2026: time to face facts and plan for the hard times ahead

SpireCaptain

beanielou said:

Hello. Sorry I’m a wee bit late to your thread. 

You have received some fantastic responses so far.  I urge you to remember that there is no debt problem that is insurmountable. It may take time but there’s always a solution. When Martin Lewis founded this site it was for people just like you & me. Martin says there’s no debt problem that can’t be helped. 

I was in a dire situation when I joined MSE 20 years ago and the support and advice helped me to be able to turn things around. 

You will meet many like minded people here and we all support each other. 

Please continue to post & keep plodding. 🤗

Thank you so much for the welcome and it's fantastic to hear you're still here offering your support to all these thousands of forumites that keep finding them in sticky situations. It really must've made a difference to you and your situation and also shows the kind of person you are wanting to stay around and help. 97k posts that's an incredible amount! Chapeau!

It has felt insurmountable for a good 3 years after the easy times of transferring balances ended as I had no more free space on cards to do it. This forum has given me renewed hope. Thank you again, enjoy your weekend. ☺️

SpireCaptain

_Dolly_Rocker_ said:

Hey @SpireCaptain just had a read through and my you're really going through it. 

I don't really have any advice for you but wanted to say just try and take it one step at a time. It's not going to be anything you can fix too quickly and that is absolutely FINE. 

I've been debt free twice now. First time I was adamant I wouldn't do it again and lo and behold I ended up back in the same situation. Both times it took a long time to get it all paid off when all I really wanted to do was just click my fingers and solve all my problems straight away. 

You also need to rethink all your plans for the future. I know you said you wanted to plan ahead for college and cars etc but please remember that before your plans would have included 2 incomes and with only your own you will need to adjust what you plan to be able to do realistically. 

Also please remember that your kids would rather have you happy and healthy than stressed over things that they won't even be thinking about. 

If you can't speak to anyone just come here. 

This forum has been a lifesaver, literally, for many people. 

You will come through the other side of this, it may not feel like it now but you will. 

Good morning Dolly Rocker

Thank you for taking the time to welcome me and reply. Congratulations on escaping the debt trap twice, that's something to be rightly proud of. Such resilience should be applauded.

You're right the boys deserve to be protected from the strife of real life for as long as possible. OH and myself rarely argue, I just bite my tongue and avoid each other. We live in relative calm (read silence and short sentences) and the boys seem oblivious to any stress and strain. 

I felt mortified last weekend as things bubbled up when we were downstairs and bounces were raised about debts, moving out etc. after we stopped I went upstairs and the twins were oblivious on their Xbox but DS1 was stood with tears streaming down his cheeks and asked "why are you in so much debt?" 

I gave him the biggest hug and talked with him keeping it light and he soon went to playing again. It was a big wake up call- they're older now and things will get picked up a lot more easily than when they were 3/4 when OH decided it was over. 

DS1 is more attuned to things, he didn't get out of the car the other week and I could see he was upset. I asked him and he said the twins are so naughty/annoying that Mam will shout and she'll want to leave and me and her will break up. 😔

I think you're right about future plans, the here and now are most important. If the boys are desperate for a car they'll have to fund it themselves with a job like I did as a teenager. And if we're separate, funding may be available for college and uni for them. If OH gets UC that may unlock a few things. 

I won't have a car if we split and the van only has 2 spare seats so I'd look to swap for a 6 seater van (less laod area for me but is workable) or keep van but get a small cheap runaround. Although that would mean 2 x insurance and 2 x tax etc. plus 3 growing lads with rugby bags and cricket kit to cart about the 6 seater van might be better. 

Also driving 130iles to Mum or 180iles to my sister I'd feel safer in a van than a small aygo or Punto size car on the motorway. 

But that's for the future. Housing and debts first. 

SpireCaptain

Friday, i managed to get all the documents to my accountant. I managed to get the van into the garage so hopefully that'll be back on the road Mon/Tuesday.

I cleaned our own windows and fascia, I'll look to get a valuation or 2 next week so we have a figure to work off. Cleaned my neighbours windows in the afternoon (the only job I could do with the van Insitu no on my drive) so a princely sum of £12 of work cleaned this week. 🤦 

£10 eBay sale overnight, woke at 8am to put heating on and boiler wouldn't kick in. It's only a year old but in the loft. Had to go up and top the pressure up. Happens every couple of months as the rest of the pipework must have a pinhole leak somewhere hidden away. Not too much of a chore but woke the boys up! 

OH going to get her 3 grandchildren to look after today so I'll take the boys out and play in the snow on the moors. Simple pleasures take your mind away for a few hours. 

DS1 rugby match tomorrow morning to look forward to although it's against the best team in the area so will be another trouncing. 

Then the weekend is over in a flash, 2 x Barclaycard DD out Monday. £90 and £150. Will let them get paid from Overdraft as only £188 in business account. Barclays overdraft has £2000 free in it but will save that for the mortgage and utilities. 

_Dolly_Rocker_

Busy weekend ahead for you. 

Have fun in the snow. 

mumtoomany

Hi, @SpireCaptain. I've read through both your threads and have a few thoughts.

Please feel free to ignore all this. I'm partly playing devil's advocate to give you food for thought.

You seem to be paying the minimum, or pretty near too it, each month and then spending again on the cards. I understand this. You need to spend again to keep the wolf from the door, but each month that you pay back £100 then re-borrow it, they are adding interest. You don't have a big enough income to pay the cards. On your statement of affairs you only have a few pounds spare each month BEFORE you pay any debt. This is without any curve balls, car breakdown, school trips, Christmas. Also your amount for food looks very low. £130 per month for 5 people. If this is correct, please tell us all how you do it. Better still write a bestselling book explaining, and become rich.

The £50,000 extra you took out to pay for repairs was, I believe you said, partly used for repairs and rest is in an account in your partners name. Are you sure it's still there? If so you, at the least, need joint access. 

You want to let the children and your partner stay in the house until the youngest turn 18. As you have said you would like to save for college for them, I'm assuming you believe they will go on to further education. If you sell the house now and the children have two homes, one with each parent in the same area you now live, they will adjust quite quickly. If they are 18 and 19 and away at university, the loss of their home might be more difficult. Be wary of saying they can stay until they finish higher education, some people don't finish their education till quite old! 

I hope you manage to sort out this problem. Please remember it's only money. The debts are all non-priority, don't let them take over your life. I will be reading and cheering you along from the sidelines, hugs, mumtoomany.xx 

mumtoomany

Morning, me again, sorry. 

I woke early thinking/worrying about you. I have another idea to run past you. You stay in the family home, with your children. Your partner moves to the rental that you own. She takes on the smaller mortgage, still has a house to live in, can have the children to stay over. You then look into getting universal credit to top up your income. I've just done a search on "entitled to", benefits website. In the above scenario, you would get a 25% reductions in council tax and maybe £850 in universal credit and child benefit each month. You could then start a DMP with no worry about keeping the house.

Hugs, mumtoomany.xx 

SpireCaptain

Good morning mumstoomany, hope you're well and better than the weather we've woken up to!

Thank you for your welcome to the forum and your kind words and thoughts. Absolutely playing devil's advocate - please do throw anything and everything at me to give me any ideas out of this mess. It'll be the only way I'll navigate the next few years with the help of you all on this forum. None of my family have been in this mess to my knowledge and my customers similarly from what I've gleaned.

The housing is the biggest unknown and stopping me jumping straight into a DMP but I fear I'm seriously close to the end of it being one of the options to becoming the only option.

 In that regard I'm thinking starting the process ASAP so that if it takes 9-18 months for defaults to appear we might've sold the house and I could get back on track with paying them down with proceeds of sale and any fighting fund I've saved up before defaults appear and maybe buying a property would be an option with a family mortgage/help to buy. 

OH won't entertain living in the rental property as I've asked her before. It would be ideal if I could give it to her for my share of this house so she would be mortgage free and I'd only have to borrow from Mum the 63k to pay off the BTL.

 But it's in another town to the boys schools and she grew up in this village so she wouldn't want to. Although saying that if she moved in to it for say 6 months then sold it to buy back in the village it might be more appealing. She'd gain the equity so maybe 100k to put as a deposit. But she'll say why don't I do that. 

A rich successful author does sound very appealing! But you might be right the £130 food bill might be too conservative, but it's just my share of the groceries that I buy at Aldi once a week at the moment. OH also shops at Morrisons, Tesco, Asda etc. my shop is mainly just cupboard essentials, toilet roll, ham, cheese, veg, cereal and bread. 

I'm spending on the cards as they're on 0% balance transfers so no interest building up as the minimum covers the new spend every month. It's not sustainable but it's how I've had to do it since the start of 2024. Nearly a year of BTL payments and Council Tax plus the renovation on the rental house just completely mired me down in the proverbial swamp. 

If I didn't have the rental house you're right I'd be entitled to working part of UC and also council tax reductions. I think OH will still claim the child benefit as can only be claimed by 1 parent. If I'm renting and still own the rental then I might also qualify for UC but not currently as too much equity in 2 properties. Only allowed £15k equity.

The solicitor said as we're not married there's no legal way to protect my interest in the house by letting her stay there without her buying me out so that's a no-go now. 

Thanks you again for thinking of me and my predicament!

mumtoomany

Hi, @SpireCaptain. I didn't know that about equity, learn something new every day. It seems the equity in the house you live in is not counted, only the buy to let. Might be worth trying to claim, they may just reduce your payments pro rate. 

The grocery spend makes more sense now. No best seller there then.

Right of to check the pies in the oven, hugs, mumtoomany.xx 

NeverendingDMP

SpireCaptain said:

Blackcats said:

Hello - welcome and a big well done for posting.

this is a friendly, helpful, supportive and absolutely non judgemental place.  Try to post regularly to keep you motivated and feeling supported.

you have a few credit cards currently with 0% interest and I wonder if, just for now you put them to one side and look at the ones where you are paying the high interest rates.  If it were me, I'd chose to throw everything I could at the PayPal card - it will feel great to have one less card to juggle and you can move the monthly amount you pay from that card to your next priority.  This is what I would do but others will have different, equally valid points of view.

@Scott_Weiland_2  has great suggestions for bringing in extra £'s and I wonder if you might be able to sell some things and throw any extra money at the PayPal card.

I found focussing on one card and making myself a chart where I coloured in a square for every 1% you payoff. £8.50 sized chunks might seem more achievable than a £850 sized lump.  Pay the money off as often as possible rather than wait for payment due date.  The interest will reduce a little bit each time you make a payment.

Good luck!

Hi Blackcats,

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and taking the time to message. This always has seemed the friendliest and most nonjudgmental forum that I've frequented over the years. It seems there's no agenda and people have been there, done that and got the t-shirt many times over. 

I've played the 0% juggling act for about 8 years now but feel like I've run out of moves. Shifting the bulk of Tesco onto mbna until Tesco offers another 0% deal was the last chance but I don't think they'll let me as all offers have disappeared from MBNA app. 

I'd love to clear PayPal as it would be a nice win but whatever I pay off I tend to use for fuel for the work van. The minimum is £36 so I could just reduced to £40 and pay fuel with debit card but that just gives me anxiety.

 Same when I go to Aldi and have to decide what card to use on the Curve App to pay with depending on when I've paid that month. Walked round Aldi in a daze crying and having a panic attack before Christmas and rang 111 who were really good out of hours mental health triage. Just talking to someone really helped. My anxiety mounts every time I walk through the door and only eases when my partner is in bed or at work and I'm down sleeping on the sofa or with the boys out somewhere. It's affecting my work motivation, I feel helpless against this tide of debt and sometimes park van in a layby unable to focus or work. The headaches are intense and panic sets in.

Just couldn't deal with this debt and relationship much longer. I've told my sister but didn't want to tell Mum about end of relationship as it was her birthday in November and then Christmas. I need to tell her properly. I told her 2 years ago partner wanted to end it Nd Mum was going to help look at houses with me but we sort of patched things together for 6 months til we couldn't any longer. I think Mum has an inkling what's on the cards.

I've had a disheartening day today as the work van that broke down on NYE, couldn't be fixed at my house with the £24 part I bought. It's got to go into the garage for a full clutch on Friday and might not be ready til Monday. I've not been able to work at all this week. Some clients have paid me for previous work but that totals £150. The clutch will probably be £350 I'd imagine at least and the garage I use only takes cash so I'm scuppered. 

Last year it was a turbo for the van that cost £1500 in cash and I had to hire a van on credit card to carry on working for 2 weeks. 

Then today my accountant says I'm ready for the paperwork for tax return so that's more money at the end of the month. I maybe able to pay tax spread out over the year like I did 1 years ago but teh accountant only takes BACS not card so that's £130 to find. I can still use one more 6 months interest only payment on the bounce back loan scheme which will free up £90 a month. 

The twins have a school trip to pay by end of January so £166 X2. My Mum who lives 120 miles away has said she'd pay for that but I can pay that on credit card and use her cash for the van clutch. 

Only shining light today was playing a new board game the eldest son got for Christmas called Hues and Clues. Happy to take my mind off for 30 mins. 

I know you have a lot going on but the 30 mins you took your mind off it by playing the game was a very good thing to do. Library books, a sing along to the radio, a little walk, looking at the sky (when it's nice!) are all free and will make you feel so much better.  

SpireCaptain

mumtoomany said:

Hi, @SpireCaptain. I didn't know that about equity, learn something new every day. It seems the equity in the house you live in is not counted, only the buy to let. Might be worth trying to claim, they may just reduce your payments pro rate. 

The grocery spend makes more sense now. No best seller there then.

Right of to check the pies in the oven, hugs, mumtoomany.xx 

How were the pies mumstoomany? We're they savoury or sweet?

Neverendingdmp, thank you you're so right about making that time to decompress and enjoy something. When OH took the grandkids back yesterday I had an hour with my YouTube music playlist on in the kitchen whilst I prepped the veg for the roast dinner.a blissful escape but oh so fleeting. 

That's the beauty of my job as you're outside and see some spectacular weather and sky. I've made sure that I've instilled in the boys a love for the beach, sea, rivers, moorland etc. mainly as it's always free. Also we used to go out for hours at a time so OH could sleep as she was so fatigued when the twins were born for a good 5 years.

They have more memorable moments in a river on stepping stones jumping in than a time they've been to a soft play etc.