Toddlers and fussy eating (merged)

BrokeBrokeBroke

My son is a real pain when it comes to eating! Up until recently he also had 4 bottles of milk a day so I didn't mind so much that he didn't eat as much as he still put weight on. When he was weaned he ate everything we gave me, but when he was about 7 months old he got a chest infection and since then has never really been very good about eating. He still likes to eat pureed baby food (Sunday roast in the blender!) which I let him have because I know he's getting some nutrients, otherwise he'd live on milk and yoghurt!
Help needed please!! I just wish he would sit at a table with a fork and feed himself. (He even tried to get me to put a biscuit in his mouth yesterday he's that lazy) Even stuff like soup and toast he wants us to put into his mouth for him! He's an ok weight, even though he just has a bottle of milk for bed now but to just leave him to fend for himself - he wouldn't get any food in him. Any suggestions?

Freebie_Hunter_2

Try just putting a plate of sliced banana in front of him at mealtimes and just leave him to it whilst you eat. If he doesn't eat it then take it away once you have finished and try the same trick with a different finger food the next mealtime. When he resalises that you aren't going to play his game he'll soon get hungry and feed himself.
He's not daft and is playing you as he knows that if he doesn't feed himself, you'll do it for him.

If he searches with his mouth for food then physically put something in his hand. See what he does with it. Try actually guiding his hand towards his mouth.
If he still doesn't play then maybe add a little fun my playfully feeding yourself with the food in his hand, making the usual silly noises.
Gauge his responses.

It may be that he's having problems in hand-eye co-ordination or he could be associating his illness with food and in some way fears it. This can happen with children who have had a tummy bug.

You'll soon find out if it's him being lazy or if there is a genuine underlying problem there.

One thing is for sure, he won't starve. Don't be afraid!

Sarahsaver

Same here - leave him to it. Kids will be fed by you for as long as you continue to do it. I found out my daughter could use a spoon at 18 mo. :rolleyes: because of deciding to let her get on with it. At that age my kids liked things such as stews, pizza, anything with rice or pasta, things with garlic (most kids love garlic)
I cut my kids' milk down at that age, and gave them 3 ounces at a time only. Try cutting it out completely at breakfast time. You may think this is harsh but you do want your child to eat, if they get full up on milk they won't eat.
Also don't let it upset you because whatever kids do, if they can upset their parents they will do it more. Give him a big hug and tell him how proud you are when he feeds himself, he is growing up from being your little boy to being a big boy. Tell him you are pleased he's your big boy now and he's big and strong. If hes anything like my kids this may urge him on to do whatever he can to be bigger and stronger for you! Don't use food as a reward either, because that will muck things up. He's old enough now to say if he questions why he should feed himself, 'that's the rules'.
All the best xx

Spendless

My 2 fed themselves from an early age as they both liked finger food. Sandwiches/slices of pizza/slices of quiche/fruit/veg sticks. Once they got used to putting the food in their mouth, using cutlery to do it wasn't a problem.

Savvy_Sue

Those all sound like good advice, and I'd just add that being ill can cause setbacks and fads for a while afterwards. Had my eldest in hospital for a couple of days aged 3, and he wouldn't drink their squash, so I ended up buying boxes of juice because it really mattered that he didn't get dehydrated. When he came out he turned up his nose at my squash, and for one brief moment I considered giving him boxes of juice again. Then I hardened my heart ...

Mind you I'd rather put a biscuit into a two year old's mouth from my hand than have a biscuit put in my mouth from a two year old's hand ...

And I also found that it was astonishing what a child could eat as 'finger food'. Soup, anyone? Plenty of bread in it and away you go ... not one for the squeamish, however.

Oh, and I've got a 13 yo who'd still rather eat with his fingers than a fork, even Sunday lunch ...

BrokeBrokeBroke

Thanks for all these, I will have to try and let the lazy little monkey get on with it. Forgot to mention before, he does love porridge and will try to eat that himself (one mouthful then mummy has to help!) , so maybe he just has simple tastes!! Gruel and water for him. Thanks, I shall have a go at leaving him to it and see how it works.

Peakma

I have two boys aged 5 and 6 I dont really remember when they started to feed themselves independantly but they were at an age where they were perfectly capable, but just couldn't be bothered.I remember meal times took ages, and I had years of cold dinners.Even now their table manners are pretty apauling, they need to be reminded what those two shiny metal things beside their plates are for, and not to try and eat shepherds pie and gravy with their fingers!!My partner tells them they seem like aliens who have never seen food before!I find it difficult getting them to do stuff for themselves,( and yes I have tried positive encouragement) they put up a fuss about tidying up after themselves, wiping their bums, putting on their shoes etc( 6 year old not as awkward).
I also have a litle girl aged 21 months who has fed herself independanty from being around 8 months , shes extremely detemined to do everything for herself, and rarely lets me help her with the last bit.When I say lets tidy up , she helps so eagerly.I've just started poty training and she realy wants to wipe for herself! Maybe its just different characters, or maybe it is a girl boy thing. My daughter loves " snack plates"( so do the boys, it mans they dont get nagged to use their knife and fork) just different finger foods bread and marmite,raisons,apricots, cheese , fruit, strips of ham etc.She always has the same meal as the rest of the family, uses her utensils well and makes less mess than the boys!

rchddap1

My sister's son is around 13 months and he loves his food (just like his mum & dad). He is getting rather good at eating toast for himself and other finger type foods that he can pick up. To be honest it all started with biscuits when everyone sat down for something to eat. They gave him a biscuit so he didn't feel left out...after a while he ate it and moved onto other foods.

I'll never forget my nan as when we went round to see her she would cut up bits of apple and mars bar for us. Its something I think she did when we were very small, right up to when we stopped being dumped there during summer holidays.

Glad

I'm sure it's a boy girl thing
my daughter was great but 11 yr old son will still use his fingers whenever possible and would quite happily sit there and agree if I offered to cut up his food now!!

just try not to make it a battle, tell him if he eats 5 spoonfuls himself you will help him with the rest, and then gradually expand on this,
my two loved milk to drink with every meal and I used to say 'when half of your dinner has gone I'll get your milk'

jellyhead

please nobody shout at me for this, my son is nearly 9 so things may well have changed since he was 2, but could you give him semi-skimmed milk instead of full fat? if it fills him up less he might eat more food.

my lazy, clumsy boy quite liked raisins because they require little effort. i also let him eat skips sometimes, he loved them and it got him to practise using his fingers. as for cutlery, not a chance at 2 years old. is it a boy thing? lol! also cubes of hard cheese would be good, easy to eat and he likes dairy.

Savvy_Sue

jellyhead wrote:

please nobody shout at me for this, my son is nearly 9 so things may well have changed since he was 2, but could you give him semi-skimmed milk instead of full fat? if it fills him up less he might eat more food.

I can't remember either whether 2 or 5 is the age you're supposed to keep fattening them up until, but it occurred to me, Broke, have you talked to your health visitor about this? I am sure she would reassure you that she has never seen a 2 year old starve themselves for longer than a day or two ... Plus may have tips on diet etc to make sure what you are offering is appropriate. Faddy eaters at 2 are not uncommon, of course!

One other tip, if you do go down the 'maybe you'll be hungry at teatime' route suggested by Freebie Hunter, by all means bring teatime forward by half an hour or an hour, even if it means he eats at a different time to you for a while, but DO NOT offer biscuits, snacks etc if he starts whinging that he's hungry 10 minutes after lunch. In fact I'd be tempted to hang onto lunch - needs some careful menu planning to make sure he doesn't get food poisoning, of course - for an hour or so afterwards so that it can be offered again if hunger strikes suddenly!

Keeping pizza overnight and offering it for breakfast isn't, IME, a good idea. Did you know pizza doesn't dissolve if you hide it in the washing machine? :eek: My son learned this at 5, and I stopped feeding him pizza.