughter? I appreciate you may not want to discuss your situation with her, but it could be an option.

I'm thinking of you and wish you all the best. I know it's hard for you, but I really think you're better off without him.