Birthday party - parents expect to come too?

misty

I can see both sides - my son had a party where it was quite difficult to get to and you had to pay for parents. I did it because I didn't expect them to drop off in the middle of nowhere and go and come back or pay for themselves. I didn't pay for additional siblings who came along though.

If it was my child - I wouldn't be happy leaving him to be ferried about in who knows who car. I would hwowver be happy to take him to the venue and pay for myself to stay and have a coffee.

I totally disagree that parents are stilting development by staying at parties. I usually stay at parties - because I don't drive and so by the time I get home it would be time to go back again. I don't generally see much of my son as he's away playing - some of the areas have a separate coffee shop. As he's in year 2 now - I tend to know the parents quite well and do sometimes get a lift home and leave him - but I know who I'm leaving him with. There is generally a couple of parents who stay and we will then keep an extra eye on each others kids - it is difficult with large groups.


When he was 4 - he was invited to a party of a child from nursery - I occasionally saw the mother in a morning to say hello to. The party was at a hotel owned by her parents. There was only me and one other parent who stayed. She had a lot of adult relatives there - who were probably fine but the parents who went off didn't know that. Likewise my son has had parties where the parents haven't known me from Adam and have dropped their kids off with me and mine with barely a backwards glance keen to do their own things.

I'm not bothered about siblings staying either - it's not always easy to find someone to leave them with - especially as kids have parties practically every week. Parents from my son's school, often bring a brother or sister along too. They pay them into whatever it is and they can play together or not.

amandada

misty wrote: »

I totally disagree that parents are stilting development by staying at parties. I usually stay at parties - because I don't drive and so by the time I get home it would be time to go back again. I don't generally see much of my son as he's away playing - some of the areas have a separate coffee shop. As he's in year 2 now - I tend to know the parents quite well and do sometimes get a lift home and leave him - but I know who I'm leaving him with. There is generally a couple of parents who stay and we will then keep an extra eye on each others kids - it is difficult with large groups.

Sorry Misty, I didn't make myself very clear. I'm referring to parents who are bringing children to a party at a venue which is 5/10 minutes from home, then staying in the same room and totally interacting with the child, to the point where they are almost excluding the child from the party.
What you cite, about the impracticalities of not driving etc is an entirely different and totally acceptable/understandable scenario

bestpud

Fleago - I could not agree more! It's a blimming nightmare these days and not because of the children!!!

My older children were attending parties in the 90s and I agree, it was different then as were 70s parties (when I was a child).

I find some parents overly protective and always running to teachers and other parents checking such and such is ok for little johnny and he won't get hurt etc etc. Little johnny is not allowed to get cold these days either, and going home with mud on him is a result of improper supervision!!! :rolleyes:

The one thing I have observed is that the older mothers are, by far, the worst 'offenders'! May be just a fluke in my area though - before people start saying they are 17 and treat their children the same!

I will make clear though, that I take great care of my children. If anything, I am more careful than most about who I will leave them with, but I also think we have to get things in perspective if children are to grow up with any sense of self awareness and coping skills.

Fleago

Bestpud,

Your post got me thinking again (never a good thing to happen!)! When I was a child at school in the late 60's & 70's, and when my daughter was at school in the 80's and 90's, parents pretty much left the teachers and the school to get on with it. Contact, except in extreme circumstances, involved a report card going home with the child once a year and the parents pitching up, again once a year, at parents' night. Parents back then seemed to have much more trust in the education system and the professionals involved in it.

If I came home and said that I had got into trouble at school they would have asked me what I had done to deserve it. And then punished me again for my misdemeanour. :rotfl: They certainly wouldn't have thought of going to the school to complain about it! I was pretty much the same with my daughter!

Carmina_Piranha_3

amandada wrote: »

I feel that a lot of these parents are actively holding the child's development back, as they are not allowing the child to become naturally independant within a safe environment. I also believe that there is a partial ego trip/insecurity on the part of the parent as they feel that no one can possibly look after little Johnny as well as mummy can.

i stayed at parties with my son until he was happy for me not to - that happened when he was 7. the birthday boy is 6 so that means lots of 5 year olds in the class. i wouldn't leave a 5 year old at a party, and certainly wouldn't want him ferried by anyone. mine is a summer birthday, so the other kids were a bit older than him. when he was 6 and others were 7 very few parents stayed at parties - but those who did were not overprotective or insecure.

he had a balloon phobia and often spent parties under a table if a balloon burst or even if it was just a noisy venue. being a bit 'different' meant most mums preferred for me to look after him myself because he wouldn't make eye contact or speak to them and i was an extra hand for pouring drinks and taking children to the toilet or cuddling those who had bumped heads. a few other children who didn't have special needs wanted their parent at parties until they were 7. i would of course have paid for myself if the venue had been one where adults paid for entry - and he had no younger siblings so i didn't put anybody out in that respect.

Carmina_Piranha_3

Strapped wrote: »

I guess I will put on the invites that parents are welcome to stay but there is an entrance charge of £x however they don't need to stay as there will be 4 responsible adults supervising the group.

that sounds good. i'm doing parties for my second child now and i print his invites with all the relevant details such as 'extra siblings can be included at a cost of £x each - please contact me if you wish to pay to bring a sibling' and 'please reply to xxxx to book your place before xxxx' making it clear that if you don't have the manners to reply then there your kid won't be on the list.

mind you even with that i still had 4 kids turn up at his last party who had not replied to the invite AND they brought a sibling :rolleyes: the staff at the venue made it clear how rude and awkward they thought these guests were, and asked the parents for the money for the sibling :T

a simple birthday party nowadays seems to require as much planning as a wedding :rotfl: my house is tiny so that's not an option but a picnic in the park is lovely in summer rather than a party in a playbarn each time.

one idea for keeping unwanted parents out is to have a swimming party - parents never want to join in :rotfl:roller skating too - oddly the parents are quite happy for somebody else to do the hand holding.

Loretta

barbie_babe wrote: »

Could you send a note out to all children invited saying you have changed plans and would like to meet at front gate. As you have changed you minds about taking 15 children plus in your cars. Adults you are welcome to stay with your children but the fee for any adults staying will be (how ever much it is).
Thank you.
If this note was sent home to me i would be pleased as i could make up my mind if i wanted to stay or go.
P.S Just thought invites might not have gone out yet. If they havnt put on invite about fee for adults.

I wouldn't mention anything about adults staying and how much they would have to pay, you have never thought of adults staying or paying for them the thought has nover crossed you mind has it>

Loretta

*Louise* wrote: »

Tbh - at 6 I would have wanted to go with my son if it was at a large venue. It's not easy keeping an eye on up to 30 kids

Mind you - I wouldn't expect anyone else to pay my entry - that's just plain cheeky.

You haven't read this, it is a small place suitable for this age group and there are 15 children with 4 adults looking after them

Teacher2301

What do you do - as a teacher, you see pupils make friends and break friends just as easily in one day - as a parent - the idea of inviting 30 'friends' is also ridiculous (and PC gone mad). My nephew recently had a party but only invited a select few to a fire station and then some extra friends arrived later to the house for tea (just for an 1hr or so) - his 'best' friends loved the fire station and were 'allowed' to stay later, whilst being PC, the other friends arrived, had tea and were collected on time...could this be s solution to the problem...should parents be invited - yes - do you want to deal with the odd child who wont share, wee's themselves, falls over into the cake!! Been there....my advice - get all the support (even bring the fire brigade home if you have to)

mrcow

Loretta wrote: »

You haven't read this, it is a small place suitable for this age group and there are 15 children with 4 adults looking after them

If you're being pedantic....then there are actually 18 children

My son had a party last October inviting 24 children. 6 or so were left by their parents and it was a nighmare keeping track of all of them. A few of them banged their heads etc. and were crying and needed comforting. A couple were also fighting and needed supervising.They were children who I've mostly only known a year or so in passing. I was extremely grateful to the other parents who stayed and helped me out.