Torn between work and family..

G-G_4

Hi everyone,

I seem to have a daily struggle..

I was self employed for 2.5 yrs working from home running my mail order business, was pretty happy etc etc. Things went wrong, got made bankrupt 6th Dec 2007. Gave up my business as it wasn't working out by then.

My days are now spent sitting around at home, selling bits and pieces on eBay. OH works from home, so i'm not alone, but i'm so bored.

I'm 24, I feel like I should be building a career or something, yet I have no motivation to do it. I have always worked in the financial sector, being a mortgage advisor. I can't go back to that because of my bankruptcy, and no bank would employ an undicharged bankrupt I shouldn't think. (not that I want to go back to bank work).

Me and OH have decided we want children, but I am very worried that I will have kids but then have no life or work of my own. What happens when they grow up? I won't have worked for ages and I feel I am losing my identity.

I have applied for a couple of jobs, got interviews, and then thought about having to get up and go to work and I don't want to.

I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I can't motivate myself or anything.

I wanted to go uni this year to study Radiography, but at the last moment was told by the Uni that any study credits I get won't count for this year, so I have to wait until 2009 before I can start. Just feels like ages away, and I have some Open Uni courses that I just cannot get started on as I feel like i'm so lost what's the point.

I'm not depressed I don't think, just very confused about starting a family when I don't know where I am heading..

Anyone else had this, and what did you do? Any suggestions welcome, you can call me lazy if you want, I probably am, but I really want to do SOMETHING!

mrcow

Okay you're thinking about starting a family......but that can and often does take years!

I don't think it's possible to sit around and do nothing for a couple of years without getting depressed. It would drive me nuts.

A university course is a waste of time and money too if you're just doing it as a time filler. A better option would be to find a job that actually interests you, gets you out the house and away from your OH for a few hours a day and where you can meet and interact with new people each day.

There are loads of things you can do outside of the financial market that would be interesting and rewarding.

G-G_4

Well, I really would like to be a radiographer, it pays well & seems a pretty decent and interesting job. I've always been into photography and so I see that as the same as x-rays, CT Scans etc..

I can't go uni to study it until I have some credits from the Open Uni course, so that's why I signed up to it.. but I just can't get motivated.

When I want to do something I like to get started straight away.

I have looked online for jobs but have no idea what I want to do, apart from Radiography (which seems like a long way off), and I also don't know whether to go for that if I became pregnant.

I guess I just feel like I have wasted so many years doing jobs that really havn't got me anywhere and not i've got two interests (getting a decent job / having a family) that are colliding..

mrcow

If you like photography, is that not something you can do? That doesn't take a degree. If you later had children, you could work for yourself and dictate your own terms.

G-G_4

I do like photography but not particularly skilled at it.. haha - I wish I was..

I don't know if I trust myself to be self-employed again, I've kind of lost my confidence in it all since becoming bankrupt and part of me wants a stable career that won't go out of date or keep me awake at night worrying.

I just don't know what to do.. I would like to get a job, but OH says he likes me being at home, so no encouragement there, although he would encourage me if I got a job.

I am really good at learning new tasks, and would be great at certain jobs, but I just lack the need to work. part of me thinks I would rather sit at home than go out and take orders from someone else, but then when I do stay at home like I am now, it's difficult and very tedious.

I'm quite an outgoing person, and this is making me stressed.

I just don't see me ever being happy, whether I stay at home or get a job, and that thought is worrying me as I feel I am out of the loop of work now, and feel like I will never get it back..

Now, I sound depressed..

G-G_4

Also, i'm not very good at sticking at things and am worried that if I go uni I won't even get to see it through, because i'm like that, I wish I wasn't but just being honest.

I've been spoilt really, and it's showing now because I just can't do the things I wish I could.

I am more than able to do anything really, I have a problem with starting at the bottom of the ladder though and i'm always in a rush for promotion etc..

kal25

mrcow wrote: »

If you like photography, is that not something you can do? That doesn't take a degree. If you later had children, you could work for yourself and dictate your own terms.

Exactly what I was thinking mrcow. If this is an area you are interested in it will give you the up and go you need. You will be able to get out the house but still be able to do the things you want. It is much easier when you have a family if you have something that works around the children.:T

duchy

Try taking a step away-if a friend was saying these things to you-what would you say to them ?

G-G_4

I'm not sure really.. I think I have thought about it for so long now that I've got myself all confused..

I have motivated myself to take the dogs out for a long walk every day, but with no other purpose than to cook and that everything seems a bit bleak for me.

If I had kids I would want to be a full time mum, but then I would want to know that I had a job / career to get back into once they had grown up. I know i'm looking quite a long way into the future, but I want to make sure I do the right thing I guess.

squashy

I sort of know how you feel as I felt like that too...I had great prospects at school and was a high achiever but then dropped out at college and fell from one job tot he other with no ambition at all. In the meantime I met my partner and we decided to start a family, something which has really made me as a person, I absolutely adore being a mum to three and while I know I had the ability for a high flying career I am pretty sure I am actually happier now than if I'd taken that route.

I met up with an old friend yesterday who has always been a real go getter, she has noved to america now and has a soaring career and she loves her life too, at first I was sort of apologetic to her that I was "just a mum" but after a while I realised that this is important to ME and so I have achieved!

I work too (on mat leave at the moment) but my job is for paying the bills not because I have a big ambition in mind. I have climbed steadily up the work ladder at my own pace, adapting my skills as i go and rooting out what I want from a job.

I guess I am saying, don't be so hard on yourself! You have tried your best and it may be that you are just not "cut out" to be a career woman. Your kids are not going to hate you for it, they will probably get more out of life having you around, providing you can get by financially.

Just food for thought.

belfastgirl23

What about doing some temping in the meantime. Sounds to me like you have far too much time on your hands which is leading you into a vicious circle of worry. Temping is a good way to see into a lot of different workplaces and you don't have to worry about sticking to anything because the nature of it is that it's temporary

Oh and on the kids front, you're only 24. Why not decide to set this aside until next Christmas. It will take that long for things to settle down for you again, you'll know about your course etc and hopefully the bankruptcy thing will be sorted. It's not that you're putting your head in the sand, just focusing on the more urgent issues first. And also (IMHO) it isn't a good idea to get pregnant when you have a lot of other worries, best to sort them out first cos once the baby comes along you won't have time.

I know it isn't a career but it's money, it would get you out of the house, and it will still count as experience if you're looking for other jobs.

Lots of luck though, sounds like you've had a tough year.