Investing in Us: Holidays, Health, and the Road to £150k

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon all, I'm sat hiding in a corner of a fast food restaurant 😋 I am taking a full hours lunch today after failing to do this all week. I am pretty tired. In fact I was irritated as heck this morning and stormed out the house after exchanging words with DP and went to work to do my makeup and have my tea 🤣 it was nice and quiet as I was the first in so I could chill. And organise my diary (and get It all out my head) and make a list of jobs to do (again out of my head as feeling overloaded) ...I was pretty hungry after a busy morning though so decided to get a treat. I never got the takeaway the other night I had leftovers...so had it today instead 🙂 and much cheaper today than my planned takeaway the other night 😆🙈. And I never had a lunch on me today after storming off 🫣.

It's nearly the weekend ...I only have a couple of hours left at work as finishing early so looking forward to leaving and flaking at home later. Next week only three proper work days, one training day (nothing heavy or too serious I hope...).

Next week I also have an award ceremony for DD at her school. And a birthday meal out for a friend. Hoping I have enough energy to last for everyone and everything....right hour is nearly up so best go.

beanielou

I really hope you have plans to just relax and just be at the weekend. 🤗

debtfreewannabe321

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81939749#Comment_81939749

Aside from a bit of washing and shopping and the MRI ....😴😴😴 I just want to sleep! 🤣

daisy_1571

Then make time for that 😘

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon all, I've had a lazy morning. I have tidied a little, rested a lot. My friend popped over, she is the friend who's just lost her husband, I feel relieved for her tbh, he was not a nice person and a worse husband. It was nice to catch up. I've had a call to say my ring is in so I'll go into town when I collect DD from work and take a look at what they've designed.

I don't think I said yesterday, in my tired scatty state, that newbie never showed up to work that I saw, Thur or Fri. I believe she came in briefly on Thursday but was not seen again all day and same on Fri. 🙏🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 Should I be hopeful that this is the end of it...I felt she'd go off soon anyway with 'mental health' problems because the sick pay should take her to the end of her contract now. So hopefully this is it. I'd like a reset on my nerves now and come back down to 1 rather than feeling like I'm at stress levels of 8-9 out of 10.

DP is outside putting drainage in and starting the patio. He won't get it all done today but he's hoping to re-lay the part that came up before the extension went down. So that part is already compacted and ready for slabs to go straight on. The rest needs digging, compacting and doing from scratch basically. It should look good when done and once DS1 brings his furniture over for outside we'll have somewhere to sit too. Talking of DS1 he has officially handed his notice in now and should be leaving the job this time next year. He's hoping to have done some courses by then so he can resettle out of the army.

DS2 - I've received messages on Thursday and Friday that he didn't attend school and can I call them to explain why. Well, no. I messaged ex in the end and he got stroppy with me. So I left it. DD found out ex was not actually even in the country when DS2 was off ...he was on holiday with his GF. So DS was probably skiving. And ex didn't even know. He has GCSEs starting very soon...I'm not convinced he'll pass any at this rate. But he's learning valuable lessons through this anyway. So I'm leaving him to it but letting him know I'm there. This is why I was having bad dreams ALL week about DS... mother's intuition.

Right I'm going to do a small job that's been bugging me all week, dusting in here. It's super dusty and I feel quite ashamed when my friend showed up and it was all highlighted in the sunshine. I used to be so house proud too.... sigh.

beanielou

Glad you are taking it easy 🤗

Humdinger1

Intuition is an amazing thing @debtfreewannabe321 - you're right to trust it. I think you'll find that the stroppy teenager has indeed called in sick for good when you go back after Easter. Why do I have that song 'School's out for summer...School's out for ever' running through my head now!

How are you going to deal with DS? It's awful that his father and stepmother left him alone in term time especially. How old is he? He knows he has you and that's fab. You're absolutely right to work on getting your stress down. We're all here for you. Keep going, you're doing brilliantly love Humdinger xx

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all,

DP is dropping DD off. He's annoyed with her, rightly so, she told us at 9:25 she needed dropping in five minutes time when her usual shift is 10:30 on a Sunday. She just expects us to be ready at her beck and call all day long 🤦🏻‍♀️ please please let her pass her test next time so she can drive herself there. We were enjoying a rare chat and cuppa in PJ's. Both of us on a weekday are up and dressed usually by 7 so it was nice to just chill. Oh well.

So my ring yesterday was a big disappointment. I said no to the design that had been made it wasn't even close to what I wanted. DP and I have had a chat and we're now looking at a new engagement ring/ wedding band set - which ironically is cheaper than just that one ring to be made for us. The engagement ring I have at the mo, has a very delicate band, very thin, it's always misshapen and the diamond bit at the top is very top heavy so it's constantly turning on my finger. Gorgeous, but not practical. So I think maybe this was a blessing in disguise that they didn't come back with something nice and I get to keep this current ring as a pretty statement ring but wear a more practical one for every day. Oddly enough the current engagement ring fits better on my right hand than my left and doesn't shift around as much....so we're on the lookout again for a ring 🙈.

We had £600 spare after moving money around everywhere so I've said to DP to pay off the cc that he used for the slabs and cladding etc.

Next month I've decided I will fully fund the yearly bills pot because that one is needed pretty soon for cars and MOTs and servicing, car insurance etc (think that starts around June for us), we will pay minimum on all cc, loans and debts to do this. I will still pay the OP. After that I will pay anything needed for the wedding and then we will start aggressively paying down catalogue/ cc/ loans etc on a snowball plan. All on 0% at the mo but I want them all paid off now. I will get all balances before starting this and end dates for 0% to make a plan. And once that has been done I will start a new pot for household stuff ... DIY, 'stuff' we forgot about or needs replacing etc and anything else. I will reassess after that point as to where we're at at, and whether my income is needed. This is my plan for the next six months or so. I honestly think if we had no loans and cc that I would have a whole wage that is spare each month and perhaps I could stay home/ find something very part time. But currently we are spending to our limits and then some....which reminds me of this- "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six [19 pounds, 19 shillings, 6 pence], result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six [20 pounds, 0 shillings, 6 pence], result misery."

DP is due his bonus next pay day too…I was hoping this would be used for holiday and perhaps the guttering job that still needs doing. So really really need to sort a plan out to pay everything off without needing to touch the bonus for this.

Our new cooker has a hob that is broken - one small ring at the front (my second favourite one). I need to find the receipt and get this sorted. We paid far too much to let it slide. DP and I have been in a quiet feud all month as to who is responsible for getting this done as we both have too much to do. I'm relenting. So that needs sorting. I think I got it from a high street shop close by to where I'm getting my MRI this afternoon so I will try and do both things this afternoon....so need to get up, sorted and find the receipt for that. But my memory fails me a lot lately so it could have been a shop solely online…must find out. Haven't done any food shopping I might do a quick top up on fresh and just make random stuff from cupboards and fridge for dinners and lunches this week....so I could do that whilst out and about too.

Monday and Tuesday are normal days out of office, Wednesday usual day in classroom then Thursday is training all day. I'm determined to get to my holiday without a sick day but I am running on fumes at the moment. Plus two evenings planned out this week coming too, so this could be where it gets tricky to maintain energy long enough to last.

Anyway need to get on and do some bits and pieces before my day runs away with me.

debtfreewannabe321

@Humdinger1 DS is 16, 17 in July. He's not that mature for his age though. And my ex didn't even think to tell me he'd left him on his own. In fact I think I will message him. I just know it will descend into arguments I don't think my nervous system can take now but it needs addressing. Ex is and was always a useless father who sauntered in and out of their lives as he saw fit. He's doing this to get at me, one last stab of control over me before the kids grow up and he has no control anymore. It's always been about that with me and him. I'm quietly fuming. And I had another bad dream last night where something awful had happened to DS2 and DD and I were burying him. I was devastated when I woke up. I'm really hoping some counselling appointments come through soon. I think everyone in my life is sick of hearing about me being upset over this and they shut down, I can feel them doing it. So I don't share much anymore with them, and so I'm internalising it all....and it's coming out in dreams. 😐☹️

daisy_1571

He's doing this to get at me

I only know your situation from the things you've said of course so could be talking out my hat but I'd see it as just an extension of his normal behaviour where he thinks about himself and his wants and pleasure rather than having anything to do with you.

He and partner wanted a holiday so like a child they go on holiday with none of the forward planning and thinking of everything and sorting out tghe who, what, when, food, money, what will happen in the bank account for the rest of the month, etc like most adults with responsibility do. I cant see that he would have given any thought to what ds would or wouldn't do, what the school would do and what the outcome of it all would be.

Meanwhile they are enjoying their holiday, marginal annoyance when you got in touch and real life intruded for a moment however that was likely quickly forgotten and they are back to carefree enjoying holiday (not completely carefree of course, there's bound to be his usual annoyance at partner and things not going his way) but carefree in the sense he's not the least bit bothered about what is or isn't happening at home and who is sorting the resulting mess out and so the chaos continues but doesn't in any way affect him and if he ever gave a moment's reflection I am sure he would be steadfastly be of the opinion it was all other people and definitely nothing to do with him.

Please try not to see everything he does as having anything to do with you, are you assuming a bigger importance in his life than he gives to anything simply because he still features in your thoughts so much ?

I would also steer clear of messaging him. You might want to address it but theres absolutely NOTHING that you can say that will suddenly switch a light bulb on and he'll change his behaviour. He's had about 30 years of having no 1 son around to have got his head round this parenting lark. A string of text messages whilst he's out the country is merely going to wind you up and continues the dialogue between you.

Phone or message ds by all means, remind him if he needs anything to call, try not to over emphasise all the things you would have done to ensure he was OK in the same situation (not that there ever would have been but you know what I mean) as that forces him to defend his dad rather than feel he can come back to you without judgement, try to just offer practical support now, how's he managing the money, how's he managing cooking, how's he feeling being in the house on his own etc etc

As I say, you know the whole situation but try to take a step back and look at it free of emotion and think what you would advise a friend to do

Take care xxx