Torn between work and family..

dearbarbie

I would mention how you feel to your doctor, I agree with the poster above me about why you may feel like this *hug*

G-G_4

Yeah, it is definatly motivation I lack.. and I can already feel my self confidence draining away..

I need to get out there and start working. I did have a job a few months ago in a snowboard shop at the place I go snowboarding (not that I've been in ages!) but I worked for 3 days and was so bored! The place was dead, and everyone else was happy just bumming about and looking like they were doing something, I think I spoke to about 3 customers in 3 days. I couldn't stand it and left.

I need something interesting and I need to put my mind into it. I could do with the extra money as although I am bankrupt, I still contribute to the household and if we want kids in the future then we need a bit of savings really.

Another thing is that any excess income from wages goes back to pay off my debt for a year, so I would like to earn part time so I don't earn any extra money that has to be given away, so I guess temping really is a good idea as I can work as many hours as I want.

belfastgirl23

I think there's a difference between going through a cr*ppy time and being down, and having depression. The trouble is one can slide into the other. I think you're at stage one now and being upset is a normal and natural reaction to the time you've had. The thing is to make sure you don't slide into level 2. A certain amount of crying and losing faith in yourself is normal. The biggest difference is if you can't manage to do anything about it then you're in danger of depression. Sorry I'm no expert by the way but I don't think you're a case for medication or anything just yet (tho no harm to mention to the doc just so he/she is aware).

And yes you are a failure at some things if you have any ambition or get up and go in you at all you are bound to be a failure from time to time. You are 24, you've been a mortgage advisor and run your own business and are also studying. This is a lot of life experience for your age. The only people who don't ever fail are the ones who go for safe and easy jobs and don't challenge themselves. Personally I'd take failure every time as long as I learned from it. It's nothing to be scared of.

And go into whatever you're doing next with a spirit of adventure. You aren't tied to it. If you don't like it you can move on so why not give it a go? I think you're scared of getting trapped into something but there's very little you can't move on from....and you're learning all the time.

G-G_4

I think I am scared of failure because of what other people think of me.. one of my friends in particular always makes jokes about me being lazy or not being able to hold a job down and I get sick of it. He is in the RAF and so he has a very stable job and has been there 8 yrs, and he likes it, good for him.. but when he always says, 'what you up to, watching t.v?' then I get quite annoyed because a) he is right b) he is taking the pi$$ really..

I am put off getting a job as financially we are not desperate, but OH does have debt and mortgage and so any extra money would be a help.

Also, OH like sme being at home as he works at home, but I am starting to think he is thinking of his own interests and not mine. & I think he is worried I might meet someone if I go out to work, he isn't the jealous type but he doesn't socialise, so I think he is worried he will be left behind.

I guess with Temp work, I can choose what I do in some ways and if I don't like it I could always tell the OH that the job has finished or something.. and it won't be a case of 'haha Gemma walks out of another job, told you you would' - i'm sick of those type of comments..

dearbarbie

It's nice to know that you're financially doing okay but I take it that OH is supporting you to live? Perhaps something for your self-esteem would be going to work, earning some money, and knowing that if anything were to go wrong (not saying it should or would), you are independent and can make your own way in the world. I don't know about other posters, and I know that you recently went bankrupt so perhaps he is helping you out, but I don't like the idea of my OH paying for my rent, food etc., maybe contributing your share may help you feel a bit better? Just my opinion, sorry if I have made assumptions about your situation! :cool: Perhaps some time apart from you OH during the day would be good too - you'll both miss each other loads but have so many more things to talk about, and more money to do things with. You have done a lot for the age of 24 already, and you sound like me - perhaps a bit competitive, used to being very good at stuff and find it hard to sit back and accept it? You must have learned so many things from running your own business that are very valuable skills for any employer so go get 'em girl!

dora37

A good site for temps:

www.reed.co.uk

Loretta

G-G wrote: »

Well, I really would like to be a radiographer, it pays well & seems a pretty decent and interesting job. I've always been into photography and so I see that as the same as x-rays, CT Scans etc..

I can't go uni to study it until I have some credits from the Open Uni course, so that's why I signed up to it.. but I just can't get motivated.

When I want to do something I like to get started straight away.

I have looked online for jobs but have no idea what I want to do, apart from Radiography (which seems like a long way off), and I also don't know whether to go for that if I became pregnant.

I guess I just feel like I have wasted so many years doing jobs that really havn't got me anywhere and not i've got two interests (getting a decent job / having a family) that are colliding..

I don't know anything about being a Radiographer but if that is really what you want to do and you can't do it until 2009 is there a job you could do in the mean time which is something to do with it or in the same environment, some sort of work in a hospital or clinic You would be doing something that interests you and earning which is never a bad thing!

Loretta

debs66 wrote: »

Hi G-G

let's set aside the ideas for a career and the bigger picture of a family that is clogging your mind.

the here and now is that you are out of work and in your own words, you are bored. my mum was in the same mental rut when my dad died (she was only 50). she had nursed my dad until the end, then was left wandering alone wondering what it was all about. from working in a busy factory, she no longer needed to work, and would have given all her money to the taxman anyway, so her days were empty. i think losing your business is your bereavement.

to cut a long story short, I signed her up for volunteer work at the local hospital and she has been doing that now for nearly 13 years. by having to be somewhere, with something to do, and people to meet, she became instantly motivated, and that helped in every other way of her life.

i am no shrink, but I think you are letting your brain run away with you with the long empty days. you are obviously a clever person with a lot to offer, and you won't be left on the shelf for long because of that.

i'm not saying you should become a volunteer, because that won't pay the bills, but what about treating your job search as a job in itself..? Plan your work hours accordingly and you will feel self-satisfied that you on are the way to achieving something. take each step as one on its own and you might see the wood for the trees.

Good luck with it

Excellent idea

belfastgirl23

G-G wrote: »

I think I am scared of failure because of what other people think of me.. one of my friends in particular always makes jokes about me being lazy or not being able to hold a job down and I get sick of it. He is in the RAF and so he has a very stable job and has been there 8 yrs, and he likes it, good for him.. but when he always says, 'what you up to, watching t.v?' then I get quite annoyed because a) he is right b) he is taking the pi$$ really..

You should just say airily 'well it could be worse, I could be old before my time...'

He probably doesn't realise his comments are upsetting you and is secretly a little envious that you have a freedom he doesn't.

Anyway just going to say it once more. GET UP AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!! The more you post the clearer it is that you have got to get yourself out of there. Don't take any s*** from anyone about your choices. Some people are just not built for routine jobs. There are a lot of EG consultancy jobs that purposely involve flitting from one thing to another and this suits a lot of people. I'm lucky that there's a good element of this in my own work - doing the same thing day in day out would do my head in. And I'm a comfortable late-30s professional. Don't do yourself down cos the daily grind of 9-5 doesn't suit you. Just find a job that doesn't mean you have to do it!! ACCEPT yourself!!

Okay I'll stop shouting now but honestly you are frustrating me because you sound like a really bright interesting person who has led a diverse and varied life and you're worrying about what much less interesting and bright people are saying. You can do it and you will do it, you're just going through a rough patch. It's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get out there again. And you're more than capable of doing it.

Of course we will all have to live vicariously through you so you have to come back and let us know how you get on

mrcow

G-G wrote: »

Also, OH like sme being at home as he works at home, but I am starting to think he is thinking of his own interests and not mine. & I think he is worried I might meet someone if I go out to work, he isn't the jealous type but he doesn't socialise, so I think he is worried he will be left behind.

Well that's tough on him....just because he's insecure, it doesn't mean that you should waste your life/brains/talents/potential sitting at hime watching the television every day.

There are only so many excuses that you can make. If you do have children in a few years time, you will regret this time without them that you are wasting. You should make the most of things whilst you can, because as soon as you get pregnant, everything changes.