Need Help. Very stressed.

tigtag02

Fat_Fairy wrote: »

Nope, I know nothing :rolleyes: . I wonder how she's going to manage her wedding to aforementioned fiance.............................

Why do you assume there will be one? We have been engaged for a year and have no wedding plans

All this back biting is doing nothing to help the OP ~ maybe we should stick to what she asks in the OP and not spouting off our own opinions ~ after all we are here to help not judge!

creamcheese

dmg24 wrote: »

Not everyone has someone to help them. Some people with agoraphobia can go for weeks without seeing anyone. LM has said that her fiancee is not there. It is not for us to question why he is not helping.

This is so very true, everybody's experiences are different and it is not for us to assess that and say what the OP can and can't do. The OP has come on here asking for advice, not to be told off.

OP - I wouldn't worry too much about whether you come across right when you contact people. If you are worried, make a note at the end of any emails/letter asking people to write back to you if there are any points that need clarification. Is there any way you could email the people involved to request an appeal (making sure you request a read receipt and delivery receipt)

Fat_Fairy

In my first post I was actually giving a suggestion - because I have found that everyone must help themselves somewhat, fair or unfair.

As for comparing it to my husband being unable to use the stairs - umm, he is PHYSICALLY disabled so it's a bit different.

I usually do like to help others, really - it just irritates me that people won't help themselves even just a tiny bit. Nothing comes to you in this life. Like I say, that may not be fair, but it's true.

BTW my husband does get himself to the doctor and to benefit checks with my help, even though he walks on sticks and takes painkillers every 4 hours, every day, and now who is being nasty, dmg?.

Fat_Fairy

tigtag02 wrote: »

Why do you assume there will be one? We have been engaged for a year and have no wedding plans

All this back biting is doing nothing to help the OP ~ maybe we should stick to what she asks in the OP and not spouting off our own opinions ~ after all we are here to help not judge!

Ok, you're right there, yes, I suppose it just annoyed me because there is a bit of an attitude going on in the UK at present where people expect help to just come knocking at their door. Sometimes maybe it should - but it doesn't.
I originally did post because I was offering a suggestion, though, but sorry for any offence caused.

creamcheese

Fat_Fairy wrote: »

As for comparing it to my husband being unable to use the stairs - umm, he is PHYSICALLY disabled so it's a bit different.

Can you please explain exactly what you mean by this? A disability is just that, a disability, whether it is a physical disability or a mental health problem. No two disabilities are exactly the same.

tigtag02

Fat_Fairy wrote: »

As for comparing it to my husband being unable to use the stairs - umm, he is PHYSICALLY disabled so it's a bit different.

creamcheese wrote: »

Can you please explain exactly what you mean by this? A disability is just that, a disability, whether it is a physical disability or a mental health problem. No two disabilities are exactly the same.

CC ~ I was gonna say the same thing. Is a PHYSICAL disability different or worse than a MENTAL one? I dont think you can even begin to compare the two!!

I hate to think what effect some of the remarks on this thread are having on the obviously already tender state of mind of the OP.

Please stick with us OP and do try only to read the posts where your not being judged.

If anyone does wish to discuss the ins and outs, the fairs and unfairs of the benefits system I suggest you pour yourself a glass and head down to DT.

bestpud

Fat_Fairy wrote: »

As for comparing it to my husband being unable to use the stairs - umm, he is PHYSICALLY disabled so it's a bit different.

The only difference is that physical disabilities are often visible and attract more support and sympathy!

Mental disabilities can be every much as debilitating, if not more.

However, it must be very difficult for someone who has not had a serious mental illness to comprehend how difficult it is. We have all hurt ourselves physically at some point and been relieved when the pain has stopped and so it is possibly easier to empathise/sympathise with people who live with pain constantly.

Therefore, people with mental illnesses are subjected to ignorance, stigma and a lack of empathy which makes their day to day situation worse imo.

Elsiesgirl

Good luck LM. Try to be brave and make the calls to get it sorted out. Get in touch with your GP and get him/her on your side in this. You could email. Your GP will know more than anyone how you feel. Take care

Fat_Fairy

bestpud wrote: »

The only difference is that physical disabilities are often visible and attract more support and sympathy!

Mental disabilities can be every much as debilitating, if not more.

However, it must be very difficult for someone who has not had a serious mental illness to comprehend how difficult it is. We have all hurt ourselves physically at some point and been relieved when the pain has stopped and so it is possibly easier to empathise/sympathise with people who live with pain constantly.

Therefore, people with mental illnesses are subjected to ignorance, stigma and a lack of empathy which makes their day to day situation worse imo.

I know - you see you've judged me, but I do know, because I have BPD aswell, my husband has been on anti-depressants for 25 years, and my son has to see a clinical psychologist, so I KNOW!!. What I was pointing out is that the poster here who accused me of being nasty then made a very snidey comment back to me . If you have any sort of disability you still have to do what you can to help yourself. It is a fact that my husband cannot manage the stairs. Maybe it is a fact that the OP cannot walk to a postbox, or use a telephone - in which case she really does have my sympathy because I don't know how she copes. She must be unable even to get regular medical help or do any of her own shopping, and if it's the case that she cannot talk to (for example) the Postman on her doorstep, she is unable also to get internet shopping, etc, delivered. In this case then her life must be terribly hard and I do have enormous sympathy.

I actually came back to this thread to apologise to the OP. I do have a bee in my bonnet about people missing appointments and also not helping themselves with their problems, as I have such a HUGE ongoing struggle to get what my husband and son are entitled to. My husband worked his butt off from the age of 16 til he was 53, and would probably still be doing so if he was able to walk unsupported!.

However, my frustrations with what ill people have to go through to get their benefits should NEVER have made me post in such a willfully unsupportive manner. I think somehow that a bad memory got triggered off for me, but that is no excuse.

I stick by my guns absolutely that people in the UK are very fortunate and must take responsibility for themselves as far as possible - BUT, I don't personally know the poster here, maybe she is doing her very best.

Sorry .

poet123

I sympathise with the OP as I have a sil with mental issues but I also worked for the DWP and it is important for the smooth running of the system that if you cannot make an appointment you should find someway of notifying them. The OP must be in contact with her fiance by phone or text or have someone who she could contact in case of emergency. That would have been the way forward.

An appointment would be given some time in advance giving ample time to sort something out. IMO it is not helpful for everyone to remove all responsibility from those with mental health problems,nor say they do not have to at least try to help themselves. if the OP is not capable of this I would question whether she should be living alone. Sorry iof this sounds harsh, but I do speak from first hand experience. My SIL hs regresssed to an almost child like state since MIL took over her life,every aspect is done for her,she has no worries or responsibilty and consequently expects to do nothing but eat,sleep and watch TV. All this was done from the best of motives but according to her GP it has been counter productive.