Torn between work and family..

G-G_4

Thanks so much, the last two post brough a tear to my eye.. silly I know..

I guess I just feel pressurised (by myself) to prove that I am good at something, anything.. but I also agree that I probably am not cut out to be a career person..

Squashy - I was the same at school, good grades, went college and dropped out, always flitted from one job to the next but never really got anywhere as I generally had a disagreeement after about a year and took it personally and left.

Belfastgirl - I have thought about temping, I have done a lot of office, admin type roles, so I would fit into this quite well I guess. Where do you look for temping jobs? an agency or something?

Thanks for the advice, it has really helped me, still have no idea what to do, but at least I know i'm not unusual in how i'm thinking.

Also with the baby front, we said we would like to have kids, but havn't been 'trying' as such, I'm just not 100% sure yet. I can't wait to have kids, but I don't want to rush it and I want my children to have a happy life and so fincially I need to feel comfortable, and emotionally aswell. No point having kids and then wishing I had gone uni or something..

debs66_2

Hi G-G

let's set aside the ideas for a career and the bigger picture of a family that is clogging your mind.

the here and now is that you are out of work and in your own words, you are bored. my mum was in the same mental rut when my dad died (she was only 50). she had nursed my dad until the end, then was left wandering alone wondering what it was all about. from working in a busy factory, she no longer needed to work, and would have given all her money to the taxman anyway, so her days were empty. i think losing your business is your bereavement.

to cut a long story short, I signed her up for volunteer work at the local hospital and she has been doing that now for nearly 13 years. by having to be somewhere, with something to do, and people to meet, she became instantly motivated, and that helped in every other way of her life.

i am no shrink, but I think you are letting your brain run away with you with the long empty days. you are obviously a clever person with a lot to offer, and you won't be left on the shelf for long because of that.

i'm not saying you should become a volunteer, because that won't pay the bills, but what about treating your job search as a job in itself..? Plan your work hours accordingly and you will feel self-satisfied that you on are the way to achieving something. take each step as one on its own and you might see the wood for the trees.

Good luck with it

cazziebo

G-G wrote: »

Hi everyone,


Anyone else had this, and what did you do? Any suggestions welcome, you can call me lazy if you want, I probably am, but I really want to do SOMETHING!

Yes yes yes - been there. i wasn't working, had my two young children, my ex had just left. What was the point of getting a job, isn't childcare too expensive? What's the point of studying, no one would ever employ a single parent? Why sign up to an agency - they don't want people like me with no skills? In other words I was great at finding reasons NOT to do anything, but couldn't find the motivation to DO anything!!

I'm not sure what made the difference - maybe it was financial need and I had to get a job. I do remember being recommended a fantastic book, which I now dish out to friends who I think would like it - Susan Jeffers Feel the Fear (then do it anyway!). Helped me in so many ways but basically doing nothing achieves nothing. If you go down one wrong path, you can always change. What's the worst that can happen? When you examine it, the worst isn't usually that bad.

You're not lazy - you just need a bit of a spur in the right direction. You have your life in front of you. You have great skills having run a business, having no children as yet, you don't have many ties. I agree with the other posters in that you have to just get out there and do something. If it doesn't work out then so what - try something different.

I've found the OU a great way to meet people and helped me learn a lot about myself. Have you already registered?

belfastgirl23

For temping you go usually through an agency. Can't give you specific names unfortunately since it's probably different firms here in NI but if you do a google for temping agencies (or recruitment agencies) in your area I'm sure they'll come up. Or ask on your 'local' board.

As someone from the other side who works where temps are employed if you have a head on your shoulders at all and are willing to work people will be thrilled with you so it might be a good way to boost your self esteem too. And for all your DH might enjoy you being at home I think you're a lot more unhappy with it than you're admitting (even to yourself).

In fact I think it's probably crucial that you get out and about. It's very easy to slide into a depression after these major life events (and debs is right to identify the loss of your business as a kind of bereavement). I think you're in the early stages right now and have been proactive enough to notice and come on here, so yay you, loads of people slide a lot further before they realise. I think that underneath you're really a bit of a go-getter and you're just suffering from a lack of things to go and get right now

BTW Debs is also right that volunteer work can be really rewarding as well.

So go on. Do a search now, for volunteer work or recruitment agencies. Make an appointment to talk to someone. I bet you'll feel 100% better for it. Go on. And let us know how it goes.

G-G_4

Awww.. I can't thank you guys enough. I think you have summed me and my situation up so much better than I even realised myself.. I thought people would just tell me to stop moaning and get on with it..

I have just registered with a company called Monster, they seem to be a temping and recruitment agency. I have already applied for a job as a mortgage processor, not exactly my dream job and a bit of a step down the ladder, but it's a start. Not sure how my bankruptcy will go down yet though, so I guess I will have to suck it and see.

Thanks for all the positive and very useful advice.

I think I am suffering bereavement and depression about my business... it wasn't anything special, but I worked hard at it and I just feel a failure, and I miss having something to do.

I looked at volunteering, and I did like the idea of it, but then I thought I really should be earning money if i'm going to be out of the house.

I am already doing two of the OU courses, not that I have put much effort in at the moment! But yes, I am registered and all paid up for the two courses, so there is no reason not to do them.

I am going to try and think positively from now on.. I do have a lot to give and hopefully I will find a job that is right for me and my personality haha - although i'm sure OH and mother would beg to differ..

dearbarbie

Defo agree with temping. It's not great but it's easy enough and would get you back into getting up, going to work, and back into a routine, and if you don't like it, you call the agency and don't go in - simple. Can be a bit menial but I do temporary reception work at the moment (I do day-to-day assignments and you can do it part-time if you want), whilst looking for a perm job and get paid to sit on the internet all day and man the phones of a quiet reception, do a bit of typing etc. It's nice being able to go home at the end of the day and not worry about things on my way home. It would look like something on your CV, better than sitting at home, it may be okay going to Uni to get a degree but if you did nothing before that, your CV will look quite empty!

dearbarbie

P.S Do you mean MOnster on the internet? You have to be very proactive to use that in my opinion unless you want to work in sales, but its a good site to get your CV out there. My agency that I temp with is called Huntress, if you want to give them a google.

geekgirl

It may not be helpful to say this but you do sound depressed. I say this because I had serious Post Natal Depression but did not know until I looked back. Once I felt better I could see that all had not been good. Because of this my marriage split and all kinds of things went downhill for me.

Well done for spotting that things arent as they should be. If you could get some temping I bet you would be away and not look back. You could also try the job centre website. Good luck.

G-G_4

I'm not sure if I am depressed or not.. I am depressed and very teary, but I thought it was just frustration at my indecision about life.

I struggle to see the positives in life, but again, I thought it was just the weather and time of the year.

I am going doctors on Thursday as I have gall stones and am trying to get my gall bladder out.. eek.. maybe I should ask for some help. The thing is, I am certain I will start crying (I am a little even writing this), and I find it so embarrasing....

I will try Huntress, thanks dearbarbie!

pinkshoes

Being at home all day, having very little structure and routine, and no career plan in place can easily lead to a lack of motivation, and will eat away at your self confidence until you end up in a rut, and often feel that you're not good enough to do stuff!!

I suffer enough boredom at work at the moment, and recognise that if I don't get out of this job and into something more challenging, I will not only go insane, but will also loose all my self esteem and confidence in my ability! It's happening already - I look at job adverts that I'm sure I'm more than capable of doing, but this little voice tells me I won't be able to cope... arg!

I think you need to give the job thing a try, perhaps do something you've never done before (shop work? you get to talk to people!!), and when you get that feeling that you don't want to leave the house and get up early each morning, FORCE yourself to do it, and give yourself some sort of reward when you manage it! Just remind yourself of all the positives and WHY you're doing it!