Absolute Despair - Can you guide me?

cheltenhamgirl

I'm really sorry that I don't have any advice to add, but all I can say is that it sounds like your life will actually be better once this man is no longer in your life. Yes it will be a struggle financially, but all the lovely people on here have already given you lots of advice about that. One way to look at it, is that you now have one less demanding 'child' (which it sounds is what he's demanding he be treated like) to look after, so your life will be easier in the long run. Sorry, I know not much help, but just trying to see the positive side of things...

xx

Mandles

I think it's awful when men leave while women are pregnant. Like me , a lot of women are not themselves while pregnant (i was a complete phsyco, i was really angry and aggressive to a lot of people ). Shortly after the baby was born i was back to normal. Men need a bit of an education i think that do not make a choice like this while a woman is pregnant . My OH stood by me and we have come through the otherside and are happy.
I can't believe he's moaning about his dinner. Has his arms fallen off?! Maybe this is for the good who knows? My friend had no husband and 2 kids. She moved to a different area and a horrible flat for 6 months but after that had a lovely house and got financial help all through this. She has now found a good husband and is working. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
I am pm'ing you also.

Careful_with_that_Axe

Hope you got some sleep last night. As an aside, if unwelcome thoughts wake you or keep you awake, try having a radio on in the background.

I neglected to say previously that you may well find that Council's, banks etc can actually be quite understanding at times when financially and emotionally things are in a state of flux. Although I would understand that you may not want to draw their attention to potential future problems.

Just keep living each day and dealing with what you can at the time. Try to leave tomorrows worries for tomorrow.
I would also have no hesitation in demanding the help you need from the OH!

Lots of hugs and positive thoughts
x

Barbiegirl_2

Thanks everyone for replying. He tis going to view places tonight so should be out of here by the weekend he said. I have been a wreck all day. As I said the timing couldn't be worse. All I wanted was some help and support from him but I never did get it.

It's really scary going into hospital to have the baby alone........

I hope he will still take the time off at least to watch our little girl otherwise I will be in real trouble. After my operation last time I couldn't walk properly for the most part of two weeks.

I will take the little one to the park when I know he's moving out........

Keep you updated.

Voyager2002

Lots of support and sympathy for your difficult situation. As a man, I have nothing but contempt for the way your husband is treating you.

A couple of practicalities: you mentioned Council Tax. Don't forget to apply for Council Tax Benefit, a scheme that is administered by the council. It is means-tested, but if your income is really low it can cover the whole of your Council Tax;

And don't forget that when you are a single parent, the Child Support Agency will collect part of your (ex) husband's salary and hand it over to you to be used to care for your children.

A tiny baby is better off sleeping in a 'pram or Moses' basket rather than a cot, so in the short term don't worry too much about getting the cot built.

Barbiegirl_2

Voyager, thanks I just feel there is something wrong with me. I don't know what I have done to deserve this treatment at all. I had mentioned that most men out there would try and help and be supportive but I think the baby is something that happened for him but sadly he/she isn't wanted by him.....well that's how it feels anyway.

It didn't matter to him that we had no milk lastnight. It was also then that I realised how selfish he can be sometimes......oh well our groceries are low and I will be going to the supermarket after school. We may just have some dinner as well as I don't feel like cooking anymore........

Savvy_Sue

Barbie, even if you don't get to church this Sunday, can you phone your church leader / pastor and say what's going on? And is there someone there you COULD rely on to care for your little girl while you are in hospital - in our church they would bring you meals every day for at least a week after you got home!

flutterbyuk25

Barbiegirl there is absolutely nothing wrong with you - it's your husband who is wrong.

If he doesn't want the baby then that it his loss - you will bring s/he up to be a decent well-loved human being.

Are there any mums/dads at your other child's school who could help you out with lifting some boxes/putting up the cot? Can the school help you out at all or point you to organisations that can?

x

Liquorice_Twirls

Thinking of you today, Barbiegirl. It sounds like you are finding that strength inside you and I believe you will cope and hopefully not alone.

There's nothing wrong with you, please believe this. You have a beautiful baby inside you, ready to join you and your other child, and you will become that warm, close knit trio that care and love each other.

Hope that things look a bit clearer by the end of this week than at the start.

Here's a virtual hug xx

larmy16

My son's Dad dumped me when I was pregnant with him, so I went through the pregnancy completely alone, birth etc. - I was angry for years!!!!!!!

Anyway son is now 20 and we got through it , tough as it was at times. Unless your man is going to be fully supportive, then in my opinion you are better off alone and you will find the strength to get through this. I know it does not seem so now.

My heart goes out to you. xxxx